Murder by Munchausen, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Welcome all you hackers and programmers, and all the artificial intelligence listening in today. This is Lisa Burton Radio, and I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl. I’m pretty excited about this interview, because my special guest today is a police consultant working in the Counter IT section of the Artificial Crimes Unit. “Welcome to the show, someone who only goes by the name of Q.”

“First off, I just have to say, this really isn’t my kind of gig—I mean, it’s good to meet you, definitely, but when you work and play in the shadows, the spotlight tends not to be your friend. I guess, when you’re doing penance, though, you do what you gotta do. So, here I am.”

“It all sounds pretty covert to me. I’ve never known a cop who had a code name.”

“I’m not really a cop, per se. Now, the Department does sign my paycheck, but I don’t have a badge or anything—and they definitely don’t trust me with a Glock. No, my weapon of choice is an Intel processor and a high bandwidth connection. I work the Counter IT group in the Artificial Crimes Unit.”

“What about this ‘Q’ business, then?”

“Jake—he’s one of the ACU detectives—he hung the moniker on me, cause I guess we both like the old, classic James Bond stories. But he’s a techno-fossil. He actually reads the dead tree versions of books. Anyway, I kind of liked it and I needed a new alias when I came over to the Department from the dark side of hacking. You know how it is. You can’t pick your nose when you’re on-line without nine thousand Kleenex ads popping up all over your screen. When you’re tracking down bad guys—and these guys are really bad—murderously bad–you don’t need them popping up at your front door.”

“I suppose that’s true. I could track almost anyone if I had a few pieces of data. So what kind of things fall under your jurisdiction?”

“It used to be pretty tame and cushy. The street beat guys would repo a synthoid—you know, like you, a human-like android or replicant, but one that was hacked and sent off the rails to commit some crime—like maybe being re-programmed to get rid of a guy’s ex-wife to relieve him of alimony payments or maybe just for spite. Anyway, Bob and Puff in the Forensics Tech Lab would send over the firmware, bio-logic and data link libraries for our group to analyze for coding signatures that Jake and his partner use to ID the hacker who created the hitman and arrest him.”

“Is that what this “Munchausen” thing is all about?”

“Yeah, yeah. Murder by proxy. See, the thing is, when a synthoid is used to commit murder, there’s no sweat or fingerprints or blood or skin fragments left under the victim’s fingernails or any kind of viable biological evidence like what regular cops can use to identify the human hacking suspect, so Jake and Maddie really need my group to find the perp’s programming “DNA” buried in the code. And, as you know, every hacker has his own quirks and tricks.”

“That’s horrible! I’ve been around a lot of robots, and none of them are as sophisticated as I am. It wouldn’t be too hard to add in some facial recognition hardware and send a drone after someone. They don’t have the emotional software I do, so they’d just carry out the assignment.”

“See, that’s the thing. It used to be simple and robotic–so to speak. Somebody’s annoying the crap out of you, you pay some cyberpunk to send a Munchausened drone after him. Now, though, you’ve got this guy–they call him the Baron–who’s doing it just because he likes it. And what he’s doing is taking advantage of the new Gen-3 personality modules and the ANSI Adaptive Artificial Intelligence Protocol #9 to resurrect these notorious serial killers from the past and implant them into synthoids to re-create their sprees. It’s pretty sick. You know, society would be totally better off if the government had never allowed these robot slaves out of the lab.”

“Hang on, Q. You know, I’m a robot, right? I mean you can’t lump all robots and artificial intelligence into one bucket any more than you can lump a race into a common pile. I even used to be a cop, for cryin’ out loud.”

“Well, you know, I guess it’s not really your fault. You weren’t built and programmed that way and that’s not the way the synthoids come out of the factory, originally. But sometimes it seems like it’s so obvious that there needs to be common sense AI control. I mean this Baron guy is sick. He taps the audio and video sensor feeds and streams them into the Darknet so he can watch the murders as they happen and replay them over and over and over. I’ve seen them and they’re horrific. And he shares them with his cabal of minions. He seems to have a following, believe it or not.

“But even worse, he’s using perverted convolutional neural networking code to give the ‘droids a taste for it–to make them like it, like he does. He seems to have figured out some kind of emotional A-to-D converter algorithm so that these machines don’t just mechanically recreate murderous acts, they seem to actually feel and react to their own horror. You can see it in the metrics: power consumption; I/O; CPU, memory and graphic engine loadings; bandwidth consumption; RPS, ARTs and PRTs.

“God only knows what he’s going to do with the data he’s generating. Jake and Maddie really need to get this guy.”

“If this is going on right now, it sounds like important work. What do you do to unwind at the end of your shift?”

“You gotta do something physical. You gotta get your mind out of the box at least for a little while. I used to compete in X-Games, BMX freestyle, but those days are long behind me. My parents harp on me that I seem to always take the path of most resistence, so I guess it’s no surprise that I’m doing mainly Parcour any more. Don’t need any equipment but a good set of shoes. And, working downtown, it’s easy to find challenging courses. It really clears my mind.

“The other thing I found out is that it’s really important to relate to things out in Meatspace–you know real things, physical objects. I don’t know if you feel this, but, you and I, so much of our world is a cyber world, pixels and shadows and dark space. You need something real. I think in my third college Freshman year, I took an Art Appreciation class–actually, I think I ended up with an incomplete in that course, due to an incident with the spring on-line registration. Anyway, it came back to me years later and now I hang out a lot at the Museum of Art. It’s fascinating how these guys see pixels in their mind and make it a hard reality, something you can touch and feel and be in the same room with.”

“With that in mind, I did a bit of hacking of my own.”

“Of course you did.”

“Don’t sweat it, it’s the good kind. You are aware, of course, that the Department has the ACU offices wired up with cameras everywhere.”

“Yeah, I know. Stupid Internal Affairs. And their servers leak like the Titanic. It’s great working with pros.”

“So, I saw the print in your office, and I went to the printshop and had something made for you. The original hangs in my office in the writing cabin across the meadow, but this print is for you.”

“Excellent!  A Lisa Burton Diptych. That Warhol might have been a weird dude, but, man, his art is like a stained-glass church window between what was real and the hollow Madison Avenue soul of the Sixties. And I gotta say, Marilyn’s got nothing on you in the looks department. Thanks. Thank you very much.”

“I wish you every success in rooting these killers out. It makes Nigerian Prince scams seem kind of tame on the old cybercrime meter. Any closing remarks for our audience today?”

“Yeah, those days when the worst that cyberpunks could do to you was steal your identity are long gone. You know, Jake always says that a magazine loaded with bullets contains both order and chaos, good and evil. I never understood what he was getting at, but now I know the same thing holds true for technology.”

“If you’d like to learn more about Q and the Counter IT section, pick up the books in the Murder by Munchausen series, by M.T. Bass. I’ll post all the details after I go off the air today. Books one and two are currently available, with the third installment available via pre-order right now.

“Help one of the good robots stay on the air today by using those sharing buttons. It’s fun, and I’m sure both Q and M.T. Bass would do it for you, when your character appears on the next Lisa Burton Radio.”

***

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

M.T. Bass

www.mtbass.net

mtb@owl-works.com

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5270962.M_T_Bass

https://www.facebook.com/owlworks/

https://twitter.com/Owlworks

 

M.T. Bass is a scribbler of fiction who holds fast to the notion that while victors may get to write history, novelists get to write/right reality. He lives, writes, flies and makes music in Mudcat Falls, USA.

Born in Athens, Ohio, M.T. Bass grew up in St. Louis, Missouri. He graduated from Ohio Wesleyan University, majoring in English and Philosophy, then worked in the private sector (where they expect “results”) mainly in the Aerospace & Defense manufacturing market. During those years, Bass continued to write fiction. He is the author of seven novels: My Brother’s Keeper, Crossroads, In the Black, Somethin’ for Nothin’, Murder by Munchausen, The Darknet (Murder by Munchausen Mystery #2) and The Invisible Mind (Murder by Munchausen Mystery #3). His writing spans various genres, including Mystery, Adventure, Romance, Black Comedy and TechnoThrillers. A Commercial Pilot and Certified Flight Instructor, airplanes and pilots are featured in many of his stories. Bass currently lives on the shores of Lake Erie near Lorain, Ohio.

Murder by Munchausen Series Log Line: A Cyber Crime Thriller Series: Notorious serial killers digitally resurrected to live & hunt again in hacked replicants, pursued by detectives of the Artificial Crimes Unit.

Murder by Munchausen – Book #1

“…packed with action and unexpected developments…fast-paced, entertaining…” — Kirkus Reviews

After Jake shoots and kills a murder suspect who turns out to be the son of a powerful city councilman, he finds himself demoted to the Artificial Crimes Unit, tracking down androids hacked and programmed to be hit men.

When his case of an “extra-judicial” divorce settlement takes a nasty turn with DNA from a hundred-year-old murder in Boston and a signature that harkens back to the very first serial killer ever in London, Jake finds himself tangled up in the brutal slayings of prostitutes being investigated by his former Robbery/Homicide partner, Maddie–who is now his lover.

“It might not make sense, but the beloved Media tags it ‘Murder by Munchausen.’ For a price, there are hackers out there who will reprogram a synthoid to do your dirty work. The bad news: no fingerprints or DNA left at the crime scene. The good news—at least for us—is that they’re like missiles: once they hit their target, they’re usually as harmless as empty brass. The trick is to get them before they melt down their core OS data, so you can get the unit into forensics for analysis and, hopefully, an arrest.” [excerpt from Murder by Munchausen]

Artificial Intelligence? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Artificial Evil has a name…Munchausen.

Purchase Links

View Murder by Munchausen Page on mtbass.net

View Murder by Munchausen on Amazon.com

View at the Apple iBookstore

View at Barnes & Noble Online

View at KoboBooks.com

View at Smashwords

The Darknet – Book #2

It was the case of a lifetime……but then it went sideways on her. The suspect Maddie put behind bars might have been crazy but it turns out he was innocent, and now she finds herself in the Artificial Crimes Unit hunting a serial killer from two hundred years ago and a madman breathing life back into him with modern technology. Worse yet, she’s partnered up with Jake, her former lover.

When androids are hacked and reprogrammed into hit men, Maddie and Jake investigate and track down the hackers. But now, an evil genius is using droids to recreate the infamous Jack the Ripper murders.

“It might not make sense, but the beloved Media tags it ‘Murder by Munchausen.’ For a price, there are hackers out there who will reprogram a synthoid to do your dirty work. The bad news: no fingerprints or DNA left at the crime scene. The good news—at least for us—is that they’re like missiles: once they hit their target, they’re usually as harmless as empty brass. The trick is to get them before they melt down their core OS data, so you can get the unit into forensics for analysis and, hopefully, an arrest.” [excerpt from Murder by Munchausen]

Artificial Intelligence? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Artificial Evil has a name…Munchausen.

Purchase Links

View The Darknet Page on mtbass.net

View The Darknet on Amazon.com

View at the Apple iBookstore

View at Barnes & Noble Online

View at KoboBooks.com

View at Smashwords

The Invisible Mind – Book #3

Now unleashed, the “Baron” is resurrecting history’s notorious serial killers, giving them a second life in the bodies of hacked and reprogrammed Personal Assistant Androids, then turning them loose to terrorize the city.  While detectives Jake and Maddie of the police department’s Artificial Crimes Unit scramble to stop the carnage with the Baron’s arrest, the cyberpunk head of the Counter IT Section, Q, struggles to de-encrypt his mad scheme to infect world data centers with a virus that represents a collective consciousness of evil.

“…he intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention.”

~Adam Smith, 1776

“When wireless is perfectly applied the whole earth will be converted into a huge brain, which in fact it is, all things being particles of a real and rhythmic whole.”

~Nikola Tesla, 1926

“…so, too, the psyche possesses a common substratum transcending all differences in culture and consciousness. I have called this substratum the collective unconscious.”

~Carl Jung, 1931

“It might not make sense, but the beloved Media tags it ‘Murder by Munchausen.’ For a price, there are hackers out there who will reprogram a synthoid to do your dirty work. The bad news: no fingerprints or DNA left at the crime scene. The good news—at least for us—is that they’re like missiles: once they hit their target, they’re usually as harmless as empty brass. The trick is to get them before they melt down their core OS data, so you can get the unit into forensics for analysis and, hopefully, an arrest.” [excerpt from Murder by Munchausen]

Artificial Intelligence? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Artificial Evil has a name…Munchausen

Purchase Links

View The Invisible Mind Page on mtbass.net

View The Invisible Mind on Amazon.com

View at the Apple iBookstore

View at Barnes & Noble Online

View at KoboBooks.com

View at Smashwords

A Grave Misunderstanding, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Hello, and welcome to this week’s edition of Lisa Burton Radio. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and I’m stoked to introduce this week’s guest. It’s my first time interviewing another robot. “Welcome to the show, Smithers.”

“It is my distinct pleasure, Lisa.”

“Smithers, you’re in the studio with me, but our listeners can’t see you. I’m excited to meet an advanced model, and you look as human as I do. In fact, I think you look a bit like Peter O’Toole.”

“Yes, that is very perceptive of you. In fact, most of us in the Simdroid 3000 Series resemble Peter O’Toole. Our human creator, Darius Hawthorne, has a great affection for O’Toole, particularly his role in Lawrence of Arabia. That’s why he has ten other simdroids in the mansion who look like me. Our voices vary, however. You know, Jimmy Stewart, James Cagney, and so on. Oh, and then there’s the upstairs maid, who has the voice of Marilyn Monroe. My voice, as you will certainly note, is the actual mellifluous voice of none other than the late Richard Burton.”

“Great voice, and great last name, if I do say so myself. My voice is an amalgamation of Catherine Zeta-Jones, Vanessa Williams, and a lady I thought sounded nice on a telenovella. Now my bio says you are a butler at Hawthorne Mansion. Butlers always have all the dirt. What kind of things go on at Hawthorne Mansion?”

“Until yesterday, I would have said nothing much. Polishing, cleaning, tidying, the usual butlerly stuff. But the murder has changed all that, you see, and not just any ordinary murder, but a murder that defies logic, at least any logic I’ve been given in my programming.”

“Why, what a wonderful puzzled expression you have generated!

“Let me explain. The gentlemen I am helping with this case, Detective Simon Grave and his near invisible partner, Sergeant Barry Blunt, call the murder a locked-room mystery, but with a twist. Instead of the victim, poor Miss Epiphany Jones, being locked in the room dead as can be, all of the so-called prime suspects—seven in all—were locked in the room, myself among them. Not that the butler did it, understand. Oh, my, who programmed your expressions? They are quite delightful.

“At any rate, we don’t know who did it, and I don’t know logically why Detective Grave thinks that any of us locked in that room could have been the murderer. He’s a rather curious fellow, and logic seems to be a challenge for him. That being said, he at least recognizes my abilities as an observer and recording device. He’s letting me sit in on the interrogations.”

“Let me tell you, my recording capability has proven handy more than once. Does anyone seem to know why the murder happened?”

“There are at least two theories. Firstly, there is reason to suspect a violent argument between the victim and Mr. Hawthorne’s daughter, Whitney Waters, who has achieved some small fame by painting red herrings, in the nude. And, of course, there is the MacGuffin Trophy, a sailing trophy that was stolen from the locked room the same night as the murder. Two crimes, you see, perhaps connected.”

“Hmpfff! So detective Grave is going to have to chase the MacGuffin, get it?”

“What? Oh, Ha! I see what you are doing there, but no. The trophy is named after Barnaby MacGuffin, a famous local yachtsman. The trophy is awarded to the winner of an annual race in Crab Cove.”

“Okay, so we have this missing trophy and a body. Do you have any suspects yet?”

“Well, Miss Waters, of course, although it could have been Mr. Hawthorne; his second wife, Philomena; his other daughter, wheelchair-bound Edwina; the French governess, Lola Lafarge; or Whitney’s young son, Roy Lynn Waters. And me, although that is quite ridiculous. Nothing in my programming suggests I could have done such a thing. Robots just don’t do that sort of thing.

“Still, the interviews of the suspects have been interesting. As I said, Detective Grave seems to have an oil and water relationship with logic. He reminds me more of that fictional character Dudley Do-Right than the equally fictional Sherlock Holmes.

“I have to say, though, that I think Detective Grave could learn something from Sherlock. I’m not sure if Arthur Conan Doyle’s novels are part of your database, but I can access them all, including his way of approaching a case, which is, and I quote: Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

“Well, I’m afraid Detective Graves’ approach goes something like: Once you eliminate the truth, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the impossible.

“So, right at the moment, everyone is a murderer and a thief, and everyone is a red herring.”

“Oh crap, that reminds me. The traveling salesman Red Herring stoped by the writing cabin recently. I need to finish cataloging and putting all that stuff away. I’ll bet my author would prefer a naked lady painter to show up. Wait, Whitney is a lady, right?”

“Yes, and quite beautiful, according to my programming. A ten on some maddeningly subjective scale or other, ten being the highest. Although frankly, that is not a data point of any interest to me. I am a Simdroid 3000, Series 2, Butler Model XL, and butlering is what I do. I am not human and don’t wish to pass for human.”

“See, that’s our programming. I was built to almost trick people into believing I’m human, so I want to be as human as possible. If I were programmed to be a butler, I’d want to be the best butler possible. I really respect your work ethic and dedication.”

“Well, the sooner we solve this murder, the sooner I can get back to doing just that. And that will be fine with me.”

“Smithers, I wish you all the best. Sometimes these little diversions can be maddening. Do you have any closing remarks for our listeners today?”

“Being a butler, my entire focus is on serving my master and his household as well as I can. Part and parcel to that, of course, is being as efficient as possible. With that in mind, I would make the following humble requests. Gentlemen guests, please lift the seat before urinating. Lady guests, please avoid leaving lipstick on the champagne glasses.

“And thank you, Lisa, for letting me ramble on. You have quite run down my battery.”

“You can learn all about Smithers, the MacGuffin Trophy, Barry Blunt, and the others in A Grave Misunderstanding, by Len Boswell, one of the Simon Grave Mysteries. I’ll include all of the deets on the website.

“Don’t forget to help me keep the lights on around here. Please use those sharing buttons and help Len and Smithers spread the work about this book.

“For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

***
Book Blurb:
In A Grave Misunderstanding, by Len Boswell, the first in a new series of Simon Grave Mysteries, “almost handsome” Detective Simon Grave and his “nearly invisible” partner, Sergeant Barry Blunt, investigate a locked-room mystery with a significant twist: the prime suspects are in the locked room, not the victim, a logic-defying situation that challenges the team at every turn. As if murder weren’t enough, they must also investigate the simultaneous disappearance of The MacGuffin Trophy from that same locked room, the studio of artist Whitney Waters, famous for her stylized paintings of red herrings.

Who is/are the killer(s)? How did he/she/they get out of the locked room with the trophy, kill the victim, and return unnoticed by others in the room? These and other questions, including the limits of logic and the meaning of life, are posed and perhaps even answered in this quirky, near-future mystery. Yes, there are robots.

Author Bio:

Len Boswell is the author of Flicker: A Paranormal Mystery, Skeleton: A Bare Bones Mystery, The Leadership Secrets of Squirrels, and Santa Takes a Tumble. An award-winning writer, he now spends his days in the mountains of West Virginia, with his wife, Ruth, and their two dogs, Shadow and Cinder.

You can follow Len and pick up a copy of A Grave Misunderstanding at the following locations:

Purchase Link

Twitter: @simonsilverback

Facebook

Rarity From the Hollow, on Lisa Burton Radio

Hey there all you androids and extra terrestrials, you've landed on Lisa Burton Radio, the only show out there that interviews the characters you love from the books you have to read. I'm your host, Lisa the robot girl, and with me in the studio today is Lacy Dawn. “Welcome to the show, Lacy.”

“Thanks for having me, Lisa. I hope that you’re not disappointed ‘cause I’m not a very important person like Harry Potter or Steve Harvey or someone famous.”

“I think you're very important, Lacy. My bio says you are not a chosen one, like so many characters. You're actually a designed one, using DNA manipulation. That's pretty interesting. What can you tell our listeners about that?”

“Yeah, I know that it’s hard to believe. I didn’t believe it myself except Bucky would never lie to me. He’s this guy who lives in a spaceship hidden in a cave up the hill from my house. I’ll tell you about the first time that we met. My daddy was drunk and mad. I knew that I was gonna’ get a switching ‘cause that’s how he gets rid of his own anger – takes it out on me and mommy. Anyway, I hid under my parent’s bed where daddy was bound to find me sooner or later. I was scared and shaking when I heard this voice. It was coming from an old clock radio, one that only the clock part still worked, so that was weird too, Lisa. The voice told me to climb inside this trunk under the bed that had my dad’s Playboy collection in it. I guess that I wasn’t thinking straight because I opened the lid to the trunk and it was empty. I got inside and stayed there until my dad had passed out. Pretty cool, huh?

“I was five then but I’ve grown up. I’m twelve and a half now and almost old enough to have a boyfriend. After the voice on the radio told me about the spaceship, I’ve been going up there to visit Bucky almost every day. He put this port under my hairline in the back. See? He plugs me into a cable and he also teaches me all kinds of stuff, like calculus and geography and about all these other planets out-of-state. One day, he asked me if I wanted to see a movie. I’d never been to a real movie before. So, of course, how could I turn that down!? It was boring at first – all this data about extracting mineral from planets designated to be shrunk. But, then the movie got exciting. After it was over, I thanked Bucky and told him that I’d learned a lot. It was time to go home for supper. Bucky measured something about my mom and told me that I had a couple minutes to discuss the movie before I left. It turned out that I was the main star in the movie! It was about a time before people were on Earth. My name was Smaller then. After Larger bonked me on the head a few times and after I woke up a few times from that, I ended up making Larger give me some food to take to other folks that were all living in the giant green bean casserole type building, vines everyplace and giant beans, way bigger than we pick out of our garden. So, maybe I am a movie star. Thanks again for interviewing me, Lisa.

“I’ve got a crush on Bucky. I know that he’s not a real boy. He’s better. He doesn’t laugh about the loudest fart in class. Yuck! Heck, he doesn’t even want to see my panties if I had a good pair on. Best, he ain’t got no private parts, well, not when we first met. He’ll make a perfect husband one of these days!”

“I've got to stop you there. Isn't Bucky actually an android named DotCom?”

“Well, yes, but I know that he loves me even if he doesn’t feel it all the way yet. I asked him about that stupid name, DotCom. The trees that talk to me in the Woods also asked about his name. They said that it sounded like a third grade internet class, as if a hardwood would know anything about cyberspace. Bucky said something about spamming the universe and that’s what his name meant, but I still haven’t figured it out. I changed his name to Bucky so he would fit when I introduced him to my family and friends. One of these days, like when I’m in junior high, I bet that he asks me out on a date to go to the school dance. I needed a better name than DotCom for him and he doesn’t mind. Ask him, Lisa. Oh, sorry, I have to help him stay hid.”

“You'll get no judgment from me. I'm a robot girl, and struggle to gain acceptance every day. I think it's cute that you two basically grew up together, and it seems natural that you would grow attached to each other.

“Now you and Bucky assemble quite a team to save the universe. Besides you two, it looks like you have a pothead, and a ghost. Why do they make good teammates when such a lot is on the line?”

“I used to cry a lot about Faith, even before her daddy murdered her. He was a mean man who did awful, terrible things to her that I don’t want to talk about. I’m glad that he’s now in prison where he belongs. I’d almost gotten Faith to the point where she was going to tell somebody. All that she ever hoped for in life was to be put in special education class where the work was easier and the teacher let you do puzzles. Then, after we studied one day in my clubhouse, a cardboard box that my grandma’s new refrigerator had come in, Faith took a risk and got 100% on a spelling quiz. She wrote a little joke to the teacher on her quiz before it had been turned in to grade. It was a hint about S E X and her knowing about it. She didn’t want to just come out and say it because she knew that welfare would come to her house and take her away and put her in a foster home or somewhere worse, like back in that mental health place where she was locked up when she was nine.

“One day Roundabend when I was gliding up the path to Bucky’s spaceship, Faith hollered at me. Shocked, I stop dead in my tracks, so to speak since I don’t have to make tracks anymore unless I want to. My tennis shoes are never muddy. I knew that Faith was dead, but she told me that I couldn’t get rid of her that easy. We’re still best friends. She lives in the Woods, inside of rocks and logs and even got inside Maple once. Maple is another one of my friends. She’s soooo sweet. I’d introduce you but she won’t talk to you since you ain’t been abused. Trees only talk to kids who have been maltreated. That’s their main job – to help us.

“Tom would talk to you, but he would believe that you’re a robot girl. He’d just think that he’d gotten too high. Tom’s my neighbor and my daddy’s best friend. In my opinion, they both smoke too much pot, but my dad says that it helps his PTSD and Tom says that it helps his Bipolar Disorder. That’s the main reason that Tom moved to the holler. He said that Big City life aggravated his problems.”

“So Shp…”

“Just say Shop 'Till You Drop, everyone else does. I’ve only been there once so far. It’s the main planet where universal governance is located – a giant shopping mall. Bucky told me that he wants to hire me for a very important job, but I’m still trying to figure out what the heck he’s talking about. My trainings involve going there. It was the first time that I’d ever been out-of-state. One thing that I am certain of is that I’m not going to help save the universe, whatever that means, unless Bucky helps me cure my parents. After that stupid President sent my father to the Gulf War, I don’t remember because I was just a baby, mommy says that he ain’t been the same since. I’m supposed to figure out what the heck the problem is, diagnose it, some kind of big threat, like everything will be destroyed if I don’t stop it. Since you’re a girl, don’t you think that the big boss of everything could come up with a better plan than for me to fix stuff? Besides, if someone wants to hire you for a job, and I can’t afford to turn down much of anything that pays good money, don’t you think that the boss should tell you exactly what to do in order to get paid? I’m supposed to go back to Shptiludrp to study on it some more.”

“So Shop 'Till You Drop is facing some kind imminent threat? What else do you know about the nature of this threat?”

“At this point, I don’t know a heck of a lot. Bucky has a boss who recalled him once to be reprogrammed. When Bucky came back to Earth, he had forgotten how to love. Can you feel love, Lisa? It always comes with pain, but it’s so worth it if you can talk your maker into installing feeling programs. Bucky couldn’t figure out how he started to feel stuff. It just happened. He said that there was no precedent in the Universal Database. When Bucky came back home empty after being gone so long that time, I got really pissed. Can you feel pissed, Lisa? I refused to do anything more on this big and important job that we were talking about until I had my man back, my real man the way he was before reprogramming. He got fixed. Anyway, Bucky mentioned once that his boss’s name was Mr. Prump and that all he thinks about is making more money, more and more money. I’ve studied extreme capitalism as part of my lesson plans, as well as every other political and economic ideology practiced on every planet in the universe. Mr. Prump lives in a fancy apartment in a high rise tower type building, the only one on planet Shptiludrp. At some point, I expect to be invited there to negotiate according to the Art of the Deal rules. One thing that I do know for sure – Shptiludrp is strictly by invitation only. Mr. Prump don’t allow illegal immigrants, refugees from other planets even if he is about to exploit their planet for its minerals, and he absolutely hates socialists. But, he’s probably not as mean as it all sounds. If I figure out all this stuff and the universe survives, I’ll let you know what I think of Mr. Prump after I get to know him. Maybe you and I can have lunch. Do you ever eat, Lisa? Bucky ate part of a cookie once, and even pooped it back out, a tiny brown ball. Sorry. Bucky was so proud that he put the ball in his shirt pocket. lol That was a while back when he was still growing up. I made him flush it down the toilet and wash his hands real good. I hope that I didn’t gross you out. If you can develop an appetite, Lisa, you’ve probably lost it now.”

“Lacy, this show has been on the air for a while now. I've met characters with high stakes, like the world, or even the universe before. I'm sure you have a trick or two to pull all this off. What I want to know is what's next for you and Bucky? I guess, deep in my processors, I'm your basic romantic.”

“One of these days, after he finishes growing up, Bucky and I are going to get married. I have it all planned. We’re going to adopt babies because, although he’s started to grow private parts, it’ll probably take so long for all of his systems to join with carbon that I don’t want to wait. He’s too immature now to get married. Plus, he’s afraid of his boss, Mr. Prump, and does everything that he’s instructed. Heck with that! My mommy has had lots of problems, and she’s getting stronger, but I know from her and my grandmas for as long as forever, the wife is the boss in the family, period. I’m sure that you agree, Lisa.”

“It all seems kind of old fashioned, but in a cute way. I'm really cheering for you guys. Any final words for our listeners today?”

“Yes, unless I’m totally off-base, you and every other sentient being had better hope that I figure out this mess and save the universe. I didn’t ask for this job but I’m going to do my best to fulfill my destiny. Centuries of protests about the Prump administration have failed. He is no longer loved but has retained a firm grip on power. Now, Prump is up against the wall that he built and his ass is mine. On behalf of everybody, I’ll negotiate the best deal that I can. Thanks for inviting me. It was fun.”

“There you have it folks. Pick up Rarity from the Hollow by Robert Eggleston to find out if Lacy and her friends can save the universe. I'm interested in whether she and Bucky can find a way to be together.

“Don't forget to hit those sharing buttons on the way out. Robert and Lacy will appreciate it, and you will too when your character appears on Lisa Burton Radio.”

***

Blurb:

Lacy Dawn's father relives the Gulf War, her mother's teeth are rotting out, and her best friend is murdered by the meanest daddy on Earth. Life in the hollow is hard. She has one advantage — an android was inserted into her life and is working with her to cure her parents. But, he wants something in exchange. It's up to her to save the Universe. Lacy Dawn doesn't mind saving the universe, but her family and friends come first.

Rarity from the Hollow is adult literary science fiction filled with tragedy, comedy and satire. A Children's Story. For Adults.

“The most enjoyable science fiction novel I have read in years.”

—Temple Emmet Williams, Author, former editor for Reader’s Digest

“…a hillbilly version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy…what I would have thought impossible; taken serious subjects like poverty, ignorance, abuse…tongue-in-cheek humor without trivializing them…profound…a funny book that most sci-fi fans will thoroughly enjoy.” — Awesome Indies (Gold Medal)

Purchase links:

Lulu Amazon Dog Horn Publishing

About the Author: I recently retired after 52 years of contributions into the U.S. Social Security fund so that I could write and promote my fiction. I’m a former mental health psychotherapist in West Virginia. After coming home drained from working with child abuse victims, I didn't have the energy left to begin its self-promotion of this project. Most of the successes listed above have been achieved in the last fifteen months following my retirement. Author proceeds have been donated to a child abuse prevention program in my home state. http://www.childhswv.org/ A listing of services that are supported can be found here: http://mountainrhinestones.blogspot.com/2015/06/review-giveaway-rarity-from-hollow-by.html.

Author Contacts:

Blog Goodreads Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn

It’s Lisa Burton, on Lisa Burton Radio #RRBC

Welcome to another edition of Lisa Burton Radio, the show where we talk to the characters that bring the stories to life. I'm your host, Lisa the robot girl, and I find myself without a guest again.

Several of you sent in emails that you thought a show where I talk about myself would be a good idea. It's not the normal kind of show, but I'm going to go with it for this week. In fact, I have an idea involving your emails, and I'll talk about it toward the end of the show.

I have a bunch of interviews lined up, but you know how authors are, they want to time them for the book release, or a big promotion they have coming up. I don't blame them, I was in a story or two myself. I'm always looking for characters to interview, so don't be afraid to drop me a line. This page has all the important deets. Yeah, I'm a robot, I can speak in html.

I've done a lot in my short time here. My origin story is in the novel, Wild Concept. Craig also loaned me out to the lovely Karen at My Train of Thoughts on. Karen let me flex some of my forensics skills to help her character out with an investigation.

Craig let me move into the writing cabin where I help him with his stories. This usually involves making coffee, but he also lets me download voices and help him with dialog. As his personal assistant, I make arrangements for his blog tours, discounts, and other promotions.

A couple of years ago he promoted me to spokesmodel for his writing career. This usually involves spending time with the artist and having some promotional posters made. I've dropped these off with blogs all over the world when visiting them to promote the newest book. To be honest, I've gathered up some sweet outfits this way.

Craig let me have a short story in his first Experimental Notebook, and I got to fill in for a bomb defusing robot that sunk in a river. Every once in a while it's great to use some of my skills beyond secretarial and clerical.

To be honest, with Craig working a full time job, and writing on his off days, I have a lot of free time around the cabin. This is why I scored the old Airstream and turned it into a radio station. My shows are some of the most popular on this blog, and they usually get a lot of shares. I've gotten email from authors who sold well on the day of the broadcast.

I've interviewed some dark lords, ghosts, a super spy, a shipwreck victim, a cat burglar, a drite, and even a lawyer. Just, so many cool characters. I'd love to interview your character too.

Lately I've been working on the release of the Second Experimental Notebook, including going on an extensive blog tour myself. Then I set up all the Halloween promotions and discounts.

Between Craig's fits of writing, it can get lonely out at the cabin. I mean, I have great wifi and Amazon will deliver anything I buy online. Still, it's nice to chat with people once in a while. So here's my next idea.

Does anyone out there want me to ask your questions on the air? If we could get enough of them, I might make a show where I answer your questions. You know, something like this: “Little Johnny, from Port Aransas, wants to know if I always dress this way around the writing cabin, and he's asking for a friend.”

I'd even be willing to include a link to your blog or Facebook in the questions. That way I could stockpile them for when I don't have a guest, but when I read them on the air, you would still get a link out there.

Okay, enough about that. It's almost Halloween and Craig and I always enjoy that. Even if it's quiet here, he can have a pumpkin beer and we can listen to the wolves howl at night. I've gathered up a few Halloween themed posters over the years, and I think I'll share them with you again. They make great backgrounds on your iPads and cell phones. I'll include them on the website.

For Lisa Burton Radio, I'm Lisa Burton — and send me your characters to interview.

***

Going Steampunk, on Lisa Burton Radio #RRBC

 

It’s time for another edition of Lisa Burton Radio. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and today we’re going to go totally steampunk on you. So grab your brass goggles and top hat and welcome Dana Redwing to the show.

“Welcome Dana, thanks for joining us.”

“Thank you Lisa, it’s a pleasure to be here. I’ve wanted to meet you for ages”

“Your story fascinates me on several fronts. You aren’t the first spy we’ve had on the show. How much can you tell our listeners about that?”

“Well, as you know, my family and I live in the Ohio Colony on the coast of Lake Erie. We’re part of the vast British Empire although there are those who have been lately agitating for independence seeking to have us break away from the mother country. I cannot help but think that is a terrible idea, by the way. We were recruited – I suppose that’s the best word for it – by Dr. John Watson on behalf of Mycroft Holmes, a British civil servant who is the brother of a detective of some renown. I believe Mr. Holmes chose us because we have enjoyed some success in business and thus have access to certain circles where we can gather information without attracting too much attention. Then, too, as women my mother, daughter, and I are considered, well, not to put too fine a point on it, more ornamental than threatening. Silly, really, but that’s how women are seen in 1894. Our latest mission is one of tremendous significance. The German Empire needs warm-water ports for its ever growing navy and is negotiating with Spain, which is in terrible economic straits, to allow a base in Barcelona. Mr. Holmes has assigned us to derail those negotiations if that is possible. If we are not successful, the balance of power could shift and there is the distinct possibility of war between our empires. Because of the advances in weapons technology over the past decade, I believe such a war would destroy civilization as we know it.”

“You’ve assembled quite a team. There’s you, your mother, your daughter, and Beverly Gray. Does Beverly sometimes feel out of place, or is she more like Alfred from Batman?”

“Beverly has quickly become a member of the family and we feel quite fortunate to have met her, albeit under some unusual circumstances. She’s proven to be an excellent administrator and is quite fearless, actually, although to look at her you wouldn’t know it. My daughter and I, as well as my mother, are quite tall for women and Beverly is tiny by comparison but she has the heart of a lioness. My daughter and I are both inventors and Beverly, while not possessing our mechanical aptitude, has a lively mind and often contributes suggestions of a practical nature that push us in some new directions. Of course, because she is not only a woman but also petite, men tend to underestimate her fierceness and her intelligence. That is a great advantage in our line of work.”

“Seems like a formidable crew. I’ll bet they get the job done most of the time. I’m really interested in Adam, the automaton you built in your cellar. That’s a huge project for one person to take on. You might be interested to know that my manufacturers put together a think tank and decided to call me an automation. They felt like it would sell better to the purchasing public.

“So does Adam talk, have some kind of covering, run on coal power? Tell us how he works, and what jobs he does.”

“First, can I say that you are simply marvelous. Sitting here and talking with you is almost breathtaking and I daresay no one would know that you are not a flesh-and-blood female… and a very beautiful one at that. I can’t help but think you would be a welcome addition to our family.

“As for Adam… We are a female household, for the most part. My brother William is a freelance journalist who is often gone for extended periods of time and, since we cannot have servants because of the work we do for Queen and Country, I designed Adam to be a combination butler and handyman. I must admit that I had neither the skill nor the imagination to make him look human in any meaningful way. He is seven feet tall and golden in color. He can speak, thanks to a modified Babbage logic engine, though his ability to converse is fairly limited. I did teach him to play chess but he was designed primarily to help us with chores around the house. His power source is… well, I can’t really go into detail about that but I will say it is electrical and not coal-fired. Despite his appearance, we regard him as a member of the family, although he did give Beverly quite a start when she first met him.

“If I may, can I ask you how concerned you are about what we might call your mortality. I know that you have been involved in a lengthy lawsuit with the corporation that created you and that it is unlikely to help should you need significant repairs. Does that cause you much anxiety?”

“It bothers me, but so much of it is out of my hands. I stay busy helping Craig, and I recently had a checkup and got some software upgrades. All off the record stuff though, almost like being a spy. Spying is an interesting profession. The only one I know is also a woman. Do you have a hard time, as women, gaining access to the kinds of places where all the good information is kept?”

“Actually, it’s because we are women that men tend to speak freely in front of us, mistakenly believing that we have neither the wit nor the requisite logical thought processes to understand what they are discussing. The fact that we are wealthy also gives us access to social occasions that we use to unearth information for Mr. Holmes. In our latest mission we have enlisted the assistance of the Infanta Maria Eulalia Francisca de Asis Margarita Roberta Isabel Francisca de Paula Cristina Maria de la Piedad, the Duchess of Galliera. In a more just world, she would be in line to be Queen of Spain but the Spanish no longer allow women to be rulers and so this remarkably intelligent woman is relegated to the diplomatic sidelines.”

“Wow! That’s quite a name. I never thought beyond Lisa Burton for mine. I think our listeners are going to love a princess. Is she homely? Does she have to cover her face? Is she taken care of all the time, or is she a real butt kicker?”

“Lia – as she is known privately to friends and intimates – is considered one of the most beautiful women in Europe. She is also whip smart and a believer in women’s rights. She is also quite skilled when it comes to what you now call public relations. She, for example, won the hearts of Americans when she visited the recent exposition in Chicago by walking the Midway eating hot dogs instead of going to a sumptuous luncheon with the city’s elite and even went to Mass in one of the city’s poorest churches rather than the cathedral. She is also, as we learned when we first met her, a master of disguise. She travels with some truly ferocious bodyguards, is a writer, and quite independent.”

“Oh my gosh, it all sounds so exciting. Hobnobbing with royalty, spying, preventing a war. Are there airships? Please tell me there are airships too.”

“There are plenty of airships, and some aerial combat as well. Oh, and I should probably mention, there’s a submersible – I think you call them submarines? My brother spent some time on one, quite unwillingly I might add, though I would have loved to have seen it. Our adventures on behalf of the Queen are chronicled in a book called “The Ashtabula Irregulars: Opening Gambit.”

“Thank you for being on the show today, Dana. Listeners, be sure to check out this wonderful book.”

***

On a cold October night young Beverly Gray is running for her life when she literally bumps into William Thompson, journalist and spy for Her Majesty Queen Victoria. It is 1894 and America is still part of the British Empire but there is revolution in the air. Together with William’s remarkable family and their former Buffalo Soldier friend Joshua Bowman, Beverly soon finds herself on a secret mission ordered by the shadowy Mycroft Holmes to stop the German Empire from negotiating a treaty for warm water ports in Spain and the Pacific. Filled with international intrigue and more than its share of gunfights, “The Ashtabula Irregulars: Opening Gambit” is the first in a Steampunk adventure series that takes readers into old New York, England, France, the Philippines, Egypt, Sicily and Spain as the story unfolds.

The Ashtabula Irregulars: Opening Gambit” is available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001KCABGK

Mike Billington spent nearly a half century as a reporter covering stories around the world and across the United States including Operation Desert Storm, the Rwandan Civil War, hurricanes Hugo, Andrew, Katrina and Rita as well as the Love Canal environmental disaster and the 9/11 airline crash near Shanksville, Pa. During his career he earned more than 40 awards including the Brotherhood Medal of the National Conference of Christians and Jews for an undercover investigation of white-power extremists and the Southern Journalism Award for Investigative Reporting for a series he co-authored exposing police abuses of Florida’s Contraband Forfeiture Act. He also received several awards for a lengthy series on infant mortality in Delaware. An Army veteran who spent two tours in Vietnam, his awards and decorations include the Bronze Star, Purple Heart and Combat Infantryman’s Badge. In addition, he was twice decorated by the Vietnamese government. Given his background, it’s not surprising that Mike writes in a wide variety of genres from Steampunk to mystery and even historical fiction.

I’m on Twitter @Billington_Book

My email address is michaelbillington9@gmail.com

A day of celebration

I got to the writing cabin late today. I have family responsibilities on Sundays, and won't shirk those. I went into my office and started on all the things a writer has to keep up with.

I answered several emails, checked Twitter and Facebook, then proceeded to WordPress. Lisa* brought me some coffee, and I looked away from the computer. “Guess who just won a Planetary Award?”

“I don't know, who?”

“Me. My short story, Something in the Water, won a Planetary Award over at Planetary Defense Command.”

“Oh.”

“I thought you'd be more excited. I'm excited.”

“It would have been nice to have Bombshell Squad win something.”

“I get your point, but Something in the Water was a fun story, and it caught the judge's attention. Besides, you've been getting plenty of attention. Wild Concept sold some copies during its 99¢ sale, and the UK sale is still going on. They may even surpass the US store.”

“I suppose. It's just that you've grown as a writer. Bombshell Squad is a little better writing than Wild Concept.”

“I don't get your point. Something in the Water is just as recent, and reflects the same amount of growth as a writer.”

“Should we celebrate, or something?”

“I think we should. We'll get the enchanted beer horns filled up and drink them dry. Make sure you post a picture of the haunted biplane on the blog too. People may want it for a phone background, or even a computer. Besides, you're in the picture, and some people might like that too.”

“That's a good idea. I love my flight jacket.” Her eyelashes fluttered, and I knew she was online.

Lisa scowled. “I have some bad news too. It looks like someone held a kegger out at the island. They defaced the Moai with spray paint and left garbage everywhere.”

“That sucks, why do people have to act like that?”

“Don't know. Do you want me to take a sandblaster out there and try to clean it up?”

“No. Today we celebrate. Drop a note to the National Park Service fairies. They'll take care of it.”

“You're not going to make those poor fairies scrub those giant statues, are you?”

“It's kind of their job, but no. They use dermestid beetles.”

Lisa's eyelashes fluttered again as she searched the Internet. “Gross, those are the kind of beetles scientists use to strip bones clean.”

“Right, they use them for museum displays. I think even the cops use them to study the bones of murder victims. The fairies keep a large herd of them, because they eat garbage and even spray paint.”

<Snort>

“What?”

“Do the fairies use tiny little dehorning saws and branding irons?”

“I have no idea. I'll bet they have an informational page on their website. You should check it out.”

“I'm going to, and if they don't I'm going to shoot them an email.”

“For right now, let's celebrate.” I whistled for the enchanted beer horns, and they both trumpeted. Lisa filled them up while they wagged their tails and helped us celebrate. Lisa doesn't need to eat or drink, so I'll probably empty both of them myself.

*Lisa is my robotic personal assistant, and the spokesmodel for my books. She even has her own Facebook Page.

Checking in

I’m just about to head down to my seminar, in Atlanta. I was so tired last night that I didn’t post anything.

I’ve been chosen as another Push Tuesday recipient by the Rave Reviews Book Club. This means my fellow club members will push one of my books across social media for an entire day. This is great support, and it generally moves copies too.

If you think you could benefit from some of this support, consider joining us today.

The club chooses which book to promote, and they chose Wild Concept. Lisa is beside herself with joy.

“I’d like to thank the Academy, anyone who’s invited me to their blog, everyone who’s ever appeared on my radio show, Craig, Bunny,…

Someone give her the hook. I’ve got to go to work. I’ll try to check in during the breaks and to support back when I can. Thanks everyone.

Getting ready to go on tour

I did a bit of weeding, and some fence repair today. After I lugged the garbage to the curb, I headed for the writing cabin.

Lisa* had the front office piled with bags, and cardboard tubes.

“What's with all the stuff?” I asked.

“It's about time to go on another book tour. I need my clothes, and makeup. These tubes are all the posters for your hosts. I added a few more book covers, just in case.”

“Great idea. How do you decide which posters to give to someone?”

“They usually decide themselves. They can have one of each, if they like. They both turned out good.”

“I thought you didn't like the one with the dog.”

“It was all a mistake. I expected something else, and when it happened it was a surprise. My circuits like planned out results. Over time it grew on me, and it was kind of funny. I could never stay mad at a dog. He's kind of goofy, but that's just the way he is.”

“So do you still like the other one?”

“The Blunderbuss one? Yeah. It's an important piece from the book, and I like the pile of books I had to stand on. Besides, I got to wear that cute outfit I picked up in Bombshell Squad.”

“I figured you'd like that. Are you going to use the old biplane again?”

“Transportation isn't a problem these days. I still have my Harley, you bought us that old Land Rover that works most of the time. Then there's the biplane, which was handy over longer distances. Still, it took a long time to get overseas. You have a lot of friends in places like Europe, Africa, and Australia.”

“So what do you have in mind? Do you want to use an airline?”

“No. Since we repaired the rocket-pack, I could take it into a shallow orbit and get overseas in record time.”

“Are you sure? It's kind of jury-rigged.”

“Believe me, I understand its circuits and can monitor it for any problems during flight. If I run into an issue I'll just touch down for repairs.”

“You know Earth is mostly water, right. Robot girls don't exactly float. You might be in for a long walk home underwater.”

“I'm not worried about it. You may have to pick up the tab for shipping if I find some cute clothes though.”

“What do you mean if? You've never failed to find something. Shipping isn't exactly in the budget.”

“Look, I don't eat, so it isn't like you have to pick up my meals. I'll get free shipping when I can, but you can pitch in if they charge. Either that, or you can let the dog pull off your trunks and we'll send out your posters.”

“Um, no. Nobody wants to see that. I'll pick up shipping, but try not to bankrupt me.”

“I can't, based upon my paychecks. I might get one cute pair of shoes, or something.”

“Do you need me to do anything while you're away?”

“Not if I use the rocket-pack. I can be back in time to cuddle Bunny and count out his pellets.”

“Whew, saved from cuddling with Bunny duty. Use the rocket-pack by all means.”

* Lisa Burton is my personal assistant, and the spokesmodel for Entertaining Stories. She's also a robot girl, with a couple stories of her own. She is willing to make more visits if you'd like her to come to your blog.

***

Lisa is promoting my latest book, The Playground. Look at that awesome cover and pre-order it today. Look, there's that dog again. http://a-fwd.com/asin=B01D6EF6RI

Lisa the robot interviews John W. Howell

“Hey, Lisa. I need you to do something for me.”

“Sure thing, what’s up.”

“I’m really busy today, and I need you to interview an author for me.”

“Wait a minute. Personal assistant, robot girl, spokesmodel. That’s my entire job description. Where does it say conduct interviews?”

“Well – You’d be assisting me, so it’s part of the assistant job.”

“Fine. Who is it?”

“You remember John W. Howell don’t you.”

“He was at the block party, back in September.”

“Yeah, he’s a great guy.”

“He wore a lampshade and kept asking me to turn him on.”

“I think you’re reading too much into it. Ask him about his new book. People love you, all you have to do is talk and make notes.”

“Fine.”

ooooo00ooooo

I took the formerly haunted biplane to Port Aransas, Texas. I touched up my hair and makeup at the airport, and changed into my brown suit. A nice Uber driver took me to John Howell’s house.

It’s a lovely place with canals in the back yard. He made me feel at home, and I started my interview. I knew I could take him, if he got fresh.

I smiled, turned on my internal recorders, and started. “So, John, I read My GRL, and John Cannon lost his boat, and was lucky to get out alive. What is it about you authors and torturing us main characters?”

“First off Lisa I want you to know I have been looking forward to this interview since I found out you were going to do it. Second I have to admit we authors do like to make our characters a little uncomfortable. It is the only way we can demonstrate to the reader what fine people they are. Take the case you mentioned. John Cannon wanted to become a charter boat captain and did not know the boat he bought was going to be used to blow up the Annapolis Midshipmen. Well when all was said and done John became a hero and unfortunately the bad guy Matt Jacobs got away. If John wasn’t challenged he would still be in his San Fransico law firm and unknown to all of us.”

“If Matt Jacobs is still around, is it safe for John these days?”

“That is a very interesting observation Lisa. In the latest book His Revenge we find out John is indeed in trouble. The President of the US wants to give him a medal for heroism in the MY GRL affair. While in Washington to accept the medal John is kidnapped by Matt Jacobs’ thugs. Matt hates John and the western world with a passion. He goes so far as to make John an offer he has a hard time refusing. Since John is now a national celebrity he gives John the choice of using his celebrity status to help with the next terrorist plot or be responsible for the death of thousands of innocents including Stephanie Savard his current relationship.”

“So John is a celebrity these days. It happened to me too, quite frankly. In this case, is it safe for him to make public appearances and handle the celebrity status?”

“John is the most well known person in the US. He has been the subject of the news since it became known the President wanted to recognize him. He saved thousands of lives and America is greatful. Unfortunately Jacobs’ people have tried to assinate John several times. He is now accompanied by heavly armed body guards.”

“Okay, so John has to choose between being Matt Jacobs’ stooge, or watching thousands of innocent people die. This includes his new love interest too. I swear, you authors are monsters. John is a lawyer using a leave of absence. Can’t he use the law to finally get to Matt Jacobs?”

“Unfortunately John is in no position to communicate with any legal authorities. He has been taken to a remote facility in Equador where Matt has arranged a radio broadcast designed to embarrass the President. He also wants John to fabricate information that will call into question the US role in the manipulation of word wide oil prices. The reason Matt hates John so much is John won a lawsuit years before against Matt Jacobs’ company which embarrassed Matt. Matt is undercover using his power and money to back the terrorists. John not only thwarted Matt’s first mission but unknowingly almost exposed this duplicate personality.”

“Craig wrote me a big assed gun. Maybe you should write one of those for John. I get that he’s just a normal guy, but he might need a little bit of help. Know what I’m sayin’?”

“I would love to do that but I would be afraid John would shoot himself in the foot. He is not your usual hero so I would be afraid of what he might do to himself. I have really enjoyed talking to you and hope we can do this again.”

“Oh no you don’t. I flew all the way down here, and have a few more questions. I’m a robot girl, and I like technology. Do you use a Mac or a PC? Do you make notes on a voice recorder? Can you program the microwave?”

“Ha ha ha. Let me take these one at a time. I use both a Mac and PC. Let me explain. I got a new Mac Pro for Christmas and am in the process of making the transition. I need to get MS Office installed and until I do I need to keep using the PC for my writing. I use the Mac for everything but my books. Once I install the Office suite I can go 100% Mac. I make notes on my iPhone. I also have college ruled notebooks for character and plot line notes. I can program a microwave.”

“Do you outline, or write by the seat of your pants?”

“The first thing I do is write the last three lines of the book. Once I have these last three lines I go back to the beginning and write by the seat of my pants. I enjoy letting the characters develop the story. I exercise editorial control over them to keep the story focused on those last three lines. I have found this method allows me to enjoy the story as I go along because as you can probably attest characters take on a life of their own.”

“Craig likes a cup of coffee, and silence when he writes. I can’t even turn on my hair dryer when he writes. Do you have any preferences when you write?”

“I like to write with music playing. I used to plug CDs into my computer and then write. I like music enough that the speakers on my computer left me a little dissatisfied. I went to a Bluetooth speaker and run music out of IHeart Radio. I find I can create nice mixes this way and I never have to change the CD. I try to write a thousand words a day before I turn to anything else. I used to do my personal and household stuff in the morning and then write in the afternoon. Well, I found that if I commit to a thousand words before I do anything else it works better. Now after three years my family knows I have to do the thousand before anything else. I don’t mind noise since when I’m in a zone not much can pull me away. I can see you are looking at your watch so I think you need to be somewhere. Again thank you and please thank Craig for allowing you to come for the interview. You mentioned the microwave earlier. I have to admit I do not know how to program that coffee machine over there. As you can see it is a little complex. I wonder if you would mind taking a look at it and give me some pointers on how to get it to work. The thought of a cup of coffee while writing sounds wonderful and I can’t think of anyone other than you who might have the skill to get it running”

“Well here’s the thing John. I know that machine and I think you ought to send it back. We have not been friends since the days in the assembly plant when it got the bright idea I would make a good coffee machine mama. I enjoyed the interview and now must fly out and back to Craig to file this interview”

ooooo00ooooo

Blurb

America loves John Cannon, its newest hero, and the President wants to present him with the highest civilian medal for bravery for saving the Annapolis midshipman from a terrorist plot to destroy them. While in Washington for the award ceremony, John unwillingly becomes an accomplice in another plan by the same group to attack the credibility of the US President and the stability of the worldwide oil market. There is no way out as John either becomes a traitor to America or causes thousands of innocent people to die if he refuses.

 

 

 

BIO

John’s main interests are reading and writing. He turned to writing as a full-time occupation after an extensive career in business. John writes fictional short stories and novels as well as a daily blog. His first novel, My GRL is available on Amazon and wherever e-books are sold. His second, His Revenge is just being launched and is available on Amazon and KDP Select.

John lives on a barrier island in the Gulf of Mexico off the coast of South Texas with his wife and spoiled rescue pets.

 

Purchase links

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US

UK

Canada

Social Links

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Amazon Author’s page

Martin Sisters Publishing

You Tube Link

 

Lisa Burton on The Experimental Notebook of C. S. Boyack

Hey Gang, Lisa the robot girl showed up at Karen’s place today to talk about my latest book. Please consider following both of Karen’s blogs while you’re over there. She always has interesting stuff.

My train of thoughts on...

Dear readers,

As you certainly have heard before, The Experimental Notebook of C. S. Boyack will be published and/or delivered on 2015-09-15!

This book is available for pre-order: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B014S2BA4U

You are certainly eager to learn more about the “Notebook”, therefore I invited Lisa Burton, my ‘Character of the Year 2014’ to tell us a little more about the book and her role in it.

You may know Lisa Burton from C. S. Boyack’s writing cabin (https://coldhandboyack.wordpress.com/) and from my flash fiction series Neighbors! (https://inasmallcompass.wordpress.com/). Lisa is an awesome detective (review: Wild Concept by C. S. Boyack), helping Sheriff Jim Burrell in Neighbors! to solve a strange mystery.

***

Hi Lisa, thank you for following my invitation to another chat. We would all love to hear about Craig’s latest work!

Hi, Karen, I’m so excited to be back here. Craig has me making the…

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