Category Archives: Lisa Burton Radio

Lisa Burton Radio

Help a robot girl out

Lisa Burton Radio exists to help authors promote their books to a new audience. This spot has worked well for over a year now, but we need guests to keep it going. Here is a little data about how it works, and some past posts to browse to see what you’re getting into.

Tell your friends, maybe one of them needs a place to post.

Drop me a line at coldhand (dot) boyack (at) gmail (dot) com. Let Lisa promote your books for you.

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Dear Lisa Vol. 3, on #LisaBurtonRadio

“Welcome to a special edition of Lisa Burton Radio. We run these out every once in a while, when I find myself without a guest. This time, it worked out to my advantage, but I never planned it that way.

“At the time of this broadcast, I’m working with Sean Harrington to make promotional posters for The Yak Guy Project. We already have some cool ones for The Enhanced League. I’m super excited to share these with you, but we have to wait for Craig to get some things accomplished.

“On episodes of Dear Lisa, I answer listener questions on the air, and today we have some doozies. Let’s get to the mail.”

Dear Lisa,

My dad ran over all my video games with his lawnmower! What a jerk. Just because I’m 30 years old and still live at home with no job, he thinks it’s okay to destroy my stuff. I have a good mind to– Well, anyway, I’m writing to you for advice. I plan to play video games professionally. That’s a job, right? How can make my parents understand?

Signed,

Frustrated in Farmington

“Wow, sorry to hear about that, Frustrated. It’s tough when your stuff gets ruined. You might want to assess why your father feels so strongly about your situation. After a bit of deep thought, you should probably have an adult conversation with him about it too.

“In an attempt to be ever helpful, I Googled the information for you. You know you can do this yourself, don’t you? It appears there are professional video game players. This is a world of competitions and prize money. Many of them supplement their income by filming practice sessions and selling access to view them. So I have to admit that it’s possible.

“Oh, and you might want to read The Yak Guy Project when Craig gets around to publishing it. It’s about a guy who’s a lot like you.

“The bigger picture is a man your age living at home, and not getting on with his life. Every person out there has a dream beyond their current reality. I’d like to be a super heroine, and I have the onboard equipment to pull it off too. It doesn’t appear to pay all that well though, and robot girls need things. See, a real job pays for things.

“For every wanna be fashion model there’s a barista. For every Major League Baseball player, there’s an Uber driver. Go for your dreams, but don’t forget to live a life while you’re at it. Craig would like to write full-time, but he keeps a paycheck job to cover the house payment and keep food on the table. Go get that first job and that first apartment. Then use your spare time to work on your gaming.

Let’s look at our next letter.

Dear Lisa,

My two sons drive me insane with their constant bickering. Between you and me, my eldest, Nathan, starts it. He thinks he’s the cat’s meow, and he never misses a chance to smear his good looks in poor Robbie’s face. He’s my baby. Such a wonderful boy, too, with straight A’s and on the honor roll every year. Nathan, on the other hand, has girls in and out of his room at all hours. He doesn’t think I know, but I do. I even slip condoms into his leather jacket. Lord knows if he ever uses them. At my tender age, I can’t be a grandmother! Ahem. Excuse me. My question is, how do I stop the rivalry between them? It’s not Robbie’s fault he wasn’t born with more brains than brawn.

Signed,

Desperate in Dakota

“Gee, Desperate, you don’t sound desperate. I get some frustrations and a lot of emotions toward both of your sons, but no desperation.

“They’re different people, and have to approach life differently. Find a way to encourage their talents and protect them from life’s pitfalls. The condom idea is good, but you can’t make him use them. Do what you can. Remember, Robbie may need them too. He might just be a little more discrete about things.

“I may be able to introduce Nathan to some romance authors. They might find a job for him.

“Oh, and as far as being a grandmother goes, if you were old enough to make a baby, and that baby is now capable of having sex, then yeah, you are. Buy some grandma pants, get a short perm, and get over it.

“Finally we have a letter from someone who wants to know how to get the most out of Lisa Burton Radio when their character is on the show. Okay, I made that part up, but it’s good data.

“First, be present. You’re going to get comments, and even some reblogs. You need to respond to those comments. You should probably visit the sites of those who shared the broadcast and thank them on their own page. It could turn out to be a good contact for you, you might find an incredible new blog to follow, plus you can help raise that blogger’s stats a bit.

“Second, share the post. Reblog it on your own site. Put it out on every social media you have, and not just on the day it posts. I see some tweeting out their interview a year after it was live. Make people like your characters, and they may want to read more, but only if they know about it. Feel free to use the #LisaBurtonRadio hashtag. That benefits me, and it costs you nothing.

“Third, come back. The broadcast usually gets comments for three or four days. You don’t have to live here, but don’t make a potential fan feel like you dismissed them.

“That’s it for our mailbox, but I have a bit more. I need guest characters to keep the show running. We aren’t exclusive to any particular genre, and have covered a broad swath around here. We even branched out into kidlit in the past month.

“Send me your jilted lovers, your dark lords, your heroes and heroines. Minions, I’ve never had a minion on the show, and that would be cool. It’s easy to do, and you might reach a bunch of new readers. Simply drop an email to coldhand (dot) boyack (at) gmail (dot) com, and let me know what you have in mind.

“I’ll be back after I finish modeling, and a few vacation days. I have access to email, and will help you out even if I’m not at the writing cabin.

“Remember, not only do I need guests, I’ll need letters for the Dear Lisa episodes too. If you don’t have a character, or if you’re not quite ready to promote, you can always send me a letter to answer on the air. It’s the same email address, and I’ll save it for Dear Lisa Volume Four.

“Thanks for tuning in. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

 

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White Bear, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Welcome to another edition of Lisa Burton Radio, I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and my guest today has a very important job. In America we would say he’s a stuffed animal, in other places they would refer to him as a plush toy. “Welcome to the show, White Bear.”

“Hi, Lisa. It’s a pleasure to be here. Thanks so much for choosing me to be your first stuffed animal interview!”

“Pleasure to have you. You’re best friends with someone named Angel. How did you two come to meet?”

“As far as I know, before meeting Angel, I always lived in a doctor’s office at Shriner’s Hospital in Tampa, Florida. I spent most of my time at the computer doing research or hanging out on a bookshelf. Lots of kids came in and out of that office, but they never paid any attention to me. One day, a little girl named Angel came to meet my doctor. She needed a special procedure to release the chord in her spine so that she would be able to walk. Angel was so little and only said a few words, but as soon as I saw her, I had the feeling she was going to change my life. While the doctor was talking with her mom, Angel looked right at me and winked! I winked right back and she started giggling. The doctor must have realized that we were meant to be together because that very day I left the hospital to live with Angel in my forever home.”

“Sounds to me like you guys really hit it off.”

“We sure did, Lisa, from the very beginning. I started hanging out with her during dialysis and was even allowed to stay with her during procedures, tests and surgeries. Actually, we did practically everything together. Oh, there was this one time we were supposed to be cleaning her room and we started having a pillow fight. That’s when I fell of the bed and landed on the corner of the dresser. I ended up with a cut on my arm and lost quite a bit of stuffing. Angel’s mom had to re-stuff my arm and sew me back up. Angel stayed with me the whole time. I still have a bandage sewn on my arm and it reminds me every day to be a bit more careful. But you know, no one can control every situation they end up in.”

“So you and Angel must spend quite a bit of time in the hospital.”

“That is true. Since I have known her she has had two more back surgeries, one reconstructive surgery and so many procedures that it is hard to remember. Once she was activated on the kidney transplant list we knew that life was going to change. We made lots of plans like going swimming, eating chocolate, and going to Disney World. You can’t imagine the lists we made. Then when we least expected, they got the call. A kidney was found for Angel. We hurried to the hospital to get Angel settled in and prepared for surgery. I was with her all the way to the operating room. That’s when the trouble started. When they transferred Angel to the OR, I was left on the bed in the hallway. By the time I realized what was happening, I was rolled up in the blankets and tossed down the laundry chute.”

“The laundry room must have been terrifying.”

“Actually, tumbling down the chute was kind of fun. Even landing in a big laundry bag wasn’t so bad. It was when I realized that I was being taken outside to a laundry truck, that I started getting nervous. No one knew where I was and I had to find a way to get back to Angel before she woke from surgery.”

“How did you get out?”

“Well, spinning around in a giant washing machine with soap bubbles splashing in my face made it hard for me to see what was happening. At one point, I was tossed towards the front of the machine, right against the glass window. As I was spinning upside down I saw a man with a big smile standing right in front of me…”

“White Bear, I really hope you can get back to Angel before she wakes up. I’m honored to have you on my show, and I want to challenge our listeners today to donate new plush toys to a local children’s hospital. They can work in children’s wards, on ambulances, and many other places.

“You can read more about White Bear in White Bear’s Big Adventure, by Marie Cheine, and I’ll add all the details to the website. Don’t forget to use those sharing buttons today, Marie and White Bear will appreciate it, and they’ll do it for you when your character appears on the next Lisa Burton Radio.

***

Blurb:
White Bear knows his way around hospitals. He lived in one for a long tine before going home with his best friend Angel.
But one day, White Bear got tangled up in a pile of hospital sheets and ended up where he never expected to be. Will he find his way back to the Pediatric ICU before his best friend wakes up?

Marie was born in the Bronx, New York, but was raised in Queens and on Long Island. When she was three her mother took her to the Queens Library at Bellerose for Library School. There she sat quietly with all the other young kids and listened to the librarian read stories aloud. That and the bedtime stories her parents to her every night until she was old enough to read herself, began her life-long love of storytelling and writing.

Fast forward Tampa, Florida where she has been the patient coordinator for the Tampa Bay Adult Congenital Heart Clinic for almost 25 years. During this time, she graduated from Thomas Edison College where she majored in English and later earned a Master’s Degree in Interdisciplinary Studies (Literature and Writing) from Western New Mexico University. In between, she got married, had a son, adopted numerous cats and two dogs and became a grandmother.

Meanwhile, her niece was born with a rare set of birth defects causing malformations in many body systems known as VATER or VACTERYL Association. This included a condition requiring a colostomy immediately after birth, one completely non-functioning kidney and one that soon required dialysis and eventual kidney transplant, a tethered spine and scoliosis requiring five surgeries and a heart condition called Wolfe Parkinson White.

Following a particularly long admission when her niece was hospitalized for almost an entire year, Marie formulated the idea of creating a series of books dedicated to children with serious and life-threatening illnesses. White Bear’s Big Adventure is the first in the series.

You can purchase White Bear’s Big Adventure at this link.

You can follow Marie at the following locations:

www.mariecheine.com

www.whitebearsworld.com

www.marushkasplace.com

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Adventures in La-La Land, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Coming at you with 1.21 jigawatts of power, it’s Lisa Burton Radio, the only show where I interview the characters from the books you love. My special guest today is Moe Fishbein. He lives in LA, and dabbles a little in skip tracing, vehicular repossession, and even the law on rare occasions. “Welcome to the show, Moe.”

“Good to meetcha, Lisa. But please…my friends just call me Fish.”

“Lawyers make bank, and I’ll bet Los Angeles is an interesting market. Why would someone walk away from that kind of career to go solo?”

“You ever heard of a law firm called Uptight, Rigid, Repressed and Lipshitz? Hey, if somebody – or some government agency – is hassling you and you’ve got the bucks, they’ve got the power, the muscle and the connections to make it go annoy somebody else. I was an associate there for almost five years, then I just couldn’t take another day of defending the rich and powerful for committing the indefensible. So, I told the management committee to take their partnership offer letter and use it as a suppository.

“Now I live at the beach, on top of a cliff that overlooks the little cove where they used to park Jim Garner’s trailer when they were shooting Rockford Files. Now, I just dabble. Practice a little law here…a little vehicle repoing and bounty hunting there. Backed up by my two best buds in the world…Einstein, who’s all but dissertation on his Ph.D. in physics. And Kenny, who became my first bail capture, legal client and employee – all on the same freakin’ day.

“What else do you want to know? Lived in L.A. my whole life. Pretty much grew up next door to the Brady Bunch. Did a little time at UCLA and Valley State. Kicked around restaurants as a sous chef for a few years, while I went to night law school. Quickly became the Uptight, Rigid, Repressed and Lipshitz associate voted most likely to royally piss off the Appellate Court. Go ahead, call me a wise-ass. WTF, everybody does. I’m kind of like John McLane from Die Hard…but without the firepower.

“Sure, we work hard. And we’re pretty damn good at getting the job done – without fracturing too many statutes along the way. But, this is L.A. we’re talking about. With a heavy side order of the entertainment industry. Where EVERYBODY packs a hyphen and valet parks on the whacko side of the street. So, we usually don’t have to go looking for trouble. It’s always got our GPS coordinates.”

“Repo and bounty work is kind of dangerous. Seems to me the courtroom is a safer place to earn a living.”

“That’s why I never go out on a job alone… Hey, Sinatra had his Rat Pack, right? Well, I’ve got Einstein and Kenny. And Beast, my head of security. We all keep an eye on each other’s 6. Kenny is fully fluent in ‘Dude’. He stumbled out of the 70’s a few brain cells lighter than when he face-planted in, and is sniper/scout material when it comes to paint ball guns. Einstein is close to his Ph.D. in theoretical physics, and he never met a neutrino he didn’t like. Especially, the ones that hang around the ignition system of your average deadbeat’s car. And Beast? He started out as a pampered little Beverly Hills lap pooch. Now he’s rockin’ a tiny little body full of dredds, day-glo patches of dyed fur, beads…and whole new attitude. He’s my little go-to guy.”

“Where did you boys go?”

“Where, on our little vacation? Hey, where does anybody who can spell the words Harley and Davidson want to spend their vacation?

“I’ll even give you a little hint: picture more than a million Harley owners. Partying HARD in a Black Hills town of only about 8,000. Hey, forget Tomorrowland. Sturgis, South Dakota HAS to be the freakin’ happiest place on Earth. And me, Kenny, Einstein and another bud, are all lickety-splitting our way down the highway to get there. Then we get picked up by a force of nature named Shawna Kretschman, a bad-ass blonde with her own full-race hog. Not to mention a short fuse, some serious fighting skills and an outfit that leaves zippo to the imagination. So, now we’re all headed for Sturgis to link up with more than a million of our best buds and budettes at the town’s annual Motor Cycle Rally.

“Too bad we never got the memo about the real estate developer who wanted all the bikers gone, so he could sell the area as a family-oriented resort town. And how he’d stop at nothing – including murder – to get it. All of a sudden, bikers and locals are dropping all over town. And me, my lady friend, my buds and my big mouth are all in the developer’s crosshairs.

“We’re all on a weird-ass collision course that includes phony cops and bar fights, pepper spray-laced paint balls, a no-holds-barred wrestling match in a ring full of chocolate pudding and getting adopted by the Sioux nation. Even a little manscaping.

“Y’know, like the old rock ‘n roll song says, “girls just wanna have fun”. Shawna says they also wanna have a lavender-tanked hog and bottomless saddlebags packing everything from high fashion to large caliber playthings; thigh-high leather boots to latex-covered toys.”

“Oh I like her. We sound like kindred spirits, only I carry all my stuff in my sidecar.

“You ride?”

“Oh yeah. It’s a modern build of an old Army motorcycle. That’s a sweet Panhead you rode in here.”

“Funny, Lisa. Mine’s a modern build of an old classic, too. Right down to the puddle of engine oil that’s always on my garage floor. And the hardtail frame that sends so much vibration and road shock my way, it’s paying for my proctologist’s vacation home on Maui…

“Yup, I definitely think you and Shawna would get along. Tell you what—let me give her a quick call, and we can all go out for a fictional drink when we’re done. Get to know each other, have a few laughs…maybe insult the Hell out of a wise guy or a city councilman, or something…”

“I’m curious, Fish. How’d the two of you get together?”

“Actually, we met about five years ago, over a not-quite so stolen RV in Twin Falls, Idaho. The owner was more than a year behind on the payments, so the bank sent us there to repo his rig. And Shawna ended up booking us into Twin Falls’ right friendly little jail…and treating us to a complimentary de-lousing and the jail’s Grand Theft Auto suite. When the boys in blue figured out that we had legitimately repoed the RV, they let us go. Then they found the body of the owner stuffed into a large freezer in the belly of the beast, and Shawna got to give us our official welcome and de-lousing again—this time for murder. When all THAT got sorted out, I ended up inviting her down to Malibu for a few days of surf, sun and whatever.

“She showed up on a surprise visit about a month ago, right as we were getting to hit the road for Sturgis, South Dakota, and the biggest biker party in the business. And, we’ve been ‘whatever-ing’ a ton ever since.”

“What do you think, Fish? Was it kismet that brought the two of you together? Fate? Karma?”

Hah! Nah. Probably just a writer with a vivid imagination and a warped sense of humor. But if you tell Shawna, I swear, I’ll deny every word.”

“Fish, you’re fun, and you certainly don’t leave for any dead airspace. Any last thoughts for our listeners today?”

“Hey, thanks for taking the time to hang with me today, Lisa. This has been a ton of fun. Gotta tell you, you’re good people – even for an android. Seriously, thanks.”

“If you want to learn more about Fish and his friends, pick up the Adventures in La-La Land series by Jeff Lee. I’ll post all the pertinents on the website.

“Don’t forget to tip your waitress by using those sharing buttons. I know Jeff and Fish would appreciate it, and they’ll do the same when your character appears on the next Lisa Burton Radio.”

***

Hurricane Kretchman is book number four in the Adventures in La-La Land series, featuring Fish and all his friends.

You can download it directly at this link.

If you’re like many of us and prefer to start at the beginning, you can find all the books at Jeff’s Amazon Author Page.

You can check out Jeff, and follow him, at the following locations:

Website

Facebook

Twitter

 

Jeff Lee Bio:

 

 

Born in New York and raised near San Francisco, I’ve been a copywriter and creative director for some of the country’s most creative ad agencies. Won a lot of silly awards for my creativity and wise-ass sense of humor.

And I’ve been writing in L.A. since before KC even HAD a Sunshine Band.

So, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that, given half a chance, this city can be a never-ending cavalcade of rib-tickling fun — and funny — things, people and approaches to this thrill ride we call life.

 

Like phony televangelists who produce biblical-themed porn for the faithful.

 

Bat-shit crazy showbiz moms.

 

Defrocked talent agents posing as Reality Show producers.

 

The Rose Parade.

 

And on.

 

And on.

 

It never freakin’ ends with this place.

 

There’s always something — or someone — to gape at and giggle over.

 

I tell ya, you’ve just GOT to love this town!

 

It’s the law.

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Silly Willie, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Welcome to this week’s edition of Lisa Burton Radio. The only show that interviews the characters from books you love. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and today, my special guest is Cautious Craig, who recently took a vacation to Cape Town, South Africa. “Welcome to the show, Craig. You look so smart in your suit and tie but what is that funny noise and what are you sitting on?”

“Hi Lisa, thank you for having me over for a visit. I chose this tie myself. Dad said I shouldn’t get the one with aeroplanes all over it but I really like aeroplanes, especially after our holiday to Cape Town. Mom made me bring Willy with me for the interview. Willy is only three years old and he is very naughty and spoils everything. I am sitting on him and have my hand over his mouth so that he can’t spoil this interview.”

“Maybe you should let him sit up. Our listeners won’t like that funny snuffling noise and Willy might suffocate.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that. Willy has asthma so I better let him up. Mom is waiting outside the door and I don’t want her to come in and shout at me.”

“BWAAAAAA! Craig sat on me. BWAAAAAA!”

“Please don’t cry Willy. It makes terrible feedback over my microphone. I’ll give you a sweet if you stop.”

“Okay fanks. I have my own biscuits. Can I eat one on your chair?”

“Sure. Okay guys, let’s get on with this interview, shall we? You said you went on a vacation to Cape Town, Craig? Tell me about it.”

“We went on a holiday to Cape Town and it was wonderful. Cape Town is in South Africa.”

“We went to another country.”

“No, Willy, Cape Town is in South Africa. We live in Johannesburg. It isn’t another country.”

“It is too. We went on an aeroplane. So it must be another country. BWAAAAAA! Craig kicked me!”

“Craig, please don’t kick your brother. Willy, have another biscuit. So, you went on an airplane. Was that fun?”

“Oh yes, it was great. Do you know they have funny toilets with no water on an aeroplane? There are also little tiny basins with taps that you press to make the water come. We went to the toilet five times and Willy made a big mess.”

“Did not. I was just washing my hands.”

“He did too. He used up all the soap and lots of it went on the floor and all over the basin. He also splashed water everywhere. Mom got so cross that she made Dad take us to the toilet the last time. We also had lunch on the aeroplane. It was disgusting.”

“Yucky! I didn’t eat mine. I put it in Mom’s handbag.”

“Um, yeah, how did your mother like that little surprise?”

“Mom was very cross. The sandwich was all squashy and butter went all over her keys, hairbrush and make-up. She is never going to let us have the aeroplane lunch again. Luckily, Mom had packed biltong and biscuits so we didn’t starve. Willy, spilled his juice all over the place. Willy is so silly. Mom made me give him some of mine. It is so unfair. I always have to share.”

“It’s good to share, Craig. Willy is just a baby.”

“BWAAAAAA!!!! Lisa called me a baby!”

“Um, I mean a big boy of three years old. Have another biscuit. Right, let’s move this interview along. Where did you stay in Cape Town, Craig?”

“We stayed in an apartment in Camps Bay. Dad loves it there. It is very windy. The wind almost knocked Willy and me off our feet. I didn’t like that. It whistles all around the windows and the trees in the garden are all bent over. Granddad says that when you go to Cape Town you have to put extra lead in the car’s tyres so it doesn’t blow away. I looked at the tyres but they looked the same as the ones on our Joburg car.”

“That sounds really nice. Did the apartment have a nice view?”

“Oh yes, the view was lovely. We could see the ocean stretching right out to the sky. Did you know there is a dark line where they meet? We saw lots of huge ships waiting to go into the harbour and also paragliders and surfers. It was very nice at the apartment even if the pictures were weird blue and silver blobs. Dad says we can never go there again.”

“Never! You just said it was a nice apartment. Why won’t you go there again?”

“Dad said Willy and I are hooligans. He said that we damaged stuff in the apartment. It is very unfair. I get blamed for everything. Willy pulled the curtains down by trying to climb up them like a monkey. I did burst the cushions in the bedroom, but jumping onto them from the top bunk bed was so much fun. Oh, and we also broke the string on the blinds and Willy sawed a hole in the balcony wall. That wasn’t my fault though. It was Mom’s.”

“Ummm, I can see why your Dad was a bit upset. Why was it your Mom’s fault that Willy sawed a hole in the balcony wall? Actually, how on earth did a three year old manage to do that?”

“It was Mom’s fault because she let Willy bring his tools. He has a whole collection of plastic tools.”

“I have a saw and a hammer.”

“It was the saw that caused the damage. While Mom was unpacking, Willy sat the whole time sawing at the same place in the wall with his plastic saw. I was really surprised when I saw he had made a hole and Mom was horrified.”

“Yeah, I can believe you two causing a little trouble. We’re running out of time and you haven’t told me anything about your vacation yet. What did you enjoy the most in Cape Town?”

“I like the beach. It was really awesome but the water at Camps Bay is really cold. It is the Atlantic Ocean. I learned that at school. I did get dumped by the sea and I nearly drowned but I liked everything else. The sea in Cape Town is very powerful. Mom also helped us to build a pirate island in the sand. It was very good and the other children on the beach all came to help. Mom also showed us how to make an aeroplane out of sand. It was so big we could sit in it and pretend to fly it.”

“I love aeroplanes. My ice cream fell in the sand and I cried.”

“You know, I can believe that. What did you like about Cape Town, Willy?”

“There was a fire on the mountain… and a helicopter came… it had a big bucket underneath it… it dumped sea water on the fire.”

“That was amazing! There were lots of firemen all trying to stop the fire from spreading. We were traveling in the car when we saw the fire. It was a big fire and it was jumping from tree to tree and all the small plants and grass were burning.”

“I want a fireman’s hat!”

“You always want everything, Willy. You are so spoilt!”

“BWAAAAA! Craig called me spoilt!”

“Okay boys, that about wraps it up. I’ll call in your Mom to take you both away. Thanks for listening folks. I’m just going to start wiping up these cookie crumbs and fingerprints.

“If you’d like to read more about Cautious Craig and Willie, check out the books by Robbie Cheadle. I’ll post all the details on the website. Don’t forget, the books have recipes in them too.

“Don’t forget to hit those sharing buttons on your way out. Robbie and Craig will both appreciate it, and they’d do it for you when your character appears on the next Lisa burton Radio.”

***

Blurb: When the George family go on holiday to Cape Town, Cautious Craig cannot believe what he has to endure at the hands of his naughty and wilful younger brother, Silly Willy.

 

Willy throws tantrums at the most embarrassing and inappropriate times, causes a commotion on the aeroplane and tries to steal a chameleon from Butterfly World. What is a poor older brother expected to do in these situations?

 

Silly Willy goes to Cape Town – available in early July 2017

 

***

 

Robbie Cheadle was born in London in the United Kingdom. Her father died when she was three months old and her mother immigrated to South Africa with her tiny baby girl. Robbie has lived in Johannesburg, George and Cape Town in South Africa and attended fourteen different schools. This gave her lots of opportunities to meet new people and learn lots of social skills as she was frequently “the new girl”.

Robbie is a qualified Chartered Accountant and specialises in corporate finance with a specific interest in listed entities and stock markets. Robbie has written a number of publications on listing equities and debt instruments in Africa and foreign direct investment into Africa.

Robbie is married to Terence Cheadle and they have two lovely boys, Gregory and Michael. Michael (aged 11) is the co-author of the Sir Chocolate series of books and attends school in Johannesburg. Gregory (aged 14) is an avid reader and assists Robbie and Michael with filming and editing their YouTube videos and editing their books.

Robbie is also the author of the new Silly Willy series the first of which, Silly Willy goes to Cape Town, will be available in early July 2017.

You can connect with Robbie at the following locations:

Blog

Goodreads

Google+

Facebook

Twitter

Purchase Robbie and Michael Cheadle’s Books from:

https://www.amazon.com/author/robbiecheadle

***

Sir Chocolate and the strawberry cream berries story and cookbook:

Sir Chocolate and Lady Sweet live in Chocolate land where you can eat absolutely everything. Join them on a fantastic adventure to find the amazing strawberry cream berry and learn how to make some of their scrumptious recipes at the same time.

Sir Chocolate and the baby cookie monster story and cookbook:

Sir Chocolate and Lady Sweet find a lost baby cookie monster. Join them on an adventure to return the baby to its mother and learn how to make some of their delicious recipes at the same time.

Sir Chocolate and the sugar dough bees story and cookbook:

A greedy snail damages the flower fields and the fondant bees are in danger of starving. Join Sir Chocolate on an adventure to find the fruit drop fairies who have magic healing powers and discover how to make some of his favourite foods on the way.

Purchase Link The first three Sir Chocolate Books are currently available at a discounted price in hard copy and as ebooks.

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Odd Job Girl, on Lisa Burton Radio

Welcome to another edition of Lisa Burton Radio. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl. What if you had to completely reboot your life? Maybe it’s not so bad in your twenties, it might even seem common. But what about someone in their fifties? In the studio with me today is Imogen Smythe, and she’s had to do exactly that. “Welcome to the show, Imogen.”

“Thank you very much for having me on the show today Lisa it is great to be here.”

“My bio says you were happily married, but apparently that happiness was one sided.”

“I did consider myself happily married Lisa, and thought that my husband Peter was too. Unfortunately I discovered that for the last two years he has been living a double life. We have three amazing children, two daughters and a son and during the last twenty-five years we have faced challenges but also had some good years. In fact we were planning a special trip to celebrate our twenty-fifth anniversary when Peter came home and broke the news that he was leaving me.”

“Imogen, our listeners will want to know why. Was it something illegal, substance abuse, or violence?”

“No that would not be Peter’s style as he is very conscious about appearances and how people perceive him, which is why being a philanderer is the last thing I expected from him. But, it would seem that looking bad in the eyes of his family and his business partners was the last thing on his mind when he fell for the charms of what I call a ‘fast-tracker’ called Stephanie. A young woman who feels that she would rather have a wealthy husband that someone else has loved and supported through the tough years, than go through it herself.”

Philanderer! God that’s such a good word. And I apologize if there is some residual love there, but what an asshole. Did you take him for everything he’s worth?”

“To be honest Lisa I was in total shock when he calmly announced that he was leaving. It took me several days to just process it and break it to our children. Who, I am ashamed to say had their suspicions for some time; whilst I missed the signs completely. After the shock wore off, I asked him why after managing to keep it a secret for two years, he had decided to leave now. It turns out that she had wanted him to leave me for some time but he said no. Suddenly she was pregnant and he said he wanted to do the right thing!

“Considering his lack of interest in our children when they were born and his insistence that we only have the three, made this even more surprising. As if this was not hurtful enough, he managed to twist the cause of his affair around to making it my fault. Apparently, I had not shown him enough attention after the children were born and I had become frumpy and boring to come home to each night. Hurtful though that was, one look in the mirror and I had to admit he was right. I had become very frumpy looking.

“I didn’t have the heart to fight the terms of our divorce. Peter being a banker had taken care of all our finances over the years and he wanted to keep the house, or rather his new wife wanted to keep the house. He bought me the small home I live in backing onto Epping Forest and I managed to salvage furniture and items that reminded me of happier times. Stephanie his new wife wanted to completely redecorate and outfit the house with new furnishings throughout. With the children grown and at university he also settled a monthly sum for me to cover expenses. I think my children did intercede on my behalf, otherwise I am not sure what I would have been left with.

“It took me several months to adjust and I afraid that I took solace in ice-cream and white wine and barely left the house. Instead of taking care of myself however, I did transform my new house which gradually brought me back to life. But I was now bored and restless. I had always been busy with volunteering, taking care of our children and home plus Peter’s entertainment commitments. I discovered that I missed my old life more than I missed the trappings that went with it. I knew that I had to get a grip and look for something to get me out of the house and back into the world.

“Getting a job at 50 is not easy for anyone and I knew that I had to get myself into better shape before attending interviews. I was living on the edge of the forest with fantastic walks so began a daily exercise routine. I then went into London and had a complete hair makeover which cost a fortune but made me feel a million dollars, and of course there was the little matter of retail therapy that resulted in a new wardrobe. At the end of six weeks I was a stone lighter and ready for the next step of finding a job.”

“Makeovers are awesome, aren’t they? I do a ton of them on myself, but I also get them when I make Craig’s promotional posters. Oh, and you look great, by the way.”

“Thank you that is always good to hear especially from someone as glamorous as you, Lisa. And yes, it boosted my self-esteem and I did begin to get some compliments which at first I felt very uncomfortable with. And something else that I now see was a sign things were not right with Peter. I realized it had been a long time since he had noticed what I was wearing or complimented me on a new hairstyle.

“As good as I now felt physically, I still worried that I had little to offer a new employer. It had been so long since my last job before we were married, and I didn’t think that my little bit of voluntary work would count. However, I thought if I at least wrote down all the jobs I had before, then with some description of my duties, it might give a prospective employer an idea of what I could be capable of. I actually found myself reliving the events and experiences and slowly as I did so I began to gain a little more confidence.”

“So with a shiny new résumé, you’re about to go searching for work. It’s kind of scary and exciting at the same time. Tell me-

“Wait, we have a caller. Hello, you’re on the air with Lisa and Imogen. Do you have a question for Imogen?”

“Yes, and thank you. I am actually a long time listener Lisa and you can imagine my surprise when I tuned in today to hear that your guest is my former wife. This is Peter Smythe and at first I was not going to call in because I find this rather embarrassing. I haven’t seen my wife for several months and hearing her talking about us so candidly has hit me quite hard. I am hoping Lisa that you might let me put my side to the story.”

“I am not sure about that Peter; from all accounts you put your side of the story when you left Imogen. Is there anything you disagree with from what Imogen has told us of the break-up?”

“Well no I can’t, and I wish that I could. I know that it appears that I behaved very badly but I would like to say something to Imogen about how I feel today about it.”

“To be honest Peter this is typical of you. I don’t hear from you for months and you insert yourself into my interview with Lisa. No doubt to try and convince those listening that I was in the wrong and you were the injured party.”

“No I promise Imogen that I just want to put the record straight. You lost all interest in me when the children came along and I was working long hours. How did you expect me to be there as a full-time father. That is why I didn’t want you to work as they needed you at home. And we had enough money for you to take care of yourself and there was no need to let yourself go as you did. I am sorry, but when Stephanie came along it was as if I was in my 20s again and having fun like we did before the children came along. But, I have some news. Things have not been going well in the last few months since the baby arrived and Stephanie and I have split up. I am living in a flat in town and I realize that I made a huge mistake in leaving you. Our children don’t want to speak to me either and I want to try and see if we can make another go of it as a family. Don’t you think we could make another go of it? What do you think Lisa?”

“Sorry, slick, not having it. Seems to me you made a promise, a special kind of promise called a vow, twenty-five years ago. You broke your word, and now you want poor Imogen to believe your word is good. Why should she?”

“I was a good provider for twenty-five years, Imogen didn’t have to do anything but bring up the children and run our home. If she had been more attentive then perhaps I would not have had to find another relationship outside. It takes two to keep a marriage happy and I did my part.”

“You know what Peter, I think that you have just summed up the reasons we split up very well and also why we could never get back together again. I am sorry that your relationship with Stephanie has broken down and I am sure that she will make sure that she keeps the house and is well provided for. But I hope you spend more time with this baby than you did ours. My advice is to try and patch things up and make it work for the sake of your child as I am most certainly not interested in patching things up. It has gone too far for that now.”

“Well then there is nothing more to be said is there. I thought that I would give you another chance but it seems you don’t appreciate what I am offering you. And I won’t be listening to this show again either.”

“I am really sorry that you and your listeners had to hear that, Lisa. When I came on this show it was to encourage men and women to find a way through a sudden change in their lives. I had no idea that it would become so personal.”

“Please don’t apologize. Our listeners will be happy to see you confident and on your game. I sincerely hope you can find a job first, and then build whatever kind of happiness you can. As they say, you do you. If that’s crazy cat lady, or a nice garden somewhere, so be it.”

“Actually, there is someone special. We met through the employment agency that is working with me to find a job.”

“Oooo, I like it. So do you think this could wind up going somewhere?”

“We shall see. It is early days yet but he is a really nice man who seems to think that I am fun to be with. I shall be taking things very slowly.”

“Well, I for one, wish you all the best. Any closing comments for our listeners today?”

“Thanks for having me, and I had no idea that it would turn into such a dramatic interview. But it has confirmed to me that I am now on the right path. I hope any man or woman listening, who feels alone and at a crossroads, can now see that there is a way forward to a new life.”

“You can read more about Imogen in the book, Odd Job Girl, by Sally Cronin. I’ll post all the deets on the website.

“You can help Imogen and Sally out by using the sharing buttons on your way out. I’m sure they will do it for you when your character appears on a future episode.

“Speaking of future episodes, I’m always looking for guests. If one of your characters would like to appear on Lisa Burton Radio, have your people contact my people at the following: Coldhand (dot) Boyack (at) gmail (dot) com.”

***

Imogen was fifty!

Life is unpredictable and will often throw you a curve ball that knocks you out of the park.

For Imogen this curve ball knocked her out of a twenty five year marriage and a lovingly renovated home into a single life at age 50. She had been a very contented wife and mother of two children, who for every one of those 25 years had thought her husband had been equally as happy. It was a shock to find out that she had been delusional and replaced so easily.

Her confidence was non-existent. She had forgotten any skills she possessed and was totally unprepared to enter the modern job market. Or so she thought.

When we find ourselves in a new place and time in our lives, it is not unusual to meet others who have experienced similar traumas and also those who understand how to help you pick up the pieces.

Surprising though these events had been, nothing prepared Imogen for the realisation that she still had what it took, both in the work environment and when it came to her heart.

It was a journey into the past to rediscover who she had always been and a step forward into the future and a new adventure in life.

Purchase Links: Amazon Kindle, Print & Ebook

After working in a number of industries for over 25 years, I decided that I wanted to pursue a completely different career, one that I had always been fascinated with. I began studying Nutrition and the human body twenty years ago and I opened my first diet advisory centre in Ireland in 1998. Over the last 18 years I have practiced in Ireland and the UK as well as written columns, articles and radio programmes on health and nutrition. I published my first book with a Canadian self-publisher in the late 90s and since then have republished that book and released nine others as part of our own self-publishing company. Apart from health I also enjoy writing fiction in the form of novels and short stories.

For the last four years I have been enjoying life as a blogger and post on a variety of subjects including Book and author promotions, health, short stories, poetry and humour. As a writer I love getting instant gratification and blogging is like chocolate… it does just that.

Sally would love to have you contact her at the following places:

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Dracula’s Mistress, on Lisa Burton Radio

Don’t – touch that dial. You’ve landed on Lisa Burton Radio, the only show out there that interviews characters from the books you love. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and even I’ve stocked up on garlic bulbs for this interview. “Welcome to the show, Vlad Dracul, The Impaler, Dracula himself.”

“Please call me Angela, and I’m sorry… I hope you and your listeners won’t be too disappointed. I know people were anxious to hear Vlad’s opinions and beliefs on many topics. It’s just…The prince couldn’t make it to your show. It’s only me. According to my mother’s spiteful words, Dracula’s Mistress. Carmen sent me to save your radio show, that’s if you want to talk to me, of course.”

“This is one of those, sorry – not sorry, moments. So what’s your story, Angela? The show must go on.”

“Well, it all started at a palace festivity. Mother couldn’t accompany father, so I pestered him until he took me. I was dying to see in flesh and blood the most feared man in the country. Many say it sounds corny, yet, it was love at first sight. The moment I saw him I knew it. I felt it in my heart and soul that all the gossip was just malicious slander and fabrications from his enemies. a powerful yet lonely man before me. A sad man, carrying on his shoulders all the worries for his countrymen.”

“Well, with my bio, I intended to ask him about the death of his wife.”

“After that tragedy, shortly after returning from his victory over the Ottomans, my father, Vlad’s most trusted advisor, invited Vlad to our manor and… you know… through my mother asked Nana to chaperone me. We found ways to be alone. I… we… lived two blissful weeks before duty called him back to the palace. He promised to return and ask my parents for my hand. It was… the last time I saw him. Imagine the shock my parents had upon learning I was with child several months later.”

“Well, they’re worried about you. I’m sure not many parents want their daughter in a relationship with a vampire.”

“No, no, you’re wrong. They, I mean, my mother is wrong. Vlad’s not a vampire. I know he behaves cruelly sometimes, but it’s the only way to keep the country free from the invaders and from the greediness of the landlords. And if you’re referring to those bodies that keep turning up, drained of blood and with the little finger missing… It can’t be Vlad’s doing, no matter what others say. He’s as much a normal human being as me or you… Sorry, I forgot you are a robot.”

“And you say he’s missing somehow? People really ought to keep a better eye on him.”

“All I managed to find out was that he was summoned at Corvinu’s court to get the money the Pope wanted Vlad to use in gathering a large army against the Ottomans. And he hasn’t returned. The landlords spread the slander that he stole the money and is now somewhere in Europe, spending it. Lies, trust me. Just lies.

Such accusations are preposterous. Vlad is an honest man. He hates thieves and lying. Do you know what he did once? He tested whether his technique for dissuading theft or dishonesty worked. He had a valuable gold bowl placed in the public market on the rim of a well. The rule was that anybody could drink out of it, but it could not leave the square under any circumstances. The bowl stayed put! Such a man can’t be a thief.”

“So where do you think Vlad is?”

“There are rumors that he’s a prisoner in Corvinu’s court.

“It gets more and more difficult for me. …. after my father’s untimely death my mother simply threw me out. I had to go to some of my father’s relatives in another town. It’s there that I had my little cherub, Ileana. A child who, I’m afraid, will know only one parent. ( She chokes on tears). My mother’s hatred, her venomous allusions and her spiteful behavior toward my and Vlad’s child…. My mother always spoke derisively about Vlad, calling him a vampire and other bad names. My father was his trusted courtier and am sure he’d have been delighted to hear Vlad wanted to marry me. If only dear papa had waited to listen to my explanation. His suicide changed things completely. For me, for Vlad and for the baby…

“Isn’t life strange? You know, my distant relatives were friendlier and kinder to me than my own mum. They protected me and allowed me to have a maid and were delighted by the birth of my little girl. Let me tell you something your listeners might find amazing. My maid, Catinca, is the very person who took care of Varvara while they were both in the Sultan’s harem. Who’s Varvara? Oh, it’s a long story… Well, you’ll have to read the book and find out more about her and her fate. Coming back to my story, a year after my forced journey to my father’s cousins, I returned home. Together with Ileana and Catinca. You should have seen Mother and heard her. She cursed me and my child and all the coming generations, to the 20th branch.

Catinca warned me that mother and the innkeeper’s wife, Maritza, are up to something against me. She has this ability to foresee the future, you know.”

“So do they know who you are, and who the baby’s father is?”

“They knew it. And I found comfort in the idea that they were not supporters of Vlad’s brother, Radu, who grabbed power the second Vlad left, and gave the landlords back the privileges Vlad cut. Vlad valued ordinary people, as long as they were honest and diligent and loved Walachia. Radu and his supporters can’t stand the idea to rub elbows with common people. Their only concern is for their purse. They want more money, more lands.”

“So Dracula actually wants to do the right thing for his countrymen. That kind of surprises me.”

“I don’t blame you but never judge a man by what some say. The man’s deeds speak for his character. Vlad is an honest man, a trustworthy person who had the misfortune to be born in an age when his country is a tasty morsel for the surrounding neighbors.

He may not be exceptionally cruel, but rather doing what he has to do to fight a military force much greater than his own, the Ottomans, at the same time keeping at bay the scheming, treacherous landlords.

Vlad earned his “Impaler” nickname by killing thousands of Turks and wrongdoers by the grisly method that he learned as a political hostage of the Ottoman Empire in Egrigoz, his fate hinged on the actions of his father.”

“When you put it like that, I kind of feel bad for him. I feel some real sympathy for your plight, but never thought I could feel bad for him. I sincerely hope you can find him and bring him home.”

“There are moments when I think I was wrong about his love for me, and that I imagined my feeling was reciprocated. His prolonged silence…. Then I chastise myself for such bad thoughts. Something bad must have happened to him.

I wonder what surprises I may have. From my mother, from Radu’s supporters and Vlad’s enemies, from the future. I try not to think what the following day may bring. To keep my mind busy I started teaching the servant’s children to read and write. Another thing that maddens my mother.

I thank you, Lisa, for allowing me to address your listeners. Hopefully someone hears something about Vlad and his whereabouts and can contact you with this piece of information. I’d be most grateful. Thank you again for your patience and I thank your listeners for their time, too!”

If you want to learn more about Angela and Vlad, pick up the book Dracula’s Mistress by Carmen Stefanescue. Carmen lives in Romania, so you can bet the research is top notch here. I’ll get all the details from Angela and include them on the website.

“I’m always looking for guests on Lisa Burton Radio, particularly ones who show up. If you have a character who would like to appear, drop me a line.

“Please help support today’s guest by using those sharing buttons. You never know what could help Angela find her lost love, and maybe someone on Pinterest or Twitter can help. Think of it this way, if Angela has Dracula, he’s not outside your house at night. I’ve also been using the hashtag #LisaBurtonRadio. It helps me gain listeners, and please feel free to modify the title if you use the Tweet button.”

***

Dracula’s Mistress

Publisher – City Lights Press

Genre – Paranormal historical/light romance

( just 0.99 $)

Blurb

From the day that the powerful, brave and merciless Vlad III Basarab, a descendant of the Draculesti family—better known to most people as the infamous vampire Dracula—ascends the throne, he knows only battles, betrayal and intrigue.

Evil grips the town of Targoviste, capital residence of Walachia. The secrets behind the stone walls of the palace are as dark and violent as a winter’s night, as terrifying as the prince’s deeds. Dead bodies, drained of blood and missing their little finger keep appearing in the streets at night.

Lovely, smart, determined, Angela Oltenescu ignores all the aggressive rumors and her mother’s warning regarding Vlad. Will she suffer the consequences of falling in love with a man nicknamed Dracula by his enemies—an infamous creature of the night?

Rich, sly, treacherous, Marin Craioveanu, a powerful landlord, craves the same woman loved by Vlad. Marin’s hatred toward the prince will make him an ally to Handsome Radu, Vlad’s brother and Sultan’s friend, ready to sell the country to the Ottomans to get rid of his rival.

Dracula’s Mistress will awe legions of fans of Gothic literature, paranormal and historical fiction.

Carmen Stefanescu resides in Romania, the native country of the infamous vampire Count Dracula where, for about 50 years of communist dictatorship, just speaking about God, faith, reincarnation or paranormal phenomena could have led someone to great trouble – the psychiatric hospital if not to prison.

High-school teacher of English and German in her native country, and mother of two daughters, Carmen Stefanescu survived the grim years of communist oppression by escaping in a parallel world, that of the books. Reading was, is and will always be her greatest hobby.

She likes to blend genres and thus she writes paranormal stories with a smidgen of mystery, history and romance. The reader will find suspense, dark themes, adventure, danger as well as sweet revenge. She calls her stories “gothic” romance. Her writing focuses on rebirth, past life regression, karmic retribution.

Carmen joined the volunteer staff at Marketing For Romance Writers Author blog and is the coordinator of #Thursday13 posts.

Carmen Stefanescu’s Links:

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Cold Coffee Cafe

Trailer Dracula’s Mistress

Purchase Link Only 99¢

Other books by Carmen:

Till Life Do Us Part

Paranormal, romantic suspense, mystery

Dracula’s Prodigy, book 2 in Dracula’s Mistress

Paranormal/light history/light horror/light romance

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