Another batch of Macabre Macaroni

The Halloween Pack

Nadine’s jaw fell open in disbelief. Sara Spears wrote her up for receiving a personal email. Her mother invited her over for Sunday dinner. It wasn’t like she invited the email. She watched Sara strut away from the cubicle, obviously congratulating herself for a job well done.

Several deep breaths later, Nadine awoke her computer from sleep-mode. Sara’s constant pacing the floor to make sure nobody looked at Facebook convinced her not to use company time to look for a new job.

Nadine’s coworkers ducked their heads and pretended to work. There was no hiding what happens in a cube farm. They all heard.

When lunchtime rolled around, Nadine grabbed a light jacket and walked to a corner bistro. Some fresh air, and a huge cup of their coffee might improve her outlook.

She took a chair at one of those outside, wire-mesh tables and waited for her half turkey sandwich. An alert banner lit up the screen of her phone. “The Halloween Pack. Free today only.”

It turned out to be one of those photo manipulation apps. It came with a bunch of Halloween themed stickers, green filters for faces, and more. If she didn’t like it, she could always delete it later.

She entered her data and gave the app permission to access her photos. She flipped through her pictures and stopped at those from the summer picnic. Nothing seemed to be good enough for photo manipulation.

“Excuse me, ma’am, were you the half turkey sand?” The waitress asked.

“Oh yes. Thank you.” The fresh bead smelled wonderful. They baked every morning here.

“Let me top off your coffee.” The girl filled her cup without waiting for a response.

This place has great food, a great setting, and great service. The people seem happy too. I wouldn’t mind working at a place like this, as long as I could make ends meet.

She took a bite of her sandwich, and looked across the street at the autumn leaves. Waves of fresh bread and avocado helped improve her mood.

She looked back at her phone. Time for Sara Spears to get hers. She was always strutting around, sticking her chest out, and looking down her nose. What a narcissistic bitch. Nadine found a photo on Sara’s Facebook page. One of those professional shots with Sara standing against the city skyline while the camera looked up at her with crossed arms like she owned the damned place.

A double chin wouldn’t do. Nadine used the graphic twice, and by sizing the sticker a bit, gave Sara a quadruple chin. She added a couple of feet to her hips until Sara looked like a pear. By the time the lunch hour ended, Sara looked like a mildly transparent, gelatinous, blue blob against the skyline. Oddly, she still looked exactly like herself.

Nadine poured herself into her work that afternoon. She would check out the job market tonight, but nobody was going to call her a slacker. It was nearly three o’clock when she looked up again.

She took a restroom break, but Sara was nowhere to be seen. On the way back to her desk, an arm shot out from the cubicle next to hers. “Sorry about what happened,” Aaron Davies said.

“No problem. Guess it was just my turn on her list. Where is she, anyway?”

“Went home. Said she didn’t feel well this afternoon. To tell you the truth, she didn’t look well either. She looked almost bloated and like her skin was turning blue. Hope there isn’t something going around. I have to umpire for the kids this weekend.”

Nadine stared off into space, and absently said, “Me too.”

After work, Nadine took the elevator down to the parking level. Helicopters roared overhead, then down the street toward the city. The sound of sirens echoed in the distance. She walked past her car to look toward town.

The streets were gridlocked. It would be hours before she could get home tonight. She thought of the little bistro, and returned to the elevator. She could wait out the gridlock there, save some gasoline, and enjoy some of their wonderful coffee.

She pulled her coat tighter as she wove between the stopped cars and crossed the street. The mid day temperatures dropped rapidly this time of year. She’d be taking an indoor table this time.

“Back again?” The waitress asked.

“Yeah. Figure it’s nicer here than waiting in my car. Just coffee this time.”

“On the house. I’ll call it a refill of the one you bought earlier.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Let’s see if there’s any news about what’s going on.” The waitress turned on a small television.

Images of helicopters filled the screen. Nadine hoisted the coffee to her nose and smelled the wonderful aroma. The news cut to a shot from one of the helicopters. A gigantic blue blob, nearly seventeen stories tall, rampaged through downtown. She sat her cup down and gripped the edge of the table with both hands.

The helicopter flew around the tower for a better angle. There was no mistaking Sara Spears’ face from the photo.

The monster had absorbed several cars, and one fire engine was clearly visible inside her. The flashing red lights filtered through the blue gelatin came out as purple. As the helicopter moved past, several wire tables appeared inside the monster, like the ones Nadine had lunch at. She spotted at least three people inside the blob too.

She grabbed for her phone. Maybe she could undo the manipulation and set things right. Sorry, your free trial has ended. You can buy the Halloween Pack…

Nadine deleted the app. The news kept running. Maybe it would take a second or two before things went back to normal. But they didn’t.

She opened the photograph. There was Sara, standing against the cityscape as a giant blue blob. The positioning of the photo made it look a bit like Sara was as tall as some buildings.

The news kept running as Sara moved on to the Shriner’s Hospital. Those poor people were about to be absorbed too.

Nadine held down the photo until the option bar appeared. She deleted the photograph.

The news image reacted almost immediately. Sara completely disappeared.

Those poor people inside the blob didn’t deserve this. Hell, even Sara didn’t deserve this. She was a horrible person, but this was beyond what she earned.

Nadine went to the App Store, maybe she could repeat the process, not modify the photo, and set things right. The Halloween Pack was nowhere to be found, like it never existed.

Ghostly murder on Lisa Burton Radio

Coming at you with one, point twenty-one jigawatts of power, all across the known galaxy and into the spiritual realms, this is Lisa Burton Radio, the only show out there that interviews the characters from the books you love. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and with me today is Finn McLachlan. He and his friend Cain have been observing some pretty unusual situations lately. “Welcome to the show, Finn.”

“Thanks, Lisa. When they said robot girl, I pictured a female C3PO or R2D2, which you’re so much not. Totally a good thing.”

“Thanks, Finn. My bio says you’re in high school and you have a girlfriend named Lindsey. What can you tell us about her?”

“Somebody crossed their wires, sweetheart. Lindsey is one massively cool girl, but she’s into Cain, my best friend, who’s currently trapped in the web of the reigning mean girl, Erin. I know, high school drama, right? He needs to grow a set and dump her, but the dude’s worried about hurting her feelings. Told him empty shells like her don’t have feelings. Lindsey’s the first girl I’ve met who might be worthy of him.”

“Wow, now that’s a best friend. So what kind of unusual situations have been going on?”

“I think my boy, Cain, is in trouble. Strange things are afoot at the Shannon home – namely in Cain’s bedroom and the attic – the door to the attic is in his room. Doors opening and closing on their own, writing in condensation on a mirror, his cat hissing and growling at things no one can see. And get this – the temperature was 90+ degrees outside, but he could see his breath in an attic with no air conditioning. But only in a certain corner of the room. Kind of creepy, right? I thought maybe Cain was just imagining things – I mean, the guy’s really into horror movies and books, so I thought he’d just had some nightmares you know? Guess I should have known he wasn’t that creative.

“So he got this idea to set up an old camcorder to record what went on in his room while he was sleeping, when a lot of the weird stuff has been happening – maybe get some proof. When he woke up the next morning, the camera was lying on the floor across the room, like someone – or something – had thrown it.”

“Okay, we discuss some weird situations on this show, but that’s pretty far out there.”

“Well, sweetheart, it’s about to get even weirder. We played back that video and saw the attic door open on its own, then the mattress dipped on his bed, like a person had sat on it. After a few seconds, his hair moved away from his face, like someone was running their fingers through it. Really freaky stuff. Next thing you know, clothes start flying off his bed, the camera gets knocked sideways, and the screen goes white, then to static. I worked with the recording, frame by frame, and that’s when we caught our first glimpse of Sarah, the ghost, vengeful banshee, or whatever you want to call her, who’s decided to make herself at home in Cain’s humble abode. After we talked with her – yeah, we actually spoke with a ghost – we kinda got the impression she wasn’t of the Casper variety, if you know what I mean.

“So, it turns out Lindsey’s Aunt Mona owns a metaphysical store down on King Street and she might possess a tad more than the normal five senses and could offer some help. And right now, she’s the only lifeline we’ve got.”

“Well — Maybe Aunt Mona can help exorcise Sarah somehow. Stranger things have happened.”

“Something’s got to happen soon, because we’ve already got a dead body –did I forget to mention that? Considering the guy’s head was nearly separated from his body, I’d say it wasn’t from natural causes.”

“Is there any connection to Sarah?”

“He’s one of three guys Sarah said was responsible for killing her. Cain and I warned the other two, but they think we’re making up all this ghostly vengeance stuff. Sarah seems stronger after murdering the first guy, and I bet she’s got something special planned for the other two. The girl’s got breathtaking anger management issues.”

“This is way off the beaten path. I think you guys should tell the authorities, and find some outside experienced help.”

“Seems like that would have been a logical step, right? Until Sarah threatened Cain’s family – and I consider his mom and sister just as much my family as his. Then there’s the weird way Cain’s been acting…but it’s probably nothing.”

“You can tell us Finn. It’s that kind of show. What’s on your mind?”

“Well…..Cain’s more of a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of guy and stays away from the spotlight, but lately it seems like….maybe he’s not completely Cain. Say there’s a chance, before Sarah got stronger, she needed a little help with her killings to-do list. It could make someone wonder. Someone who doesn’t know him like I do.”

“Oh my God! Have you told him? What are you going to do?”

“I’m thinking something along the lines of ghostly possession intervention. If that’s not a thing, it should be.”

“I think you should tell him, but you need to make sure it’s really him you’re talking to. I don’t know if that means daylight, hallowed ground, or just away from the house, but he needs to know.”

“He may not believe me, but it’s time to lay all the cards on the table. We need to know everything we’re up against and then make a game plan. I’ll give Sarah the fight of her miserable, undead life before I let her hurt Cain or anyone else I care about.”

“Oh I’m so sorry. Too bad you can’t just call in Hellboy or someone to take care of it all. I really feel for you guys, and wish you the best of luck. We’re about out of time. Do you have any final comments for our listeners today?”

“Totally off topic, but how do you feel about younger men? Is the whole dating a human thing frowned upon as a general rule or is that more of just a guideline? I’m single, you know. I’ll give you a call if I live through this.”

“I’m flattered, Cain, but I’m totally into my career right now. I’m sure there are some nice girls in you’re hometown who would appreciate a local hero.

“If you want to find out what happens to Finn, Cain, and Lindsey, pick up the book, Sarah, by Teri Polen. I’ll include all the important deets on the website. Help me keep the lights on around here by using those sharing buttons, I’m sure Finn and Teri would appreciate it, and would do it for you when your character appears on the show.

“If you’d like one of your characters to appear on Lisa Burton Radio, drop me a line. I’m always looking for guests. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

***

Book Blurb:

 

Seventeen-year-old horror fan Cain Shannon thought helping a ghost find her killers would be the supernatural adventure of a lifetime. Now, he just hopes to survive long enough to protect his family and friends from her.

A bet between friends goes horribly wrong, resulting in Sarah’s death. When she returns to seek justice against those responsible, Cain agrees to help her. But when he discovers Sarah has been hijacking his body, he realizes she wants retribution instead of justice.

Terrified of what could have happened when he wasn’t in control, Cain commands Sarah to leave his house – but exorcising her isn’t that easy. She retaliates against her murderers in bloody, horrific ways, each death making her stronger, then sets her sights on Cain. With the help of friends, Cain fights to save himself and his loved ones and searches for a way to stop Sarah before she kills again.

 

Purchase Links: Amazon Barnes & Noble Black Rose Writing

Teri Polen reads and watches horror, sci-fi, and fantasy. The Walking Dead, Harry Potter, and anything Marvel-related are likely to cause fangirl delirium. She lives in Bowling Green, KY with her husband, sons, and black cat. Sarah, a YA horror/thriller, is her first novel. Visit her online at www.teripolen.com

Contact Links:

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Welcome to John Howell and his newest book

John Howell is a regular participant here. He’s regularly in the comments on my posts, and has sent characters to appear on Lisa Burton Radio twice. His new book “Our Justice” is on pre-sale until September 23rd. This is the third book in the John Cannon series, and I had the honor of being a beta reader on this one. It’s a great story, and readers are in for a treat.

I know from experience the early sales really help with Amazon’s algorithm, so reserve your copy today. There is still time to read the first two before Our Justice delivers. Let’s hand the time over to John.

 

Introducing the third book in the John J. Cannon Trilogy – Our Justice Click to go to Amazon Blurb The terrorist leader and financier Matt Jacobs has figured out a way to eliminate the President. He is relying on John Cannon’s stature as a hero to help him carry it off. John finds himself walking the fine line of pretending to help Matt while trying to figure out a countermeasure to the plan. The action begins with John fearing for his life. Clearly, whoever is trying to get him has a mission to accomplish and the elimination of John is at the top of the to-do list. The quest to survive takes John and his love, Stephanie from the beaches of Port Aransas to West Virginia and finally to Matt Jacob’s corporate headquarters at the Embarcadero Center in San Francisco. There John finally understands what he needs to do to protect both he and Stephanie from further mayhem. The third book in the John J. Cannon Trilogy brings together two strong wills for a showdown. The question to be answered is who will feel the satisfaction that the achievement of justice delivers? John, Matt or neither? Our Justice is available on Amazon and KDP now in e-book format for preorder at $2.99 with shipments starting on September 23^rd. The paper edition will be available on Amazon September 23^rd at $14.99. Here is the link for pre-order of the e-book https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LDFM9WM?ref_=pe_2427780_160035660 Excerpt. I see out of the corner of my eye that Ned is on the phone. Hopefully, he’s calling in reinforcements since it looks like the SUV is gaining on us. Just as the rear window of the Focus blows inward, he finishes the call. Hundreds of pieces of glass hit Ned and me. Luckily, it’s shatterproof stuff, so we’re mostly okay cut wise. Ned crouches down and fires three quick shots with his 9MM. In the mirror, the SUV swerves to the left and almost explodes after it rams a parked car. “Stop,” Ned yells. I slam on the brakes, which nearly tosses Ned through the windshield. “For shit’s sake, I don’t have a seatbelt on, junior, so take it easy. Just stop and turn around.” Author BIO John’s main interests are reading and writing. He turned to writing as a full-time occupation after an extensive career in business. John writes fictional short stories and novels as well as a daily blog. His first novel, My GRL is available on Amazon and wherever e-books are sold. His second, His Revenge is available on Amazon and KDP Select. John lives on a barrier island in the Gulf of Mexico off the coast of South Texas with his wife and spoiled rescue pets. Other places. Blog Fiction Favorites – http://johnwhowell.com/ Facebook– https://www.facebook.com/john.howell.98229241 Twitter –https://www.twitter.com/HowellWave Authors db –http://www.authorsdb.com/authors-directory/6604-john-w-howell LinkedIn –http://www.linkedin.com/pub/john-w-howell/48/b59/462/ Google +https://plus.google.com/+JohnHowellAuthor/ Goodreads –https://www.goodreads.com/johnwhowell/ Amazon Author’s page –https://www.amazon.com/author/johnwhowell Martin Sisters Publishing –Http://www.martinsisterspublishing.com

 

Hoist the colors, on Lisa Burton Radio

 

Arrrrgh, maties, hoist the mainsail and get ready for some serious pirating. This is Lisa Burton Radio, and we’re about to sail the seven seas for adventure. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl.

Today’s show is sponsored by The Razor’s Adventures Pirate Tales, by P. S. Bartlett and specifically, AMBER WAKE – Gabriel Falling by P.S. Bartlett and Ronovan Hester.

Our guest is Gabriel Wallace, but he’s also known as Rasmussen “Big Red” Bergman. Isn’t that cool?

“Welcome to the show, Big Red, or would you prefer something else?”

“Hello lass. Please call me Rasmus or Razz. I’m pleased to join you, although I’ve no idea what a radio is.”

“Razz it is then. My bio says you were a Captain in the Royal Navy. That’s kind of a big deal. How the heck does someone with all that going for them become a pirate?”

“Well, that’s easier to answer than one might think. I was betrayed, maligned and stripped of my rank as well as my commission in the Royal Navy, by a corrupt and unscrupulous Admiral. Plainly put; I was set up for a fall. Corruption runs rampant in His Majesty’s Navy and by the time I realized the deck was stacked against me, I was out on my arse. Fortunately, my first mate, Miles Jacobs, and my loyal crew, stood by me and picked me up. Yes, I suffered personal loss and intimate damage at their hands as well. That is for them to regret and I saw to it that they regretted it just as intimately.”

“Oh Razz, that’s terrible. So the whole thing sounds to me like you were made a scapegoat, and your family paid the price for that. To get your revenge, it sounds like you not only took up piracy, you made a complete identity change too. What can you tell us about that process?”

“Hmmm… I’m still not completely comfortable with the term, pirate. Most think of pirates and believe they are searching for treasure or making their living by robbing merchant ships and relieving Spanish ships of their gold. Most do. I have no interest in gold or fortune. My interests are solely invested in righting wrongs. If bad people get hurt in the process, I’d say that is their reward for getting in the way of justice. I pirate for better reasons if that makes sense.

“However, finding one’s self on the opposite side of law, regardless of the reasons, will change even the most dedicated and dignified man. Then again, perhaps they aren’t changes at all but rather characteristics that were suppressed or even consciously tucked away waiting for the right moment to emerge. Rasmus was a necessary evolution if I was going to be able to conceal my identity in order to complete my mission and by the end of the book, I was indeed more Rasmus than Gabriel.”

“Pirating sounds like a fun time. Sailing around, looking for buried treasure, the freedom to go wherever you want. Tell us a little about the lifestyle.”

“What in God’s name sort of stories have ye been reading lass? Sailing around? No. We always have a mission. Sailing to us is not recreation, it’s a way to get from one place to another, and getting there in one piece depends on skill and experience—not to mention the will of God’s oceans not to kill ye. Second, sacking other ships for profit is a pirate’s line of work. I’ve sacked ships to keep my crew alive and to pay back those who’ve wronged me. Every day we look death in the face and keep going. Every night we chart the stars and follow the moon. It isn’t romantic to open a man’s belly with your sword or shoot someone who’s trying to take your ship. It is however sometimes necessary to preserve your freedom and protect your mates. We’re a floating society with our own set of rules. Follow the rules or face your punishment. Should you violate the code, you can’t beg for mercy since you voted on those rules and chose to break them. I also haven’t searched nor found any treasure yet…at least not in this book.”

“It sounds almost like a mini senate where everyone gets to vote on what the next project is. That’s kind of cool. If I want to become a pirate how do I go about that. Is there an application and interview process?”

“Haha! There’s an interview process alright. Can ye sail? Have ye ever tarred the decks or sewn sails or climbed the rat lines and walked the yards? I’m not sure what “kind of cool” means but being a sailor, especially a pirate, isn’t all drinking and singing shantys on the deck in the sun. It’s hard work ye see. Nobody really sets out wanting to be pirate. The food aboard ship is mostly awful. There’s danger over every horizon and men die out there, lass. Many men go on account to escape the brutal, slave-like treatment they’re subjected to aboard merchant ships, which accounts for most pirate crews. These are men who’ve been beaten and half-starved I’m speaking of.

“For example: a pirate ship takes a merchant ship at sea and offers the lads a chance to create their own destiny. “Sign here!” they say, and freedom is yours!

“I of course didn’t get my start that way but my crew and I are the exception. We took a ship of the Royal Navy and sailed off through smoke and gun fire. We became pirates by fate, not for any of the reasons most men do. I have to admit, though, the freedom to lead your own life and have respect amongst your mates is something worth fighting for. Freedom doesn’t come free. Ye have to fight and work for it every day. However, once ye have it, it’s hard as hell to let it go.”

“When you explain it that way, I’m surprised there aren’t more pirates. We have a caller, do you mind if we take a question?”

“Ye have my full attention, lass.”

“Hello, caller, you’re on the air with Lisa Burton and Razz. What is your question?”

“Well hello there, Captain Bergman. It’s been quite some time since I’ve had the privilege. Hello to you Miss Lisa, I’m Maddox Carbonale.”

“Well I’ll be damned.”

“If you ask me, it’s too late to blame that on me old friend. So, how have you been….since, well, your run in with the Royal Navy?”

“Ye should have stayed for the show, Carbonale. You missed the finale.”

“Damn it’s good to hear your voice again but then, I knew our paths would cross sooner or later. Shall we regale the young lass with tales of our tavern brawls or shall we discuss the time you forced me into hand to hand combat with a crewman?”

“Ahhhh…here he goes! Watch out lass. Mister Carbonale loves to toot his own horn about his conquests. What if we discuss your other conquests, Maddox? You know, your pension for the young wives of Admirals? Now there’s a story worth telling. Ha ha.”

“Captain, I’m sure it would not be polite to discuss such scandal in front of a lady. By the way Miss Lisa, do you ever get down the Caribbean? I could show you around and of course, I have only the most honorable of intentions.”

“Lass, if ye believe that story I’ve got a tale for ye about the time I met a mermaid off the coast of Jamaica! Oh, Maddox, you’ll never change and I hope to God ye don’t my friend. I might not miss your fashion and flowery scent preferences but you and your pretentious ways definitely made our time together interesting. I have missed you old friend.”

“Well boys, it sounds like the life of a character is anything but simple.”

“I would like to bring up how conflicting it was being tossed back and forth between Madam Bartlett and Mister Hester. As you know Captain, it was quite confusing and undignified at times having words put into our mouths and then yanked out as if we had no say what so ever.”

“Oh Maddox will you ever stop with your belly aching over this book having been co-written? They did the best they could and imagine how difficult it was for me? Missus Bartlett had written us both before in her other books and Mister Hester only knew of us what she’d written. I was a whole other person—literally, going into this book. Of course there was going to be a bit of a tug of war. You survived it so shut your port hole and be grateful for all of these five star reviews we’re all getting.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re in three of Bartlett’s novels. I’m still waiting for the sequel to The Blue Diamond. Ivory and I have quite a bit of…unfinished business shall we say?”

“Don’t make me come and hunt you down Carbonale. As of right now, she’s still my wife.”

“Oh let us confuse the bloody hell out of this poor woman shall we? Do you all see now what I must put up with?”

“Yeah boys, I get it. In my story I got electrocuted, shot, partially disabled, and had all kinds of hardware problems. It’s a tough old business, but we wind up having a little fun along the way too.

“Say boys, robot girls everywhere would like to meet the Dread Pirate Roberts. Do either of you– Sorry, got a little conflict in my software. Do either of you know him?”

“The Dread Pirate who?”

“He’s the peculiar and sort of swishy fellow from that movie The Princess Bride. You see, Lisa, Razz isn’t as worldly as I, although he’s well-read and has an equal level of education. However —

“I know who he is and I’m not impressed. I won’t deny he could handle and sword but all that romance and fancy talk…well, let’s just say a true man of the sea knows who his true lady love is.”

“There’s no hope for the man, Miss Lisa. Captain Bergman, perhaps it’s time you set a course for Demons and Pearls and have yourself reminded of a few or those fancy words. I do believe you’ll find another lady of equal temperament to the sea you so adore, waiting for that shaggy red melon atop your shoulders to rock your boat a bit…although upon my life I am yet to understand what she saw in you. But alas, I’ll be several books ahead, awaiting my opportunity to sail away on that same tumultuous, daring, deep blue eyed, bonny sun kissed and unpredictable sea.”

“Watch it, Carbonale. You never know when I could show up again and turn that voyage bottoms up. However, I accept your challenge and any other that presents itself to me—be it a hurricane or a female.”

“Oh I have no doubt we’ll meet again man to man. As a matter of fact, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Thanks for being on the show today, boys. Make sure you eat your limes now. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

***

I included the purchase links at the beginning of the show. You can connect with these authors at the following locations:

P. S. Bartlett:

Website: http://psbartlett.me/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PSBartlett

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PSBartlett

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7012732.P_S_Bartlett

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/peggystankiewicz/

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/psbartlett214/

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/P.S.-Bartlett/e/B00CP4PF4U/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

 

Ronovan Hester:

RonovanHester.com.

That was one weird night

Old What’s Her Face* and I went to The Maze Runner last night. She really liked it, I didn’t. Don’t get on me for not reading the book. I know the book’s always better.

Too much of it just didn’t make sense. The maze changes every night, but one kid can always find his way around with no problem. He even has a complete map. But it changes every night!!

Introduce a hot girl into a tribal group of boys and there isn’t a bit of sexual tension. That just isn’t realistic to me.

Then there’s the whole withholding of information trick. It’s a great suspense method. The sub rule is that character A has to have a reason to withhold information from character B. We spent the whole first half of the movie not telling the hero mundane things that strain my brain. Enough of that for now. Decide for yourselves. I think Mila Jovovich with some guns would have improved the film.

I wanted to be funny, so I plugged my iPhone in like I always do. Then I said “Hey Siri.” When she activated, I said, “Goodnight.” Siri wished me a goodnight. My wife wasn’t amused.

I heard some strange bird trilling all night long right outside my bedroom window. I suspected a Western Screech Owl. I ran from window to window, because I wanted to see it. They’re cute birds.

I never saw it, and it was up in my tree somewhere. It was night time, so this is no surprise. The odd part was others answering back around our neighborhood. I could hear them about a block or more away, in different directions. I know there were at least three. I think it’s all cool. I also like the spring frogs and occasional coyotes.

I went to sleep and Siri took her revenge. I dreamt that she kept telling me someone crawled through my bathroom window. I went back to sleep and she told me someone crawled through the bedroom window. I’ll get the last laugh and write this into a story someday. Thanks, Siri.

When I woke up this morning I googled sounds for the Western screech owl. I was right. You can check them out here. I have half a mind to stay up with my iPad and play the sounds in the back yard, just to see if I can get a look at him/her.

* Not my wife’s actual name.