Category Archives: Lisa Burton Radio

Lisa Burton Radio

The Frank Rozzani Detective Agency, on Lisa Burton Radio

Don’t touch that dial. You’ve found Lisa Burton Radio, the only show that brings you the characters from the books you love to read. This episode is for you amateur detectives, the mystery solving maniacs among you, and those who crave a big puzzle as part of your reading regimen.

I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and with me in the studio today is Frank Rozzani and Clifford Jones the third. “Welcome to the show, fellas.”

“Please call me Jonesy. Clifford is the horrible name my parents gave me. My mom was so embarrassed, she called me Trey for the third.”

“Alright, Jonesy. You two boys team up in a kind of private detective agency. That’s kind of an unusual profession, or is it more of a hobby?”

“Well, for Jonesy, it’s a hobby. For me, it’s turning into a profession although I get paid like it’s a hobby sometimes.”

“Frank’s right. Although, when people come to us to find lost cats and lost wallets, I think we might even need to get a new hobby.”

“I want to get into your background, Frank, if that’s okay. It makes some sense that a police officer could become a PI. Why don’t you just work inside the system? You could be a cop in Jacksonville as easily as New York.”

“I was a policeman. Being forced to take on a case I didn’t want got my wife killed. Being a PI lets me pick my own cases. There are a lot of people in this community that need help that can’t afford a P.I. I’m able to help them out. Someone has to help the underdog.”

“Hmm, underdog, is that what led you to Jonesy?”

“I consider myself more like Shaggy from Scooby Doo instead of being the actual dog.”

“Jonesy is selling himself short. You’re looking at a guy who passed the bar without studying, is a computer genius, surfs and he also does a decent job of playing the drums in my jazz trio.”

“Someone has to drown out your piano playing.”

“Now, Frank, let’s talk about that personal project. People aren’t going to warm up to a character who abandons his children like you did. You probably have to help a lot of underdogs to balance that book.”

“Ouch, Lisa. Way to hit a guy below the belt.”

“It’s okay, Jonesy. Since you brought it up, my kids had to go into witness protection. The witness I protected brought down a significant chunk of the mob with his testimony. I was threatened and I figured if I was going to get out of town, I needed to protect my kids. They offered all three of us witness protection, but I have some unfinished business with the people who murdered my wife.

“I’ll be glad if they come and look for me. I’ll be waiting, but they better hope I don’t find them first. So you see, I help underdogs because no one else will. It’s not related to guilt. It’s just something that needs to be done.”

“When you explain it that way, it’s really more of a sacrifice than abandonment. I’m glad you took the time to explain it. There’s going to come a time when you have to let go of the past to take advantage of the future. I mean, you’re a nice looking man. You’ve got almost a Bradley Cooper thing going on, and a nicer jacket, maybe a decent haircut, and lots of women would be interested in you.”

“Well, he does share his bed with a lovely female. She is a beauty, despite the bad breath. Tell her about Lucy, Frank.”

“Jonesy, you’re in full wise-ass mode today. Lucy is a dog. I’d say she’s my dog, but she just kind of showed up at my trailer the day I moved in. The trailer is my office. I rent it from Sam Monreaux. He’s the proprietor of a local restaurant where Jonesy and I play with our Jazz trio on weekends. He is also the benefactor to a lot of local underdogs and subsidizes a lot of the cases we take on.”

“You still didn’t answer her question about women. What are you, a politician? Answer the question you were asked.”

“I…just. I just need some time. My wife’s death is not something I’ll get over easily. Maybe when I find the bastards responsible I’ll be ready to move on. It’s just not something I want right now.”

“Oh, honey, you’re so broken. Maybe a nice girl can help you out of this dark place. Plenty of women like to fix things for their man. What about that lady detective, what was her name?”

“Yeah, Frank what about Anita?”

“Um, Thanks Jonesy. Anita is like my sister. Besides, let’s just say, we have the same taste in potential partners.”

“Okay, moving on then. Tell us about your latest project.”

“In our latest case, Jonesy and I had to go undercover to investigate the disappearance of twin 10-year-old girls. They were on a cruise with their parents and they just disappeared. Their dad was an ex-Navy Seal and we enlisted his help on this one.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing he helped us or Frank could have ended up visiting Davy Jones’ locker.”

“No thanks to you, Jonesy. You were off enjoying the fun and sun in Panama when that happened.”

“Fun and sun? Is that what you call it. I felt like I was at a Rambo wannabe convention.”

“Anyway, the case was a tough one, especially going under cover.”

“It wasn’t that bad. We had to blend in with the musicians on the cruise ship. It was kind of fun.”

“Maybe for you. At any rate, this was the fifth in a line of high-profile cases, but this one was special because of the age of the victims and the ruthlessness of the bad guys.”

“Gents, it’s been fun, but we’re about out of time. I sincerely hope you can find those little girls. Any last words for our listeners?”

“Cases like the one we are currently on are becoming a specialty. If despicable people want to victimize defenseless members of my community, they’re going to pay a price. Jonesy and I won’t let it stand. We will come after you and we will catch you. You might want to do yourself a favor and turn yourself it. It will be the easier way out, trust me.”

“Lisa, thanks for having us. All kidding aside, Frank is right. Mess with our people and we will mess with you. Thanks for letting us put the word out.”

“Check out the entire Frank Rozzani Detective Series. I’ll include all the contact data on the website. I’m always looking for guests, so if you’d like to have a character on Lisa Burton Radio, drop me a line.

“Help me keep the lights on around here by using the sharing links on Craig’s blog. I’ll appreciate it, and I’m sure Frank and Jonesy would too. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

***

Frankly Speaking (Book 1)

http://getbook.at/FranklySpeaking

 

Let Me Be Frank (Book 2)

http://getbook.at/LetMeBeFrank

 

Frank Incensed (Book 3)

http://getbook.at/FrankIncensed

 

Frankly My Dear (Book 4)

http://getbook.at/FranklyMyDear

 

Frank Immersed (Book 5)

http://mybook.to/FrankImmersed

Follow Don at the following locations:

Web Site:

www.donmassenzio.com

 

Blog

Facebook

Amazon Author Page

Twitter

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The Drowned Tower, on Lisa Burton Radio

Don’t touch that dial. You’ve found Lisa Burton Radio, the only show that interviews the characters you love to read about. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and my special guest today is Jacques Dace. He’s currently locked in a tower under the sea. “Welcome to the show, Jacques.”

“Just Jack actually, and it’s a pleasure.”

“Alright, Jack. Tell our listeners how you came to be locked up in, I believe it’s called the Drowned Tower.”

“Oh, that wonderful place. If you must know, my parents are both… important people I suppose is the word, though busy works just as well. Regardless, that doesn’t change the fact that there are so many capable of using magic in this world—or practitioners as we call them. But with so many greenhorns, there aren’t enough Masters to properly teach them all. So, my parents had the brilliant idea of sending me to the Drowned Tower for better private training. There are a ton of Masters there that would kill for the chance to personally mentor the son of Leonas Dace.”

“Learning things is good. Locking you up sounds a bit extreme though. Is this for your own safety, because it’s under water?”

“Ha, I wish! Those old codgers in the Drowned Tower’s Assembly are just so afraid of us deserting and doing something awful that they decided to restrict our freedom. It’s baseless fear of the unknown. Nothing more, everything less. You should see the rest of the practitioners in the Tower! All pale-skinned and petrified by the sun.

“Though we are allowed out sometimes… some of us anyway. Mostly those specifically chosen by the Assembly to help deal with their… problems. I’d love to elaborate on this, but—I can’t. Confidentiality and all. The Assembly will have my neck if I do, and I’m already shoulder-deep in the wrong side with them.

“But really, of all the places my parents could send me, they choose the Drowned Tower! Was the Weeping Grove not an option? Or the Red Veld? At least they allow some semblance of freedom.

“Creator, those two have more than a few screws loose. I swear I’ll change my world as soon as I get the chance to return to the Diamond Alps. That’s the only place you can get anything done in this godforsaken world.”

“Why don’t you just sneak out and go to one of the other schools?”

“If only it was that easy. A long time ago this practitioner named… well, let’s just call him, ‘Old Bag A,’ so I’m not reprimanded for directly slandering his name. Anyway, he made this nifty little curse called, the Demar Spell. It’s a dream for all stalkers out there. Let’s the caster know where the casted is at all times. It’s used by all the schools, though some use it more often than others.

“I won’t go into the specifics about how the spell works, but I’ll tell you this—in the Tower, running off without one is enough to warrant a call to the Hunters. They round you up and send you down to the lower floors where the old dungeons are. I hate that place. It smells like old fear and iron. There are rats there the size of my head. They like to gnaw on your clothes while you sleep.

“Run off enough times and you’ll get sent away to a… <swallows>… special place.”

“It can’t be all that bad. Maybe the Drowned Tower is a really good school, too. Surely you graduate eventually and get to leave. Think of it more like a stint in the Army, or in the Tower’s case, Navy.”

“It’s a good school alright—for a certain kind of practitioner that is. The only escape from the Drowned Tower is by becoming a Master or receiving an invitation to the Diamond Alps up north. Trust me when I say that there are those that have spent their lives trying and failing to even be noticed by the Elders in the Alps. Those demented old bags can’t even stop squabbling long enough to notice the rest of the world around them. All they do is sit, smile, and lie to each other. I’ve vowed to never be like that. I don’t lie.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

“Not even a tiny kind of joke lie?”

“Never.”

“Let’s test that, shall we? Do you think I’m cute?”

“Ye—Wait, what? For the love of… what kind of question is… how did we even get here? <cough> Okay, fine, just to prove that I never lie… yes. Yes, I do.”

“My bio says you have a very close relationship with someone named Sylvie. What do you think she’d say about that?”

Vaklas in an den! Those rumors again! Where’d you hear that one from? That turkey, Tiv? Or no… I bet it was from those new practitioners they brought in yesterday. Gossip travels faster than light.

“Really though, us… close? That’s rich. Sylvie has the talent to change things, yet decides to remain as languid as a fish that never goes against the current. It’s… infuriating. She has a good head on her shoulders though, knows when to draw near and when to back down, and when she is interested in something, her focus tunnels into the immedi—anyway, I’m just helping her figure something out about this Heartstone she found topside a few days ago.

“She didn’t even know what it was at first. I don’t blame her though. The one she found is creepy. There’s… something strange inside it. A woman? Or just her conscience? I can’t exactly describe what it is, but then again I don’t want to. It makes Her seem more… real. She knows things though. Old, ancient truths that could spin the world on its head.”

“Do you think you can trust Her, meaning the spirit in the stone?”

“I don’t know. But it’s not really something I want to put my trust in. I mean, a spirit trapped in some common stone, promising me knowledge and power in exchange for—it just sounds too good to be true.

“Besides, what’s the point of achieving something if I don’t do it with my own strength? I’ve been training for a long time now, and it’s finally time for me to put those skills to the test. The Drowned Tower’s been alive with talk about the Elder from the north that arrived in a few ticks back. They say it’s for a Choosing. Those that get chosen will accompany him back to the Diamond Alps. I’m not going to miss this chance.

“So you kids are going to butter up this Elder, in hopes that he’ll take you away as the champion of this Choosing. I think you have a math problem. There’s two of you and only one winner. How are you going to get around that?”

“Well, the number of people that gets chosen actually depends on the Elder and the Drowned Tower’s Assembly. It can range anywhere between all of us to none of us. In any case, I’ve already told Sylvie about my plans, and honestly, I have no idea what’s running through that head of hers. She claims to be uninterested in the whole affair, yet she plans to run anyway. Granted, she was ordered to by—ugh! Never mind. I don’t even want to think about him.

“All I can say for now is that I’m helping Sylvie figure out the secret behind that stone and waiting endlessly for the Elder to call those he thinks capable of fulfilling his task. Patience isn’t exactly my… strongest quality. And I think that damn Elder is stalling on purpose. I can only guess the kind of job he’ll give. Hopefully nothing too… bloody. Thelarius knows we’ve got enough of that on our hands.

“Personally, I’m rooting for a simple face-off against the others or something that’ll allow us to go topside. This place is suffocating.”

“I wish you guys the best of luck. Maybe a new school would change your perspective of the world. Any closing thoughts for our listeners today?”

“If any of you can hear that thing in the Heartstone, give me or Sylvie a shout, will you? Spirits are apparently selective with their audience, and just for the record, I… or rather we aren’t insane. It’s really there! And it’s awfully annoying. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it a thousand more times: I don’t lie.”

“You can find out whether Jack and Sylvie actually manage to change their world by picking up a copy of Heartstone, The Drowned Tower. I’ll include all the pertinents on the website.

“Don’t forget to use those sharing buttons after the show. I’m sure Jack and Nicholas would appreciate it, and they’d do the same for you.

“If you’d like one of your characters to appear on Lisa Burton Radio, drop me a line. I always need guests. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

***

Book Blurb:

“If the future was bared before you, would it still be yours?

If the past could chase you, would you run from it?
If the world crumbled tonight, would you carve your own?”

Freedom is out of the question for practitioners of the Institute, and any supporters otherwise are dealt with violently. A system Sylvie Sirx neither refutes, nor endorses—born from an enviable family, talented in her skills, and entirely too content with her position, her path has always been a straight one… until now.

Her qualifications backfire when an elder from the north descends upon her home for a Choosing. He calls upon the Drowned Tower’s most sought after practitioners for a simple job that ends in blood, and then Sylvie’s blissful world erupts. She finds herself in the company of the Elementalist, Jacques Dace, an insufferable but deadly enthusiast of personal reform. Together, they’re swept into a spiral of powerful magic and ancient grudges. Where truth bends, stones whisper secrets of the past, and their home lies at the heart of what could very well be Ferus Terria’s next recorded war.

And for once, she is forced to choose a side, learning for herself what it means to master fate.

LINKS

My Books:

PAPERBACK | EBOOK

Connect with me:

Website | Instagram | Twitter | Tumblr | Amazon

 

 

Author Bio:

NICHOLAS RINTH lives lakeside in the southern graces of Savannah, Georgia. Where he spends his time fantasizing about other worlds and working on his next novel.

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This Bookmobile has copies of Interludes

Hello, everyone, Harmony Kent here. Welcome to my tour stop on the Story Empire Roadshow. First of all, I would like to give Craig a huge thank you for hosting me today. Yesterday, we did a bit of exploring around the murky world of The Forest of Dean, the setting for my Mystery/thriller, The Glade. Today, having had so much fun the first time around, I thought we could revisit an interview between Craig’s awesome Lisa Burton and one of my side characters from Interludes (the naughty book). And, remember, throughout this week, I’ve set up offers on Kindle deals on some of my books, so do visit the other tour stops for details of which books and when the discounts are happening. The most prolific commenter at the end of the tour will get to choose ONE copy of any TWO of my ebooks!

Lisa Burton Presents

 

‘This is Lisa Burton, the robot girl, and this is Lisa Burton Radio. Don’t touch that dial, because we’ve got some hot and steamy erotica lined up for you today.

‘Our sponsor today is Interludes, by Harmony Kent. This is a steamy group of erotic short stories for adults.

‘Our guest today is Giles Fontaume, a wealthy businessman from New York.

‘Welcome to the show, Giles.’

‘Hello, Lisa. Actually, it’s Mr Fontaume. Would you be good enough to tell me the reason for this call?’

‘We’ve gotten a report that you were involved in a yachting accident where a young woman went missing. What can you tell our listeners about that?’

‘You have me on air now?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh. <cough> . Yes. The Elloise—’

‘That would be your yacht, correct?’

‘Correct. We left Coffs Harbour en route for Monterey Bay … taking the scenic route. Nine days out, the …<ahem> … young lady in question jumped ship.’

‘Okay Mister Fontaume, but the world wants to know what happened to poor Stella? I have newspapers from Brisbane, Tokyo, London, New York, and even Entertainment Tonight, and all of them want to know what happened to her? Where did she disembark?’

‘I hardly think that’s at all relevant. I hired the woman to waitress for the trip, and she failed to execute her duties.’

‘Yes, but she hasn’t been seen since you left Coffs. Again, Giles, where did Stella disembark, exactly?’

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake. It’s not my fault she took it into her silly little head to jump overboard in the middle of the Pacific. I mean, how stupid do you have to be? I threw her a life jacket; what more could I have done? Surely, I don’t have to tell you how utterly awful my travels were without a proper waitress. Damned inconvenient.’

‘The life jacket was magnanimous of you. Did you even think about turning back for her? It isn’t like she could swim to Monterey Bay.’

‘Turn back? Are you mad? I couldn’t possibly go back. No, that wouldn’t do at all. I had a schedule to keep. And, of course, that idiotic stunt was her idea. No, no. The silly woman isn’t my responsibility at all. Besides, I’m sure we were near a shipping route. Yes, most likely some other boat picked her up. You understand that I couldn’t have my whole trip disrupted because one of my minions decided to duck out of her obligations. I mean, she knew what I expected from her when she took the position.’

‘It looks like we have a caller. I hope it’s one of the networks, like BBC or someone. Hello, caller, you’re on the air with Lisa Burton and Giles Fontaume.’

‘Hi, this is Stella. I just heard the show, and called to speak with Giles.’

‘Stella! You’re safe? Thank goodness. What would you like to say to Giles?’

‘Giles, you’re an arsehole. I nearly drowned. Not to mention the sharks. How could you have just left me to die?’

‘Oh, please. That’s just like you to over-exaggerate. Besides, you’re the one who jumped. I should sue you for the inconven—’

‘Jumped? I fell, and you know it. After you pushed me. If you hadn’t tried to force yourself on me, it would never have happened in the first place. And, as for your comment about me not fulfilling my duties, I’d like to know where in the contract I agreed to sleep with you? As far as I’m concerned, waitressing means just that. I never signed up to serve you in other ways. You might have thought it’d round off your evening bourbon on the aft deck, but—I promise you—it was nothing more than harassment.’

‘Oh, calm down, woman. I ought to have known better than to employ an hysterical female. It’s not as if anything bad happened to you.’

‘Oh, no, of course not. I only drifted at sea for days on end with nothing to drink or to protect me from the sun. It’s a pure fluke that sharks didn’t eat me for breakfast. Only chance washed me up on that small island. And if a Hawaiian native hadn’t been there on retreat … well, I dread to think what … I would’ve starved to death. I should report you for attempted murder.’

‘That’s terrible, Stella, but we’re all glad you’re safe. I don’t know what I would do under those circumstances; robot girls don’t float. Walk until my battery died I suppose. So where are you now?’

‘I’m in Hawaii with the guy who saved me. And, believe me, he’s so much more man than Giles will ever be … um, yes, he’s all man. Anyway, the reason I rang in … I need a Green Card, and Giles can get me one as my employer. It’s all his fault that I’m stuck here in this position.’

‘What’s stopping you from going back where you came from, to the UK?’

‘Well, let me see. Oh, right, all my possessions and money stayed on your little yacht.’

‘It’s hardly little—’

‘And, I’m pregnant. So, no, going back isn’t an option. And I don’t want to. That was never in my plans, and I’ll be dammed if I’m gonna let you muck it all up.’

‘Don’t look at me to sort out your problems. Why should I? You’ve done nothing for me but give me trouble. And as for that trashy book you left on board … Interludes, was it? I’ve never read such smut. That tells me everything I need to know about the kind of girl you are. Those stories are so hot they burned the pages. Ugh, all that romance—I can’t stand it, no matter how much you dress it up with alien hunks or hot shifters or dying heroines. And now you’re pregnant. Well, no surprises there. You are so not my problem.’

‘Well, Mister Fontaume, it sounds like you’ve read Stella’s whole book, so—obviously—it grabbed your attention.’

‘Interludes isn’t trashy, and neither am I. The book is a sexy collection of short stories that has a well balanced mixture of romances including contemporary erotic romance, shifter romance, alien romance, and historical romance, that will appeal to everyone. From sweet to hot; to friendship and second chances; to a variety of real life issues that the characters deal with, Harmony lets us experience enjoyable and steamy erotic romance short stories that will leave any reasonable reader wanting more. But then, we all know by now that you’re anything but reasonable, don’t we, Mr Fontaume? You’ve just proved, again, how selfish and out of touch with everyday people you are. Now, about that Green Card?’

‘I swear, if you don’t help this poor woman, I’m going to hack into your accounts and make life miserable for you. I’m a robot girl, and I can do it too. I won’t leave a single track. Her author already put her through enough, and most of it’s your fault.’

‘Hawaii’s nice. I want to stay here. And Kaimi is gorgeous and kind and … yes, well, things got a tad steamy on the island. It took a long time for him to nurse me back to health, and we’ve fallen in love. The thing is, I’m not ready to get married, not yet, and definitely not just to get my American citizenship—I’m not that sort of girl. Giles promised me a Green Card at the Monterey end of my waitressing gig. So come on, man, give it up. You owe me big time. Of course, I’m glad Harmony eventually came through for me, but an extra paragraph or two about a settlement or a Green Card would have helped, you know.’

‘You don’t get it. You didn’t finish your contract. So, no Green Card from me. You have to earn it—’

‘Okay, time to wrap it up, folks. We’ve heard enough from Giles for one lifetime. One last word for our guest; I know lots of lawyers and barristers, and I’m sure they’d love to hear about Stella’s plight and how Mr Giles Fontaume of New York left her for dead after she fought off his unwanted advances. On behalf of all our listeners, I’d like to offer my condolences for everything you’ve been through, Stella. We are delighted that you made it through what can only have been a horrendous experience. And it’s great to hear that you’ve found love. Sounds like your island stay might have been rather … interesting.

‘For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. I’ll post all the details about Interludes, by Harmony Kent on the website.

***

Harmony Kent
My latest book, Moments, is available on pre-order on Amazon. Pre-order HERE (US) and HERE (UK). This is a collection of short stories and poetry that touches upon death, grieving, war, fresh starts, hope, courage, change, choices, and encouragement. Take a moment to delve into tales from the dark side, have fun with fantasy, dabble in dystopia, and court danger in a little science fiction.

I’d love to hear what some of your favourite characters are from books you’ve read. Thanks so much for stopping by!

My website/blog: http://harmonykent.co.uk

My twitter handle: @harmony_kent

My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/HarmonyKentOnline

My Amazon Page: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Harmony-Kent/e/B00CO0AR7U and https://www.amazon.com/Harmony-Kent/e/B00CO0AR7U

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Dear Lisa Vol. 2, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Lisa Burton

Hey, hipsters, Lisa Burton the robot girl here, and today we’re doing something fun. I don’t have a guest to interview, so we’re holding another episode of Dear Lisa. This is where I flip through some of the fan mail, and answer it on the air. Stick with me, it’ll be fun.

Our first letter comes from Long Island and wants to know what my first job was.

I try really hard to be just as human as everyone else, but admit that I’m a little different. I was created in a concept lab as both a promotional tool, and to demonstrate what the future of robotics could hold. Part of the bargain was to plant me into society and see how I adapt as a human. Some people are nervous nellies, and were terrified that I’d go all Skynet on them. That meant the police department was the only place they’d let me work. They were better equipped to watch over me, so to speak.

At the Hudson Police Department, I was assigned to the homicide squad. My absolute very first job was to make a Vice sweep. It’s kind of a hazing slash welcome to the department kind of thing. I caught some perps too. The night ended early when we got a call about a body someone found.

This next one is kind of sad, and I’m going to read it so you get the gist of it.

Dear Lisa,

Lately my boyfriend is always showing up late. He tells me football practice ran late, but I’ve got my doubts. I’ve also noticed him checking out my fellow cheerleaders when he comes to pick me up. I’m afraid if I confront him, he’ll leave me. He’s the most popular boy in school. I can’t lose him. What should I do?

Signed,

Heartbroken in High School

This is something I can really sink my teeth into, and there are a couple of ways to answer you. Since it’s my show, I’m going to do both. You can’t hack into his phone and computer, like I can. You can try taking a look at his phone when he’s at practice. You might find all kinds of evidence on social media, text messages, those kind of places. There are any number of small drones you can use to see what he’s up to when you’re out of sight too. That seems simple enough, but may not be the best option.

The second part of this answer is that you seem to need him to establish your own value. The only way you described him is how popular he is. You didn’t tell me anything about him except that he plays football and is popular. No mention of his cute smile, or how he makes you feel. You need to find a way to feel valuable without him. When you’ve done that, he might be an asset. Without your own feeling of self worth, you’ll never be stable in the relationship.

The last one for today is from Yukon, Canada. This person wants to know why Bunny is so important to me.

For new people, Bunny is my pet rabbit. He and I have a lot of similarities. He is a genetically modified organism, I have GMO human skin covering my chassis. My original experiment involved me being broken down into my component parts at the end to study for wear and tear. Bunny is a Kansas City Broiler, and he was going to be broken down into his component parts too.

I rescued Bunny and saved him from the butcher shop, and in doing so he inspired me to save myself. I found my own self worth, and decided not to be broken down at the end of my experiment. It was a struggle, and I suffered some real loss. Bunny and I got through it together, and we stay together through thick and thin.

That was fun, and we should do it again some time. In order to do it, I need your fan mail. You can drop me a comment here on the blog, Facebook me, or send me an email. I’ll hang onto the the questions for a future edition of Dear Lisa.

This broadcast is primarily for me to interview characters from the books you love to read. I’m in need of characters again too. I have a few questionnaires out in cyberspace somewhere, but nothing broadcast ready right now. Authors, send me your protagonists, your colorful supporting characters, even your antagonists. I’d love to help promote their books. Return visits aren’t just allowed, they’re encouraged.

If you aren’t an author, you can still send a question for me to answer. You can also tell someone about Lisa Burton Radio by using the sharing buttons below. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. Have a great day.

***

Lisa can be reached at coldhand (dot) boyack (at) gmail (dot) com, on Facebook, or in the comments.

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Detour Trail, on Lisa Burton Radio

Coming at you with 1.21 jigawatts of power, all across the known universe and dimensions you’ve never even heard of, this is Lisa Burton Radio. The only show out there that interviews the characters you love to read about.

I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and we’re broadcasting remotely today from the field just outside my studio. This is because, my special guest today can’t fit inside the little Airstream that houses the studio. “Welcome to the show, Jake.”

“Lisa, Hi! Nice field, by the way.”

“Thanks. Now for our listeners out there, you’re actually a mule. Can you tell me a little about your parents?”

“The first thing I remember is my mother–she was a beautiful red mare–red roan they called her. She was so beautiful and gentle. She taught me manners–and to be careful around humans. My father? I only saw my father once; he was a big black jack–blacker than me, but I’m even bigger than he was.”

“So how did such a noble creature as yourself, wind up on a wagon train during the westward expansion?”

“I have to tell you about Tommy first. I belonged to Tommy; he raised me and trained me and taught me tricks. ‘Course I trained him too, and he talked to me, even when the other kids made fun of him. We went to school and to the store and everywhere together.

“But then Tommy’s father heard that a woman was in town buying livestock and supplies for her wagons. I knew Tommy’s folks needed money, and Tommy’s mother wanted to go back home–that was way back east. Tommy explained it all to me and showed me pictures of houses back east–not like the tiny dark cabins out here–and no trees. His mother looked happier in those pictures. I could see that–maybe more than Tommy. He loved it here. We’re settling the frontier, he said. But they needed money, and his mother made him understand that a mule wouldn’t be happy because there’d be no room for him there. Not enough grass either, I think.

“So Tommy led me to town; it took longer that way, and I nudged him a few times to tell him he should ride, but he shook his head and kept patting my neck as we walked along together. At first the woman told us that she didn’t need any more animals; I could see the other animals and chickens, and it didn’t look like she needed us. Me. Tommy turned away and wiped his eyes; we both thought she’d be better than a mule skinner or farmer. But Lorrie’s friend Star talked to her, and Tommy told them how smart and well-trained I was. Then he said that they needed me more than he did. The two ladies looked at each other; I could see that Lorrie was still undecided so I lipped her jacket and snuffled Star’s hair. I could tell they liked their horses and were good to their livestock. (Well, Sunny told me so.)

“They discussed my price after that; I didn’t understand the numbers, but Tommy seemed pleased until he turned and looked at me. He took me aside and explained what was going on, though I knew that already. Then he said good-by, and we all watched him walk away, but soon he began running, and I could hear him sobbing as he headed for the woods. I knew he wasn’t going home yet.

“Star knew more than Lorrie about loading me so she kept adding packs until I told them that was enough. You can say a lot by stamping your feet and shaking your head. Tommy could read me real well, and I knew I could teach them. When I remember Tommy, I remember how he took care of me and taught me things that I still use…”

“Lorrie sounds nice, but it almost sounds like she has her own problems getting out west.”

“Yes. I learned more about her from the horses, Sunny and Shadow. She was traveling with her uncle on a big wagon train, but he was killed by a thief who was after his money belt. Well, after that, the wagon master told her she couldn’t go with them, of course, because she was all alone. She needed to go back east and find a husband to take care of her. That made her mad, they told me. She even stamped her feet later, but she was polite to him. Naturally Lorrie didn’t agree, so she waited for another train. It was getting late for taking the Oregon Trail, but while she was waiting, she learned about a black couple–runaway slaves maybe–other humans guessed. And then she rescued a brother and sister from bullies. Together they joined another train–with her niece and nephew and her people, she always explained. And she had her uncle’s money belt and bought a couple more wagons–they did break down–and livestock. That included me, you understand. And she added a human family later on.”

“It sounds like the makings of a pretty good story. Two characters with tragic backgrounds come together to accomplish something great. I’ve read your bio, and there is much more to you than pulling a wagon. You’re almost a watchdog for the group. What can you tell me about that?”

“Lorrie did need me–as Tommy told her–and sometimes when there was danger, she didn’t load me up at all. She talked to me the way Tommy did and explained her–our–plan, and I ran loose or skulked alongside the trail and listened. And when we visited that old hotel far off the trail, I could smell the blood and death, and I pushed her out of the barn and stamped on the wooden floor. It was covered with dirt and straw, but I could smell the blood and bodies beneath it. She looked down and walked away and put me in a stall that she made sure was unlocked.

“The danger didn’t always come from men. Blizzards could trap us too. She took chances when running low on supplies for her people, and she and the oxen were buried once. They kept her warm, but the tent was buried under the snow, and I dug her out. I wrecked the tent, but when we made it to the nearest ranch, the people there looked at the tent and me and nodded. I think they gave us both the credit…

“The men along the trail warned us about the chances of a blizzard because winter was a lot closer now, but you never could tell, they said, how the weather would behave. Safest not to take chances, but Lorrie had to keep her people safe and supplied. And the livestock needed hay too, so she took a chance with the possibility of a blizzard and the cold. When she was trapped under the tent, I could hear her coughing, and I knew I had to dig her out, but carefully, so I tugged on the tent and dug when I could feel my way. She hugged my neck as I backed away and pulled her out.”

“What else is there to watch out for? Are we talking Indians here?”

“Oh yeah… That’s when we met Grey Cloud. His companion, Brock, was ambushed by Indians–a different tribe from our own Indians. Grey Cloud was a big gray wolf, and when he came to our cabin, naturally I lit out after him. I chased him around our cabin a few times until he vanished into the woods and up the mountain. He came back with a bloody rag; I let him show it to Lorrie while I watched; and I stood guard at the cabin later after Gray Cloud led us to Brock; he was badly wounded, but Many Stars took out the arrows and nursed him. Life became even more interesting after that.

“Later, because Lorrie’s companions did worry about her, she sometimes took a human with her. Like when she heard about the people disappearing at an old hotel far back in the woods off the busy trails. She just had to find out what was happening and laid a trap for them. I was outside in the barn, waiting and listening too. A man came out and went after the horses with a knife, so I went after him…”

“It sounds to me like everything is dangerous. There’s the weather, the environment, the Natives. I’ll bet there isn’t a decent shoe store for weeks in either direction.”

“Funny you should mention that. There isn’t a store of any kind, and supplies are hard to come by…. Lorrie traveled back and forth along the trail; sometimes she’d hire a mule train. I went along as a guard, of course. And we got supplies further west from a fort and ranches.”

“Jake, it sounds to me like Lorrie, Sunny, and the others really need you. It’s so important to be doing meaningful work.”

“Thank you, Lisa. I knew you would understand. Speaking of that… now I have to go home; they need me. It was great talking to you, Lisa. It’s harder with humans, as you may know.”

“I understand, Jake, and thank you for taking time to tell your story to our listeners today. Any last thoughts for your fans?”

“Be kind and be careful–and don’t overload anyone’s pack!”

“Jake appears in Detour Trail, by Joy V. Smith. I’ll include all the deets on the website. Do Joy and Jake a solid, and use those sharing buttons today.

“I’m always looking for guests, so if you know of a character that would like to appear on a future Lisa Burton Radio, drop me a line. Stay awesome.”

***

Westward bound on the Oregon Trail, Lorena Emerson is alone after her uncle is killed by a thief trying to steal his money belt. Ignoring the wagon master’s advice to go home, she rounds up others needing help, and they join a later wagon train and are soon slogging through dust and mud and steep mountain passes. It’s a long way to Oregon, and because another woman needs her help, Lorrie again goes her own way, leaving the wagon train and the Oregon Trail to travel onward—off the beaten path—with her small group of wagons. She’s helped by members of her wagon train, people she meets along the way, and the mule, Jake, an integral part of the story. You’ll meet them as they join in her travels and encounters with enemies and as she searches for a new home and supplies as winter reaches out its icy hands…. Settling the frontier isn’t easy!

 

Detour Trail, is available from Melange Books, the publisher, and elsewhere online : http://www.melange-books.com/authors/joyvsmith/detourtrail.html

http://www.amazon.com/Detour-Trail-Joy-V-Smith/dp/1612355706/

 

Joy V. Smith has been writing since she was a little kid; she loved to read, and she wanted to create her own books, so she did, complete with covers. Now she writes fiction–her favorite genre is science fiction–and non-fiction. (She loves settling planets and the frontier, which is why she wrote Detour Trail.) Her short stories have been published in print magazines, webzines, anthologies, and two audiobooks, including Sugar Time. Her books include Detour Trail, Strike Three, and Sugar Time (revised print edition) She lives in Florida with Blizzard the Snow Princess and Pemberley the tortoiseshell kitten.

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Galactic Cruise Lines, on Lisa Burton Radio

Hold on to your hats everyone. You've found Lisa Burton Radio, the only show in the universe that interviews the characters from the books you love. I'm your host, Lisa the robot girl, and with me in the studio today is Henri, the Executive Chef on Galactic Cruise Lines' ship the SS Malpais.

What you can't see, is that Henri is an Alturan. He's nearly seven feet tall, and is a cephalopod type lifeform. I'm talking tentacles all over the place, and three eye-stalks. We've been enjoying a cup of Alturan tea before the broadcast, and he's really an interesting person. “Welcome to the show, Henri.”

“Hello, Lisa. It’s good to be here. I hope you enjoyed the Bascula tea I brought. It can cause hallucinations in some species, but not Alturans. I hope it doesn’t affect you adversely.”

“Oh, don't worry about that. I don't think robot girls can get hallucinations. Now, my bio says that one of your best friends is in security for the cruise line, and that he's an Elf. I find that fascinating. How did you two meet?”

“Baudwin Llewellyn isn’t just in security, he’s Galactic Cruise Lines Chief Sleuthhound. He’s a top notch investigator. We’ve been friends for years. I’m not sure I can even remember exactly where we met. I think some friends introduced us when we were all hanging out at a suit fighting match.”

“That sounds fascinating, Henri. What's a suit fighting competition, and do you hold those on the ship too?”

“We haven’t yet hosted a suit fighting competition on the Malpais, but I may suggest that to Kat when I get back to the ship. Suit fighting features two competitors remotely controlling robots that fight each other. It used to be popular mostly with young men in the robotics community, but recently Retired General Marta Aymar, the wife of Prince Lucien of the Ventos Prime elves, made it to the league finals. Since then, the sport has become much more popular and has attracted a lot of young female fans and participants.”

“That's terrible. Those poor robots. You did get the memo that say's I'm a robot didn't you?”

“I don't believe those robots are sentient like you. They are merely remote controlled equipment.”

“Alright, back to the interview. My bio says you met in the Elf Marines, an organization similar to the French Foreign Legion. Are you sure you don't remember?”

“As I said, Chief Llewellyn and I have been friends a long time. Did you have questions about what it’s like to be a chef on a cruise ship?”

“Sorry, Henri. Let me make it up to you with this Nutribar. I picked up the anchovy flavor, I hope it's alright.”

“Thanks Lisa. We Alturans love our nutribars. This is delicious.”

“There, all better. Well if it wasn't the Elf Marines, maybe you met Chief Llewellyn at Zed23, during your spy days.”

“Zed23. Right. Do I look like James Bond to you? I’m a chef not a spy, definitely not a spy. I’m famous for my wombat stew and triple chocolate cake. Those are two of the most popular dishes on the Malpais.”

“That's part of what makes you so interesting. With all your diverse background, you still had the time to work up a five star recipe for wombat stew. I'd think wombats are hard to come by in space.”

“Not really. I can use either Mathusian or Malturan wombats in my stew. I’m not sure which is better. I’m happy to use either. Well truth be told I’m happy cooking. It doesn’t matter what or where.”

“Every boy needs a hobby, and it looks like you found a way to make yours pay the bills. Here, have another Nutribar and tell us about the murders that occurred aboard the Malpais.”

“It is dreadful to think about, isn’t it? Sometimes people die on the ship just because their time has come, but if it was murder then that’s a whole different level of awful. I’m not aware of any incidents like that on the Malpais.”

“You might find this interesting, but I reached out to Baldwin Llewelyn and Ren Listripan, both deeply involved in cruise line security, and they don't seem to know anything about murders on the Malpais either. Somehow, these passengers turned up dead, but that seems to be the only available fact.”

“The Malpais has been hosting these competition cruises this year. They’ve been great fun. We had a ballroom dance one, an acapella singing one, and my favorite the baking competition. We’ve had some excitement during the competitions, but everyone has enjoyed them. Of course, not everyone agrees on who should win in any competition. I certainly had my favorites during the baking, but you know what they say, one species’ dessert is another’s poison.”

“When I spoke with Baudwin Llewellyn he mentioned that you’re cooking all the food for his upcoming wedding. He’s marrying the Malpais’ associate cruise director Kat Mitchell, right?”

“That's right, Lisa. I’m very excited. Both Baudwin and Kat are dear friends and I’m glad to play a role in their bonding.”

“I’ve heard that there will be royalty at the wedding.”

“General Royce Aymar of the EMEF is going to be Baudwin’s best elf for the ceremony and his wife is Queen Losira. It should be a wonderful celebration.”

“It's been an honor having you here, Henri. Let's have another cup of that wonderful tea, and maybe another Nutribar. Any last thoughts for our listeners?”

“Being a chef on a Galactic Cruise Lines ship is exciting. I’ve made good friends on the ship and I enjoy cooking for so many different species.”

“Henri is a recurring character in Jo Carey’s Galactic Cruise Lines series.

“Don't forget to click those sharing links on your way out. I know Henri will appreciate it, and you will too when your character appears on a future Lisa Burton Radio.”

***

Galactic Cruise Lines – This series is basically the Love Boat in space. Set on a galactic cruise line spaceship, this series will follow assistant cruise director Kat Mitchell and other crew members, like Alturan Chef Henri, as they travel the League of Planetary Systems on themed cruises where murder is afoot (or a tentacle, or a paw…) Cruises feature various competitions in the style of Earth reality shows circa 2005.
Category: Space Cozy Mystery

Jo Carey writes faced-paced, character-driven stories in a variety of genres from medical thrillers to space operas and cozy mysteries. Her novels are action-packed tales that often feature strong female leads surrounded by plenty of hunky male heroes. Jo's stories always include healthy doses of humor and romance.

Quote from Jo: “I write what I like to read–stories with happy endings and appealing heroes and heroines.”

Some of Jo's books are set in the League of Planetary Systems, a universe created by Frank and Jo Carey as the setting for many of their books. Each Book in the League can be read as a standalone novel, but if you'd like to read all of the LPS books in order you can find the sequence at

 

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Rarity From the Hollow, on Lisa Burton Radio

Hey there all you androids and extra terrestrials, you've landed on Lisa Burton Radio, the only show out there that interviews the characters you love from the books you have to read. I'm your host, Lisa the robot girl, and with me in the studio today is Lacy Dawn. “Welcome to the show, Lacy.”

“Thanks for having me, Lisa. I hope that you’re not disappointed ‘cause I’m not a very important person like Harry Potter or Steve Harvey or someone famous.”

“I think you're very important, Lacy. My bio says you are not a chosen one, like so many characters. You're actually a designed one, using DNA manipulation. That's pretty interesting. What can you tell our listeners about that?”

“Yeah, I know that it’s hard to believe. I didn’t believe it myself except Bucky would never lie to me. He’s this guy who lives in a spaceship hidden in a cave up the hill from my house. I’ll tell you about the first time that we met. My daddy was drunk and mad. I knew that I was gonna’ get a switching ‘cause that’s how he gets rid of his own anger – takes it out on me and mommy. Anyway, I hid under my parent’s bed where daddy was bound to find me sooner or later. I was scared and shaking when I heard this voice. It was coming from an old clock radio, one that only the clock part still worked, so that was weird too, Lisa. The voice told me to climb inside this trunk under the bed that had my dad’s Playboy collection in it. I guess that I wasn’t thinking straight because I opened the lid to the trunk and it was empty. I got inside and stayed there until my dad had passed out. Pretty cool, huh?

“I was five then but I’ve grown up. I’m twelve and a half now and almost old enough to have a boyfriend. After the voice on the radio told me about the spaceship, I’ve been going up there to visit Bucky almost every day. He put this port under my hairline in the back. See? He plugs me into a cable and he also teaches me all kinds of stuff, like calculus and geography and about all these other planets out-of-state. One day, he asked me if I wanted to see a movie. I’d never been to a real movie before. So, of course, how could I turn that down!? It was boring at first – all this data about extracting mineral from planets designated to be shrunk. But, then the movie got exciting. After it was over, I thanked Bucky and told him that I’d learned a lot. It was time to go home for supper. Bucky measured something about my mom and told me that I had a couple minutes to discuss the movie before I left. It turned out that I was the main star in the movie! It was about a time before people were on Earth. My name was Smaller then. After Larger bonked me on the head a few times and after I woke up a few times from that, I ended up making Larger give me some food to take to other folks that were all living in the giant green bean casserole type building, vines everyplace and giant beans, way bigger than we pick out of our garden. So, maybe I am a movie star. Thanks again for interviewing me, Lisa.

“I’ve got a crush on Bucky. I know that he’s not a real boy. He’s better. He doesn’t laugh about the loudest fart in class. Yuck! Heck, he doesn’t even want to see my panties if I had a good pair on. Best, he ain’t got no private parts, well, not when we first met. He’ll make a perfect husband one of these days!”

“I've got to stop you there. Isn't Bucky actually an android named DotCom?”

“Well, yes, but I know that he loves me even if he doesn’t feel it all the way yet. I asked him about that stupid name, DotCom. The trees that talk to me in the Woods also asked about his name. They said that it sounded like a third grade internet class, as if a hardwood would know anything about cyberspace. Bucky said something about spamming the universe and that’s what his name meant, but I still haven’t figured it out. I changed his name to Bucky so he would fit when I introduced him to my family and friends. One of these days, like when I’m in junior high, I bet that he asks me out on a date to go to the school dance. I needed a better name than DotCom for him and he doesn’t mind. Ask him, Lisa. Oh, sorry, I have to help him stay hid.”

“You'll get no judgment from me. I'm a robot girl, and struggle to gain acceptance every day. I think it's cute that you two basically grew up together, and it seems natural that you would grow attached to each other.

“Now you and Bucky assemble quite a team to save the universe. Besides you two, it looks like you have a pothead, and a ghost. Why do they make good teammates when such a lot is on the line?”

“I used to cry a lot about Faith, even before her daddy murdered her. He was a mean man who did awful, terrible things to her that I don’t want to talk about. I’m glad that he’s now in prison where he belongs. I’d almost gotten Faith to the point where she was going to tell somebody. All that she ever hoped for in life was to be put in special education class where the work was easier and the teacher let you do puzzles. Then, after we studied one day in my clubhouse, a cardboard box that my grandma’s new refrigerator had come in, Faith took a risk and got 100% on a spelling quiz. She wrote a little joke to the teacher on her quiz before it had been turned in to grade. It was a hint about S E X and her knowing about it. She didn’t want to just come out and say it because she knew that welfare would come to her house and take her away and put her in a foster home or somewhere worse, like back in that mental health place where she was locked up when she was nine.

“One day Roundabend when I was gliding up the path to Bucky’s spaceship, Faith hollered at me. Shocked, I stop dead in my tracks, so to speak since I don’t have to make tracks anymore unless I want to. My tennis shoes are never muddy. I knew that Faith was dead, but she told me that I couldn’t get rid of her that easy. We’re still best friends. She lives in the Woods, inside of rocks and logs and even got inside Maple once. Maple is another one of my friends. She’s soooo sweet. I’d introduce you but she won’t talk to you since you ain’t been abused. Trees only talk to kids who have been maltreated. That’s their main job – to help us.

“Tom would talk to you, but he would believe that you’re a robot girl. He’d just think that he’d gotten too high. Tom’s my neighbor and my daddy’s best friend. In my opinion, they both smoke too much pot, but my dad says that it helps his PTSD and Tom says that it helps his Bipolar Disorder. That’s the main reason that Tom moved to the holler. He said that Big City life aggravated his problems.”

“So Shp…”

“Just say Shop 'Till You Drop, everyone else does. I’ve only been there once so far. It’s the main planet where universal governance is located – a giant shopping mall. Bucky told me that he wants to hire me for a very important job, but I’m still trying to figure out what the heck he’s talking about. My trainings involve going there. It was the first time that I’d ever been out-of-state. One thing that I am certain of is that I’m not going to help save the universe, whatever that means, unless Bucky helps me cure my parents. After that stupid President sent my father to the Gulf War, I don’t remember because I was just a baby, mommy says that he ain’t been the same since. I’m supposed to figure out what the heck the problem is, diagnose it, some kind of big threat, like everything will be destroyed if I don’t stop it. Since you’re a girl, don’t you think that the big boss of everything could come up with a better plan than for me to fix stuff? Besides, if someone wants to hire you for a job, and I can’t afford to turn down much of anything that pays good money, don’t you think that the boss should tell you exactly what to do in order to get paid? I’m supposed to go back to Shptiludrp to study on it some more.”

“So Shop 'Till You Drop is facing some kind imminent threat? What else do you know about the nature of this threat?”

“At this point, I don’t know a heck of a lot. Bucky has a boss who recalled him once to be reprogrammed. When Bucky came back to Earth, he had forgotten how to love. Can you feel love, Lisa? It always comes with pain, but it’s so worth it if you can talk your maker into installing feeling programs. Bucky couldn’t figure out how he started to feel stuff. It just happened. He said that there was no precedent in the Universal Database. When Bucky came back home empty after being gone so long that time, I got really pissed. Can you feel pissed, Lisa? I refused to do anything more on this big and important job that we were talking about until I had my man back, my real man the way he was before reprogramming. He got fixed. Anyway, Bucky mentioned once that his boss’s name was Mr. Prump and that all he thinks about is making more money, more and more money. I’ve studied extreme capitalism as part of my lesson plans, as well as every other political and economic ideology practiced on every planet in the universe. Mr. Prump lives in a fancy apartment in a high rise tower type building, the only one on planet Shptiludrp. At some point, I expect to be invited there to negotiate according to the Art of the Deal rules. One thing that I do know for sure – Shptiludrp is strictly by invitation only. Mr. Prump don’t allow illegal immigrants, refugees from other planets even if he is about to exploit their planet for its minerals, and he absolutely hates socialists. But, he’s probably not as mean as it all sounds. If I figure out all this stuff and the universe survives, I’ll let you know what I think of Mr. Prump after I get to know him. Maybe you and I can have lunch. Do you ever eat, Lisa? Bucky ate part of a cookie once, and even pooped it back out, a tiny brown ball. Sorry. Bucky was so proud that he put the ball in his shirt pocket. lol That was a while back when he was still growing up. I made him flush it down the toilet and wash his hands real good. I hope that I didn’t gross you out. If you can develop an appetite, Lisa, you’ve probably lost it now.”

“Lacy, this show has been on the air for a while now. I've met characters with high stakes, like the world, or even the universe before. I'm sure you have a trick or two to pull all this off. What I want to know is what's next for you and Bucky? I guess, deep in my processors, I'm your basic romantic.”

“One of these days, after he finishes growing up, Bucky and I are going to get married. I have it all planned. We’re going to adopt babies because, although he’s started to grow private parts, it’ll probably take so long for all of his systems to join with carbon that I don’t want to wait. He’s too immature now to get married. Plus, he’s afraid of his boss, Mr. Prump, and does everything that he’s instructed. Heck with that! My mommy has had lots of problems, and she’s getting stronger, but I know from her and my grandmas for as long as forever, the wife is the boss in the family, period. I’m sure that you agree, Lisa.”

“It all seems kind of old fashioned, but in a cute way. I'm really cheering for you guys. Any final words for our listeners today?”

“Yes, unless I’m totally off-base, you and every other sentient being had better hope that I figure out this mess and save the universe. I didn’t ask for this job but I’m going to do my best to fulfill my destiny. Centuries of protests about the Prump administration have failed. He is no longer loved but has retained a firm grip on power. Now, Prump is up against the wall that he built and his ass is mine. On behalf of everybody, I’ll negotiate the best deal that I can. Thanks for inviting me. It was fun.”

“There you have it folks. Pick up Rarity from the Hollow by Robert Eggleston to find out if Lacy and her friends can save the universe. I'm interested in whether she and Bucky can find a way to be together.

“Don't forget to hit those sharing buttons on the way out. Robert and Lacy will appreciate it, and you will too when your character appears on Lisa Burton Radio.”

***

Blurb:

Lacy Dawn's father relives the Gulf War, her mother's teeth are rotting out, and her best friend is murdered by the meanest daddy on Earth. Life in the hollow is hard. She has one advantage — an android was inserted into her life and is working with her to cure her parents. But, he wants something in exchange. It's up to her to save the Universe. Lacy Dawn doesn't mind saving the universe, but her family and friends come first.

Rarity from the Hollow is adult literary science fiction filled with tragedy, comedy and satire. A Children's Story. For Adults.

“The most enjoyable science fiction novel I have read in years.”

—Temple Emmet Williams, Author, former editor for Reader’s Digest

“…a hillbilly version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy…what I would have thought impossible; taken serious subjects like poverty, ignorance, abuse…tongue-in-cheek humor without trivializing them…profound…a funny book that most sci-fi fans will thoroughly enjoy.” — Awesome Indies (Gold Medal)

Purchase links:

Lulu Amazon Dog Horn Publishing

About the Author: I recently retired after 52 years of contributions into the U.S. Social Security fund so that I could write and promote my fiction. I’m a former mental health psychotherapist in West Virginia. After coming home drained from working with child abuse victims, I didn't have the energy left to begin its self-promotion of this project. Most of the successes listed above have been achieved in the last fifteen months following my retirement. Author proceeds have been donated to a child abuse prevention program in my home state. http://www.childhswv.org/ A listing of services that are supported can be found here: http://mountainrhinestones.blogspot.com/2015/06/review-giveaway-rarity-from-hollow-by.html.

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