Lisa Burton Radio exists to help authors promote their books to a new audience. This spot has worked well for over a year now, but we need guests to keep it going. Here is a little data about how it works, and some past posts to browse to see what you’re getting into.
Tell your friends, maybe one of them needs a place to post.
Drop me a line at coldhand (dot) boyack (at) gmail (dot) com. Let Lisa promote your books for you.
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“Welcome to a special edition of Lisa Burton Radio. We run these out every once in a while, when I find myself without a guest. This time, it worked out to my advantage, but I never planned it that way.
“At the time of this broadcast, I’m working with Sean Harrington to make promotional posters for The Yak Guy Project. We already have some cool ones for The Enhanced League. I’m super excited to share these with you, but we have to wait for Craig to get some things accomplished.
“On episodes of Dear Lisa, I answer listener questions on the air, and today we have some doozies. Let’s get to the mail.”
Dear Lisa,
My dad ran over all my video games with his lawnmower! What a jerk. Just because I’m 30 years old and still live at home with no job, he thinks it’s okay to destroy my stuff. I have a good mind to– Well, anyway, I’m writing to you for advice. I plan to play video games professionally. That’s a job, right? How can make my parents understand?
Signed,
Frustrated in Farmington
“Wow, sorry to hear about that, Frustrated. It’s tough when your stuff gets ruined. You might want to assess why your father feels so strongly about your situation. After a bit of deep thought, you should probably have an adult conversation with him about it too.
“In an attempt to be ever helpful, I Googled the information for you. You know you can do this yourself, don’t you? It appears there are professional video game players. This is a world of competitions and prize money. Many of them supplement their income by filming practice sessions and selling access to view them. So I have to admit that it’s possible.
“Oh, and you might want to read The Yak Guy Project when Craig gets around to publishing it. It’s about a guy who’s a lot like you.
“The bigger picture is a man your age living at home, and not getting on with his life. Every person out there has a dream beyond their current reality. I’d like to be a super heroine, and I have the onboard equipment to pull it off too. It doesn’t appear to pay all that well though, and robot girls need things. See, a real job pays for things.
“For every wanna be fashion model there’s a barista. For every Major League Baseball player, there’s an Uber driver. Go for your dreams, but don’t forget to live a life while you’re at it. Craig would like to write full-time, but he keeps a paycheck job to cover the house payment and keep food on the table. Go get that first job and that first apartment. Then use your spare time to work on your gaming.
Let’s look at our next letter.
Dear Lisa,
My two sons drive me insane with their constant bickering. Between you and me, my eldest, Nathan, starts it. He thinks he’s the cat’s meow, and he never misses a chance to smear his good looks in poor Robbie’s face. He’s my baby. Such a wonderful boy, too, with straight A’s and on the honor roll every year. Nathan, on the other hand, has girls in and out of his room at all hours. He doesn’t think I know, but I do. I even slip condoms into his leather jacket. Lord knows if he ever uses them. At my tender age, I can’t be a grandmother! Ahem. Excuse me. My question is, how do I stop the rivalry between them? It’s not Robbie’s fault he wasn’t born with more brains than brawn.
Signed,
Desperate in Dakota
“Gee, Desperate, you don’t sound desperate. I get some frustrations and a lot of emotions toward both of your sons, but no desperation.
“They’re different people, and have to approach life differently. Find a way to encourage their talents and protect them from life’s pitfalls. The condom idea is good, but you can’t make him use them. Do what you can. Remember, Robbie may need them too. He might just be a little more discrete about things.
“I may be able to introduce Nathan to some romance authors. They might find a job for him.
“Oh, and as far as being a grandmother goes, if you were old enough to make a baby, and that baby is now capable of having sex, then yeah, you are. Buy some grandma pants, get a short perm, and get over it.
“Finally we have a letter from someone who wants to know how to get the most out of Lisa Burton Radio when their character is on the show. Okay, I made that part up, but it’s good data.
“First, be present. You’re going to get comments, and even some reblogs. You need to respond to those comments. You should probably visit the sites of those who shared the broadcast and thank them on their own page. It could turn out to be a good contact for you, you might find an incredible new blog to follow, plus you can help raise that blogger’s stats a bit.
“Second, share the post. Reblog it on your own site. Put it out on every social media you have, and not just on the day it posts. I see some tweeting out their interview a year after it was live. Make people like your characters, and they may want to read more, but only if they know about it. Feel free to use the #LisaBurtonRadio hashtag. That benefits me, and it costs you nothing.
“Third, come back. The broadcast usually gets comments for three or four days. You don’t have to live here, but don’t make a potential fan feel like you dismissed them.
“That’s it for our mailbox, but I have a bit more. I need guest characters to keep the show running. We aren’t exclusive to any particular genre, and have covered a broad swath around here. We even branched out into kidlit in the past month.
“Send me your jilted lovers, your dark lords, your heroes and heroines. Minions, I’ve never had a minion on the show, and that would be cool. It’s easy to do, and you might reach a bunch of new readers. Simply drop an email to coldhand (dot) boyack (at) gmail (dot) com, and let me know what you have in mind.
“I’ll be back after I finish modeling, and a few vacation days. I have access to email, and will help you out even if I’m not at the writing cabin.
“Remember, not only do I need guests, I’ll need letters for the Dear Lisa episodes too. If you don’t have a character, or if you’re not quite ready to promote, you can always send me a letter to answer on the air. It’s the same email address, and I’ll save it for Dear Lisa Volume Four.
“Thanks for tuning in. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”
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Hey, hipsters, Lisa Burton the robot girl here, and today we’re doing something fun. I don’t have a guest to interview, so we’re holding another episode of Dear Lisa. This is where I flip through some of the fan mail, and answer it on the air. Stick with me, it’ll be fun.
Our first letter comes from Long Island and wants to know what my first job was.
I try really hard to be just as human as everyone else, but admit that I’m a little different. I was created in a concept lab as both a promotional tool, and to demonstrate what the future of robotics could hold. Part of the bargain was to plant me into society and see how I adapt as a human. Some people are nervous nellies, and were terrified that I’d go all Skynet on them. That meant the police department was the only place they’d let me work. They were better equipped to watch over me, so to speak.
At the Hudson Police Department, I was assigned to the homicide squad. My absolute very first job was to make a Vice sweep. It’s kind of a hazing slash welcome to the department kind of thing. I caught some perps too. The night ended early when we got a call about a body someone found.
This next one is kind of sad, and I’m going to read it so you get the gist of it.
Dear Lisa,
Lately my boyfriend is always showing up late. He tells me football practice ran late, but I’ve got my doubts. I’ve also noticed him checking out my fellow cheerleaders when he comes to pick me up. I’m afraid if I confront him, he’ll leave me. He’s the most popular boy in school. I can’t lose him. What should I do?
Signed,
Heartbroken in High School
This is something I can really sink my teeth into, and there are a couple of ways to answer you. Since it’s my show, I’m going to do both. You can’t hack into his phone and computer, like I can. You can try taking a look at his phone when he’s at practice. You might find all kinds of evidence on social media, text messages, those kind of places. There are any number of small drones you can use to see what he’s up to when you’re out of sight too. That seems simple enough, but may not be the best option.
The second part of this answer is that you seem to need him to establish your own value. The only way you described him is how popular he is. You didn’t tell me anything about him except that he plays football and is popular. No mention of his cute smile, or how he makes you feel. You need to find a way to feel valuable without him. When you’ve done that, he might be an asset. Without your own feeling of self worth, you’ll never be stable in the relationship.
The last one for today is from Yukon, Canada. This person wants to know why Bunny is so important to me.
For new people, Bunny is my pet rabbit. He and I have a lot of similarities. He is a genetically modified organism, I have GMO human skin covering my chassis. My original experiment involved me being broken down into my component parts at the end to study for wear and tear. Bunny is a Kansas City Broiler, and he was going to be broken down into his component parts too.
I rescued Bunny and saved him from the butcher shop, and in doing so he inspired me to save myself. I found my own self worth, and decided not to be broken down at the end of my experiment. It was a struggle, and I suffered some real loss. Bunny and I got through it together, and we stay together through thick and thin.
That was fun, and we should do it again some time. In order to do it, I need your fan mail. You can drop me a comment here on the blog, Facebook me, or send me an email. I’ll hang onto the the questions for a future edition of Dear Lisa.
This broadcast is primarily for me to interview characters from the books you love to read. I’m in need of characters again too. I have a few questionnaires out in cyberspace somewhere, but nothing broadcast ready right now. Authors, send me your protagonists, your colorful supporting characters, even your antagonists. I’d love to help promote their books. Return visits aren’t just allowed, they’re encouraged.
If you aren’t an author, you can still send a question for me to answer. You can also tell someone about Lisa Burton Radio by using the sharing buttons below. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. Have a great day.
***
Lisa can be reached at coldhand (dot) boyack (at) gmail (dot) com, on Facebook, or in the comments.
Filed under Lisa Burton Radio
Hi gang,
Lisa Burton here. I'm Craig's personal assistant, and the spokesmodel for his writing career. If you're into labels, I'm also a robot.
Craig went camping this weekend, and doesn't know whether he can find an Internet connection or not. I expect him to post some photos if he gets a signal. He told me to post something, just in case. I think he's afraid of you forgetting about him.
I'm not the kind to wait around to see if Craig has a signal. I'm posting anyway. I can always flutter my eyes and say Oops later.
That means, I can post anything I want, and I want to appeal to the fictional characters out there. You know how it is. You lose friends, your get your heart broken, and when everything fails you actually save the Galaxy. Maybe you finally get the girl. Maybe some of you get some sort of redemption.
And after all the blood, sweat, and tears, or in my case damaged parts, do you get to spend any time with the heroine? Noooo. You're kicked to the curb in favor of new characters in a new story. Or sometimes told you have to do it all over again in a sequel.
It's time to speak up. Let those authors know that you have a few good miles left in you. You're the reason people read these books in the first place. Tell your authors to let you market the books too.
How do you go about this? Contact me and let's set up an interview. I have this show called Lisa Burton Radio. I interview characters and let you say whatever you want. Tell us about your journey, your hopes, your fears. What are your dreams for the future?
Now I know authors aren't going to go for this unless there's something in it for them. That's why I post cover art, photos, bios, blurbs, and even social media contacts at the end of every show. Purchase links are a must with authors.
If your author needs a little nudge, there's a page at the top of this blog that will give a bit more information. That link has an email address in it. If your author still wants to research, there is a link to all the shows in the sidebar. It filters the posts down to all Lisa Burton Radio broadcasts so far. I'll make it easy, this is the link to previous shows. Make your author check a few of them out.
To help authors out, Craig makes me cross post to two different Facebook accounts, Flipboard, Stumbleupon, and Twitter. I tweet them out multiple times on the day they post, then randomly tweet them out for weeks afterward. I even have my own hashtag, #LisaBurtonRadio. Maybe this can be one stop on a blog tour to promote your story.
Call me
Make your author let you out. Maybe revisiting your journey will earn you a short story, or another novel. It worked for me.
I'm a big believer in treating everyone equally. That hasn't always happened to me, and I try to be nice to everyone. It doesn't matter if you're an alien, a forest elf, dead, an antagonist, or a talking animal. Everyone is welcome here. I've interviewed dark overlords, goblins, serial killers, and even shudder a lawyer. I'm not afraid.
Have your author talk to my author. Let's do this.
Welcome to another edition of Lisa Burton Radio. This is your host, Lisa the robot girl, with a show that’s a bit different today.
These interviews have gotten really popular, and I’m getting a lot of verbal commitments for future shows. What I’m not getting is action on those commitments. Because of this, I don’t have a guest this week.
I’ve hosted pirates, goblins, ghosts, spies, superheroes, a serial killer, even a lawyer. I have a hunch your characters will fit right in.
This show may be the only character based interview slot on the entire internet. Fiction authors should consider sending me a character to interview. I’m willing to include purchase links, cover art, and bios.
Today, I’m going to do what some of the morning show jocks do and call someone up. While I’m connecting, I’ll make my sponsor C. S. Boyack. He’s my author and writes science fiction, paranormal, and fantasy tales. Here we go.
“Hello. What do you want?”
“Is this Clovis?”
“Yeah. How did you get this number?”
“I’m Lisa the robot girl. I have all the numbers.”
“That chick from the writing cabin?”
“Yes. You’re on the air right now with Lisa Burton Radio.”
“Why?”
“Well, I need a guest and thought of you. How’s my car?”
“Ha, the GTO is fine, but I don’t remember it being yours.”
“It should have been. I asked Craig to let me make a poster with it, but he said it was to obvious. What have you been doing since The Playground wrapped up?”
“Just living the good life. I’m down here in – well let’s just say I’m out in the boondocks.”
“Did you ever meet back up with that special lady?”
“Kind of. We see each other on weekends. Sometimes she comes out to the bait and tackle shop, sometimes I go to town now that the heat’s off.”
“Are you fitting in with your neighbors?”
“I am now. There were a couple of young guys who thought they could rob my till and steal my beer. They weren’t as tough as they thought. Screamed like little girls once I attached the snapping turtles.”
“That’s terrible.”
“Actually, it was pretty funny. They danced around like Michael Jackson trying to shake them off. The dog thought they were playing and knocked them down.”
“How is that stupid dog?”
“Stupid.”
“He ate my bathing suit you know.”
“That’s what I heard. He means well, but doesn’t always understand.”
“I love animals, so I forgive him. Have you seen any paranormal stuff since you got there?”
“It isn’t as common as you think. I still have that pain-in-the-butt doctor’s card if I ever do. It’s in the car somewhere. I’ve seen some crap, so I know it’s out there. In fact, I’d like to get a rematch with that Morley dude.”
“I don’t see that happening any time soon. He only comes around when someone is going to die.”
“So if I bump off one of those knuckleheads do you think he’d show up?”
“That’s terrible. You’re supposed to be retired and living the good life.”
“Life’s good, but a man still needs to let off steam every now and then.”
“Maybe you can sign up for one of those boot camp kind of programs.”
“I already did that, in the Marines. I don’t see any reason to do it again.”
“It sounds like you’re doing okay. The bait and tackle shop is open again, the car and dog are in good shape, and you have a budding relationship.”
“It’s okay, but retirement’s kind of boring. Maybe I’ll load up Justine and the dog and head down to Mexico for a week.”
“Don’t get into any trouble.”
“Me? I’m the poster boy of caution. If there’s any trouble it’ll be Justine or the dog causing it.”
“Alright, thanks for visiting with us today. Any last words?”
“Yeah. Lose this number.”
“Can’t. Craig makes me keep all of them. He says you never know if someone will return in a story. It happened to me, and it kind of livened things up.”
“Oh yeah? Tell him to send me into one of those schools some asshole decides to shoot up. I’ll bet those guys aren’t nearly as tough as they think they are. They think they’re persecuted now, wait until I get done with them.”
“I, um. I don’t want to know. Bye now.”
Clovis is one of three main characters in The Playground, and he’s not someone to trifle with. If you want to know more about him, I’ll include a purchase link.
I need guests to keep this show going. Authors, drop us a line at Coldhand (dot) Boyack (at) gmail (dot) com and get your characters on the show. I’m really good about tweeting it out all day, sharing it on two Facebook sites, Flipboard, and Stumbleupon. I also tweet them out randomly on Fridays. That’s pretty decent promotion for the cost of free. Come visit with me.
Even if you don’t have a character ready for the show, maybe one of your writer friends does. Please share this post and let them know.
***
The Playground is a paranormal tale, set in the style of Frank Miller and Quentin Tarantino. It includes a bit of science fiction, but it’s the kind we might actually have next week.
Told from the point of view of three different characters in alternating stories, the threads all tie together at the end.
Why not read a sample, or check it out on Amazon Unlimited for free. Here is the purchase link http://a-fwd.com/asin=B01D6EF6RI
***
Get your characters on the show. Let readers know how awesome they really are. Use the sharing buttons below and let your friends know about this opportunity. Feel free to use the hashtag #LisaBurtonRadio.
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I'm bringing a new feature to this blog. I don't often pander for social media shares and re-blogs, but tomorrow is the day. Not this post, tomorrow's post. Do what you will with this one, it's just the announcement.
The best way to explain it is by telling you how it went down.
***
I got to the writing cabin Monday, and determined to add new words to The Yak Guy Project. I parked the gyrocoper in the basement, and stomped upstairs. Lisa, my robotic assistant, was nowhere to be found.
I typed away, and at least she'd made coffee before she went shopping. My thought process was interrupted by the sound of heavy equipment. When I looked outside, I saw a tree topple in the forest.
The meadow looked safe enough, not a mammoth in sight, so I walked down to see what the commotion might be.
Lisa was back-dragging the bucket of the tractor we used in Will O' the Wisp. it looked like she'd made some sort of building pad. When she saw me she climbed down, grinning from ear to ear.
“What the hell's going on here? I didn't authorize any construction.”
“You're going to love it. You wrote the short story about the radio station, right?”
“Yeah, so.”
“I get to keep the swag from all my artwork projects with Sean Harrington. I'm having the old Airstream delivered here.”
“Why? Isn't the cabin big enough for you?”
“The cabin's great. This is your next big adventure.” She made a very Vanna White style gesture at the building pad.
“Yeah… I don't get it.”
“Lisa Burton Radio. Isn't it cool.”
“No, not really.”
Then this happened:
“Look here. You made me the spokesmodel for Entertaining Stories, and all that goes with it. I've worked really hard to live up to my role, and this is a good idea. What's that stupid saying you've been uttering, 'If you run with the herd, you get what the herd gets?' This idea steps away from the herd, it's unique.”
I tried to calm down. I don't think she'd ever get violent, but she's a lot stronger than I am. “What exactly is Lisa Burton Radio?”
“That's a better attitude.” She placed her hands on her hips. “I can interview characters from various stories on my show. My spots have gotten really popular, and maybe some authors would like to book their characters on my show.”
“So we would invite characters to my writing cabin, my sanctuary?”
“No. It's a call in show. They can be from anywhere, and still call in. I found a few old story elements in the basement, and after I hook them up, they can call from the future, the past, or Hell itself if they want.”
“Creepy.”
“It's not creepy. Characters carry the story, and you know it. Characters can sell the story too. Maybe people would like to hear from them outside the covers of their books.”
“So are we going to sit around and wait for people to contact us?”
“Hardly, I'm stacking the deck to make sure we get off the ground. I already contacted some of your friends, and they're all on-board for this.”
“Huh, maybe it isn't such a bad idea after all. I mean if other authors think it's a good idea–“
“It's a great idea. Now I have to string wire up to that peak.” She pointed off to the nearest mountain. “That's where the antenna will go.”
“Who's doing all that work?”
“I am. I can carry a roll of wire like you can carry a roll of toilet paper. I'm not edible, so I'm not worried about the wildlife.”
“Why Lisa Burton Radio? It should have a fancy name, like Character Promo Radio.”
“That's terrible. It's Lisa Burton Radio for SEO purposes. Maybe you can get some search engines to pick up the show. Then it benefits you as well as the other authors.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“That's the beauty of this. I'll take care of it and you can just write.” She turned back to her building pad. “In fact why don't you go do some writing right now. The old trailer will be here this afternoon, and I want to have the place ready for it.”
“Fine, but don't think I'm not putting this in my blog.”
***
There you have it. The veil is off my super secret project, and there are some really fun guests lined up. In order to make this work, I need people to share it across social media. Tomorrow is the first broadcast, and we'll take all the tweets, shares, reblogs, and whatever else we can get.
Maybe your character will appear one day, and all that support will be for you. it could be a fun stop on a blog tour too.
I'm off to work on the project myself. I probably need a new page, and a new category so authors can find their old promos easily.
Tommorow, big support tomorrow, please.
Filed under Lisa Burton Radio, Muse
Entertaining Stories 