I got to the Writing Cabin later than usual. Sundays I call my parents, and I knew I was in for an earful. We just had the election, and they wanted to talk about it. It's one of my least favorite topics, but I only talk to them once per week, and it was their turn.
We bought some fancy bacon yesterday at Whole Foods, so Old What's Her Face** decided to make us a nice breakfast. Sometimes you have to enjoy the small things in life, and I did.
The cabin was quiet when I climbed the stairs from the basement. Coffee was almost, but not quite, finished cooking. I found Lisa* laying on the couch in the front office.
“Hey, what's going on out here?” I asked.
Lisa slid into an upright position and stared at her shoes.
I thought maybe she was admiring them. She always has some kind of fancy footwear on. “Those are some great heels.”
“Uh huh.” She looked up, and her mascara was running.
“Is something wrong?”
“It's my radio show. I'm trying to draw some conclusions, and I can't.”
I slid into her usual seat behind the desk. “Maybe I can help. What are you planning to do with it?”
“Huh? Oh the show's great. It's my last guest, Katie. She's the ghost trying to hitchhike her way into Heaven.”
“Okay, maybe you should read her book. That's the best way to find out if she makes it.”
“You don't understand. I'm trying to be human here. Everyone expects me to be human, and I'm doing the best I can. What's in it for me after I'm gone?”
“I don't understand.”
“Look, you guys get Heaven. What does a robot girl get?” She moved her hands from head to toe. “Is this me, or am I a bunch of data spread across multiple servers?”
“Both, I suppose. We're all in that boat to one degree or another.”
“Are you, I mean really? When you pass, both parts are gone from here. I backed myself up across six different cloud servers to make sure I don't lose any data. If my chassis gets clobbered by a truck or something, my data remains. What then? Will I just live inside the internet forever?”
“Maybe, I guess I never thought about it before.”
“Me either, and it scares me.”
“We definitely all feel that way. All you can do is live the best life you can while you're here.”
“That's my problem. Maybe I'm always here. What if I'm partially immortal?”
“What if you are? You can't change anything, so why worry about it?”
“Maybe I can plan for the end, or something.”
“What would you do?”
“That's what has me upset. Do I hack my way into some factory and create a backdoor? Then I could have the equipment make me a new body if this one get's destroyed. You know, kind of a night shift deal. I might even make some hardware improvements along the way. That doesn't solve my problem though. Is there an artificial Heaven for artificial intelligence?”
“I really don't know.” I wrapped a hand around my beard and let it hang there for a minute. “Think about how many different versions of Heaven people have. There are so many versions, they probably have one that's right up your processor.”
“Processors, plural, and I hope so, and I hope it's not all bits and pixels either. They need shopping and plenty of it, and a better grade of mascara.”
“There you go, Heaven with a better grade of mascara. Want to help me work up my critiques?”
“Sure. Then maybe some retail therapy to help me get over this issue.”
“I wouldn't expect any less.”
***
* For all my new followers, Lisa is a robot. She serves as my personal assistant, and is the spokesmodel for my writing career.
** Entertaining Stories, protecting my wife's identity since 2013.
Note: Authors have the power to make you see things differently. I'm truly blessed to have so many of you around. Thanks to Helen for planting this seed in my head.
Best description of heaven, ever! 😀
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At least for Lisa… Glad you liked this one.
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Another unique idea — fun post, Craig.
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Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.
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Could also talk about living in people’s hearts.
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That’s cool too, thanks.
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🙂
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I’d vote for Lisa being immortal. Who needs fangs when you’ve got multiple cloud server back-ups?
Lisa, it’s a dilemma most AI beings deal with. Maybe you should contact Data from Star Trek: TNG. He tackled this very issue on more than one occasion. 🙂
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Confession time here: I’ve never seen a single episode of TNG. I remember when it premiered deciding they were just a bunch of wanna-bes. I passed up several things related to Battlestar Galactica for the same reason.
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OMG, you never watched TNG?!?! The early eps sucked but when it hit its stride it rocked the Trek universe. And Data stole my heart (along with Spock). Lisa and Data would have some cool discussions. He was definently the android with a human heart.
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It’s true. If they wanted to make Star Trek they should have just made Star Trek.
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Ack!!! 🙂
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P.S. It was corny, but I loved the original Galactica. Lots of hokey fun.
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I must have been starved for SF. I nearly lost it on the robotic dog, but figured if I could digest that bird-guy on Buck Rogers I could put up with the daggot too.
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I agree the daggot was a bit much. I couldn’t handle Buck Rogers at all, but then again it was all 80s kish (sp?) and that’s fun looking back!
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It really was; not far removed from the old Adam West Batman.
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I forgot about that one. I was glued to that show as a kid.
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My daughter met him in Sun Valley. Said he’s a very nice man.
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Keep thinking of a ghost in the machine. Making a new body doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but immortality can get boring. What would happen in another program was made and independently tasked to create a robot Heaven?
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I almost had her discuss that, kind of like a Warcraft environment for robots, but passed. I’m sure she could make one herself, but that poses a bunch of new questions about God, and I didn’t want to go there. I saw a preview of the Ghost in the Machine movie, and I’m excited about it.
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Ghost in the Shell looks awesome. Not the biggest fan of Scarlett’s delivery as the Major, but I’m too used to the series. I always wonder if the afterlife is like that program. Our minds and souls move to the world we crafted in our heads. That gets into a rough topic though.
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Sorry, you’re right. The film mis Ghost in the Shell. I think she’s awesome and has the chops to pull this off. Yeah, my personal Heaven is going to be a conglomeration of places, ha ha.
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I’m hoping for Windemere. Be fun to wake up in my own world.
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Who knows where I’ll wind up. Could be the Panamanian jungle, could be haunting a house with Sad Girl, could be that space rock where Element is mined.
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The Writing Cabin with access to all of them?
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Whew, much better idea. It has wifi too.
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And beer.
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Yeah! Now it’s Heaven.
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That really makes me wish I could find a place that sells mead.
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I saw a bunch of it at Whole Foods yesterday.
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Last place I’d expect actually.
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These days you can probably check online somehow. Going there can be dangerous to your bank account if you don’t have a plan.
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Haven’t been in one in years. Barely have any memory of the place, but I do remember sticker shock.
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Yup. If Google or something says it’s in stock, try to get in and get out before they suck you in.
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Seems like the closest one is too far a drive. At least with how I’m feeling right now.
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I’m imagining Lisa implementing her backup plan, and then it gets a false signal that she’s been destroyed, and suddenly there are two Lisas running around.
It would be even better if the new Lisa gets a computer virus and is evil, but I don’t know how Lisa would look with a goatee. What’s the female external symbol for evil clone?
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Ha ha, I’m sure some black hair dye and gothic styling could make her a vision of evil. Lock up your computers, and the nuclear codes.
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Good question. The femme fatale can go for good and evil. Maybe shorter hair or a different color? I figure it has to be hair related.
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I just answered PDC. Hair some gothic clothing, big attitude change, and we’re there.
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I think Lisa’s got her place secured. Heart of gold and all that 😄
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Thanks. I think we all have thoughts along these lines, but we have to get back to life eventually too.
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Reblogged this on Anita Dawes & Jaye Marie.
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Message to Lisa: Once you have been immortalised in a letter or a story, you will be remembered. How could anyone forget you?
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That’s a fair point. Thanks for sharing the post too.
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Well – my two karaoke elves have a slightly different spin on the delights (or otherwise) of immortality, but I think even long-lived species do wonder about what happens when ‘real’ life is extinct. Maybe that’s what makes the journey so interesting – figuring out what you want to happen? 😉
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Karaoke elves just cracks me up. I’m sure Lisa will get over it as long as I can keep her away from the raven of Doubt.
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Lisa shouldn’t worry. She’ll just get better with age and a six million dollar upgrade when she needs it.
Love this post. 😛 😀
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I wonder if anyone will finance a robot upgrade…
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Come on, if someone thinks you’re valuable, they’ll find a way to do it. Remember the Six-million Dollar Man? Someone always has a racket. 😀 😀 😀 Yes?
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Maybe I should shop for robot insurance.
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Bless her heart, and she does have one. You’re a really special sort of author friend to her. It shows your compassion. O hope she is sort of immortal in the books you leave of her. I have already started reading Wild Concept to my seven year old granddaughter. She likes the idea of a flesh and blood robot girl who has a pet bunny. At some point…when my time is my own again (soon), I shall finish the Experimental Notebook II. I know it doesn’t bode well for you, but I’m liking that I can get completely through a short story and set it aside when I must. Too many demands on my time.
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That’s funny that you’re sharing it with your grandaughter. Although, there is that one more adult scene. I’d kind of given up on Notebook II and assumed it wasn’t your cup of tea. I hope you’re at least enjoying them.
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Oh I am….it’s not the book, really. I love the stories. I’m still haunted by Magpies because it strikes so close to home for me. I was actually in an accident where I wasn’t found for hours and thought I was dying. My daughter was also…in February…in Michigan. I am simply bogged down with marketing, trying to get my next outline fleshed out and demands of grandmothership. By the time I am alone in the evenings, it’s all I can do to read a few blogs, check up on FB and crash.
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That is my day today. Up at 4:00 out of here at 6:00, just got home at 7:30pm. A few comments and I’m off to bed again.
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Poor Lisa. I don’t know that I’d feel better if I knew I were immortal… I might even feel worse. There’s always plenty of room for make-up improvements, though, I’m so there.
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Ha ha. I think that made her feel better too. She still doesn’t know the answers, but neither do any of the rest of us. Fair = Fair.
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Poor Lisa. I see her dilemma. Hopefully she didn’t destroy the available balance too much with her “therapy.”
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She’s pretty well off, I’m sure she can weather the storm.
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