Tag Archives: The Hallmark Channel

And now for something completely different

Yeah, I’m still at home and in pain. My keyboard and mind still function. Well… my mind functions at its normal level, never said it was great.

I’m about ready to fill a hot water bottle with a big Tom & Jerry. It can medicate in multiple ways.

If I were in charge, and I should be, I would add one thing to the end of Game of Thrones. I was exchanging comments with Charles Yallowitz early this morning and this came to me.

After the last episode aired, I would require all the dead characters to return in full costume. I’d make them all into a chorus, and I’d even hire Eric Idle to direct them. Then they’d all sing this song:

Of course, we’d have to change one line somewhere to accommodate Hodor. Maybe Eric Idle can help here.

I swear to God, it would be an internet sensation. Think of the video you could make. A little girl burning at the stake singing along, one several being eaten by dogs, seas full of drowning sailors. It would be awesome. Just think of old man Lanister sitting on the toilet, full of arrows and whistling.

It could work for The Walking Dead too, but not quite as well in my mind.

I had an email exchange this morning with one of my favorite authors. We’re putting together an upcoming Lisa Burton interview, and there is no word to describe a sigh. Think about the “radio” format. If someone sighed you would hear it. I don’t want to break the format to tell listeners a guest character sighed, so what would it sound like?

Think about it. We have “words” for: tch, hmmm, ahhh, oooh, mmhmm, even hmph. We need a word for a sigh.

She suggested perhaps there is an Onomatopoeia Control Board we can petition. Authors need a word for a sigh.

My wife has been watching The Hallmark Channel. I’m a captive audience, I can’t exactly run screaming from the room currently. I have to prop myself against the back wall just to go pee right now.

Everyone of these stories is the same damned story. Life-changing boyfriend with a mansion and a helicopter gets dumped in favor of a small town bumpkin with a broke-assed dairy, because love. I know dairy farmers, and there isn’t a lot to look forward to. Oh, and the actors are all exceptionally pretty, even the men. Aside from the actresses, their characters are always adorable. This time of year there is the added requirement of Christmas being involved. Bumpkin shows her the true meaning of Christmas, that kind of thing.

What kills me here is people eat this crap up. I should rip off about a hundred or so of these and retire. They teach us not to have Mary Sue characters, but there they are in abundance. I’d probably blow it by creating unique characters that don’t fill the recipe out right. Grouchy old bastard with emphysema reconciles with ex-wife who once shot him through the liver. Expect scenes of making a noose out of red & green ribbon and suggestions of where to stick those baubles.

Okay, enough of my nonsense. Pass me the hot water bottle and always look on the bright side of life.

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Rambling and babbling today

My wife insisted on the Hallmark Channel all day today. Remember what I said about my wonderful writing weekend? Yeah, I sure wish that storm hadn't changed her plans. By the way, is there a rule that every elderly person in a Hallmark movie must smile like an idiot at all times? These movies could use a serious dose of Billy Bob Thornton or Anne Ramsey.

I have another story idea that I'm tempted to write as a vignette. I want to start a storyboard instead. I have a thought about trying to release a novella or two, and it might make a fun one.

This idea was inspired by an image I saw on Facebook. It posted in two different timelines a week or so ago. Do you think I can find it again? I searched FB, DeviantArt, Bing images, and Google images using every description I can think of. If you're inspired by images, save them the very second you see them. If you don't, you'll find yourselves in my position.

While I'm serving time in Hallmark jail, I haven't been able to accomplish much. I tried to relocate to another room, but there aren't any comfortable places to sit. I want to finish reading a book too, and it's all about the same problem. I suppose I can deal with the critiques I received last week. Maybe I should pay the bills too.

I managed to assemble and schedule the next Lisa Burton Radio, and it's a fun one. I also managed to write one guest post out of four I committed to. I only need three more in a week, so not impossible.

I need to stop blogging about my failures and post something about some successes. I just need to create a success or two.

Okay, I'll deal with critiques and bills so they aren't distractions when my time finally comes. I'm off on Monday, and the only distraction will be Otto.

He's no small obstacle. I took two fifteen minute breaks to play pumpkin ball while typing out this post. He throws it right on my keyboard if I don't pay attention. So this post is +/- 400 words. It took about 30 minutes of pumpkin ball playing to finish. If I write 1000 words (which is nothing) on Monday, I anticipate the pumpkin ball will eat up 75 minutes.

Maybe Otto doesn't need a reindeer outfit, maybe he needs a straight jacket.

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