The day I ruined the planet

Old What's Her Face* wanted to buy into a program one of the local franchises offers. Zamzow's is a store that's part feed store, part nursery, part garden center, and part pet store. If you need goldfish, fertilizer, petunias, or baby chicks they have them.

She likes the idea of seasonal applications of various things to make our yard pretty. (All of which Zamzow's will gleefully email her about at the correct time.) We picked out our Springtime fertilizer pellets. Of course she also needed some metal flower looking things to stick in her flower bed. Oh, and some pre-emergent crabgrass killer, plus some stuff to kill off the clover that's been slowly taking over our yard.

I spent the rest of my day first exchanging the hoses I already placed out. Who knew there was a specific one for the front yard, and a specific one for the back? Obviously not me.

Then I had to turn on our sprinkler system. We finally have water in the ditch, and can start using it instead of the hoses.

My instructions were to spread the granulated fertilizer first. Then spread the pre-emergent crabgrass killer. Don't worry, my wife supervised this complicated operation.

My next job was to run the sprinklers through their cycle and make sure all of this granulation stuff got wet.

Only then was I allowed to hook up the hoses and spray a liquid weed killer over the top of everything. Now it has to dry for a couple of days to make sure the weeds are really angry. Come on, we know it doesn't really kill them.

After I completed my tasks, I took a quick bath and am happy to report the drain pipe didn't explode from all the chemicals.

I make no promises as to what this chemical cocktail is doing to the planet. If my lawn ignites in the next few days, I'll try to get a video for your amusement. A steel lawnmower blade, one tiny spark, a whole bunch of miracle chemicals…

I still remember the good old days when I could top-dress the lawn with manure and it looked great all year long. I still think it works, but I was wrong, just ask my wife.

I haven't written any new fiction in weeks. I feel guilty about leaving the Yak Guy to his own devices, and the short story incomplete, but not guilty enough to jump back in.

I would feel differently if sales were thriving, but that isn't the case. I'll probably jump back in sometime this week, but mostly for my own amusement. I really don't feel the need to get another book out in cyberspace any time soon. That will come eventually, but right now I want to take time to plan some camping trips, go fishing with my son, and probably place some fire extinguishers around the yard. Do they sell lawn insurance?

*Entertaining Stories; protecting my wife's name since 2013.

Petunias, manure, and Ultron

It was one of those days today. My wife had a workout class for an hour and a half this morning. I used the time to add five pages to my new story. It isn’t much, but it’s progress. I’ve been tied up for weeks and it felt good to move the story ahead.

We went to a high dollar nursery and bought some potted plants for our porch and back deck. I think I must be in the wrong business. I could shove a bunch of annual flowers in a peat pot, put a basic plastic hanger on it, and sell it for $80.

I’m not above doing it either, but my wife believes the more you pay for something the better it is. We drove down the road to Home Depot and bought many flats of petunias. I had the guy load me up with ten bags of manure too.

This year the manure is for the flower beds. Some years I top dress the lawn, but the beds really needed it this year. After spreading it, I took a long bath. Old What’s Her Face* used her iPad to buy our Avengers tickets.

Our daughter decided to go with us, and she’s 21 now. We bought tickets to the adult section of the theatre. They serve beer and real food up there.

Our daughter took so long to get ready that we completely missed the window to order beer and hot food. The maddening part was that she’d been at work and already looked fine to go out. I will never understand those females that take hours to go anywhere. My wife has always been wash and wear, and that’s something we never had to deal with.

I walked down to the bar during the previews and ordered my own beer anyway. I’m creative like that.

Ultron is an artificial intelligence housed in a robot who wants to destroy the world. It’s a comic book movie, they always want to destroy the world.

In a way, it made me think of Lisa Burton, one of my original characters. She’s a robot too, and she pays the price for all the terminators, HALs, and Ultrons out there. She’s the artificial intelligence who doesn’t want to destroy the world. She just wants to blend into society.

I really enjoyed the movie, but it isn’t as good as the first one. (In my opinion.) There are so many characters that none of them get much screen time. Still, I enjoyed it and that’s what counts.

After that, it was a late dinner and home. We were busy and got a lot accomplished. I even managed a few new words.

* Not the name on my wife’s birth certificate.