Road trip

This post has kind of a weird origin. We had enough money to replace the fence this summer and it turned out great. A frequent topic around here involved what to do with the rest.

About then, Old What’s Her Face’s iPad decided to go to iHeaven. In this modern era, we live on our devices, so she ordered a replacement.

Turns out, the new iPad is hard to come by. All the Apple stores appear to be closed, and her order was weeks out.

About this time, I decided to have an accident with my iPhone that destroyed it. I posted about this last week sometime. A few clicks at ATT and I had a new phone in hand in one day. This added fuel to my wife’s fire. You don’t want this woman fired up.

She went on a mad search of every store she could find, and there isn’t a single new iPad in our area. Not to be deterred, she took her quest online. Nobody seemed to have one and they refused to ship, if they did.

Lo and behold, there was one at a store in Logan, Utah. That’s only about 4 1/2 hours away, no big deal, right?

I was less than thrilled, but something sparked inside me. It’s been six months since we had date night. A long road trip isn’t exactly date night, but it would take us out of the house and we’d get to be together.

I insisted the dogs had to stay home. It was predicted to be over 100 degrees, and met all those expectations. They stayed home with our son, and we roused ourselves at 4:00 AM.

It was basically a long drive across the desert, but we hung out, we talked, and kind of enjoyed ourselves. The store itself only took about ten minutes.

My wife spent some time on her phone checking out eateries in Logan. We decided on one that was featured on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives.

It met all the criteria and was pretty much a dive. Right down to the table that wobbled. Masks were in abundance, and we grabbed a booth away from other folks. This place had Cajun food (In Utah), but it was wonderful. I had a shrimp Po-boy and we shared a basket of gator bites. My side was some of the best red beans & rice I’ve ever had. Then we faced the long ride home.

Once we got to the Treasure Valley it was like fog across the city. It was so thick even visibility was down, but it has to be smoke from some distant forest fires.

She spent the evening setting up her iPad and is thrilled. We didn’t kill each other, and managed to have a good time.

This morning, the sunrise was pretty colorful due to the smoke in the air. My Asian pears looked like balls of fiery gold in the rising sun. This isn’t possible, because they’re green even when ripe. I’ve been testing them for a couple of weeks, but today the slight bitterness from the peels is gone. I’m about to be overwhelmed by mountains of Asian pears. They’re expensive at the stores, so I won’t complain.

I spent a big part of my morning noshing on pears and reading blogs. When you take a day away you tend to fall behind. I read everything, but most of you only got a like and a tweet. I’m usually more interactive, but I wanted to climb out of the hole.

One of those kind of days

I’m glad there is pumpkin beer in the refrigerator, because I need it.

I wanted to pick up some kind of fuel additive to use on my generators. I have one that runs beautifully, and one that acts like it’s on life support. When I ran them a couple of weeks ago, one would only run if I left the choke on. Home Depot was our first stop.

My brother said to get one of two specific products, but they didn’t have either one. I found something that sounded like it would do the job and bought it.

My Dad and my Grandfather each had small generators. Even after 20 years they started right up with a couple of pulls. I whined to my brother about that, and he said it’s all because gasoline has ethanol in it today. I can see how that might be the problem, but the information doesn’t help me right now.

At Home Depot, I decided to drop my iPhone in the parking lot. I’ve had some variety of iPhone since they first came out. Never so much as scratched the screen. Today the phone landed flat, face down. I now have five spiderwebs across the screen along with a selection of long cracks. I’m fairly sure tiny pieces will start coming out soon.

We went on to the big Albertsons. Old What’s Her Face wanted a couple of things we can only get at this store. Someone gave her a bunch of cucumbers and she needed some dill.

I picked up a big slice of jackfruit. This thing is about the size of a small pizza and over an inch thick. It may sound like no big deal to you, but I live in Idaho. This is fairly exotic stuff to me.

Once we got home, I tried the fuel additive in the generators. One started on the first pull and runs like new. The other one will fire on one pull, but not run. Doesn’t matter how many secondary pulls you give it, it won’t fire again. However, if I wait fifteen minutes I get one more pull that fires up briefly. I spent about four hours playing this game, then gave up.

My brother is the fix-it guy in the family, but he lives in Nevada. He said it sounds like the fuel additive is trying to clean something up, but it’s taking its sweet time. There is a slim possibility that it might dissolve some bad stuff overnight and fire up tomorrow. If I can just get it running, the additive will do its job the way it’s supposed to. Right now it’s just a gunk bath. Equal chance it might not work, too.

I tried the jackfruit this afternoon. It’s pretty good, but I don’t think I’d go out of my way to try it again. The seeds are huge and kind of vulgar looking. They remind me of testicles when the ranchers cut their male animals. That’s not the part you eat. The edible part surrounds the seed. It’s yellow, kind of slippery, and grows in cells around a core.

There is a lot of jackfruit left. I may Google it and see what else I can do with it. Eating it is fine, but maybe there’s a good cocktail recipe out there.

When I got finished with the generators for the night, my wife had ordered me a new phone. I was due for an upgrade and that helped. We are perpetually broke, so we’re adding it to the phone bill. With any luck, I’ll own it before I break it this time.

I hope your Saturdays went a little better than mine did.

Another batch of Macabre Macaroni

The Halloween Pack

Nadine’s jaw fell open in disbelief. Sara Spears wrote her up for receiving a personal email. Her mother invited her over for Sunday dinner. It wasn’t like she invited the email. She watched Sara strut away from the cubicle, obviously congratulating herself for a job well done.

Several deep breaths later, Nadine awoke her computer from sleep-mode. Sara’s constant pacing the floor to make sure nobody looked at Facebook convinced her not to use company time to look for a new job.

Nadine’s coworkers ducked their heads and pretended to work. There was no hiding what happens in a cube farm. They all heard.

When lunchtime rolled around, Nadine grabbed a light jacket and walked to a corner bistro. Some fresh air, and a huge cup of their coffee might improve her outlook.

She took a chair at one of those outside, wire-mesh tables and waited for her half turkey sandwich. An alert banner lit up the screen of her phone. “The Halloween Pack. Free today only.”

It turned out to be one of those photo manipulation apps. It came with a bunch of Halloween themed stickers, green filters for faces, and more. If she didn’t like it, she could always delete it later.

She entered her data and gave the app permission to access her photos. She flipped through her pictures and stopped at those from the summer picnic. Nothing seemed to be good enough for photo manipulation.

“Excuse me, ma’am, were you the half turkey sand?” The waitress asked.

“Oh yes. Thank you.” The fresh bead smelled wonderful. They baked every morning here.

“Let me top off your coffee.” The girl filled her cup without waiting for a response.

This place has great food, a great setting, and great service. The people seem happy too. I wouldn’t mind working at a place like this, as long as I could make ends meet.

She took a bite of her sandwich, and looked across the street at the autumn leaves. Waves of fresh bread and avocado helped improve her mood.

She looked back at her phone. Time for Sara Spears to get hers. She was always strutting around, sticking her chest out, and looking down her nose. What a narcissistic bitch. Nadine found a photo on Sara’s Facebook page. One of those professional shots with Sara standing against the city skyline while the camera looked up at her with crossed arms like she owned the damned place.

A double chin wouldn’t do. Nadine used the graphic twice, and by sizing the sticker a bit, gave Sara a quadruple chin. She added a couple of feet to her hips until Sara looked like a pear. By the time the lunch hour ended, Sara looked like a mildly transparent, gelatinous, blue blob against the skyline. Oddly, she still looked exactly like herself.

Nadine poured herself into her work that afternoon. She would check out the job market tonight, but nobody was going to call her a slacker. It was nearly three o’clock when she looked up again.

She took a restroom break, but Sara was nowhere to be seen. On the way back to her desk, an arm shot out from the cubicle next to hers. “Sorry about what happened,” Aaron Davies said.

“No problem. Guess it was just my turn on her list. Where is she, anyway?”

“Went home. Said she didn’t feel well this afternoon. To tell you the truth, she didn’t look well either. She looked almost bloated and like her skin was turning blue. Hope there isn’t something going around. I have to umpire for the kids this weekend.”

Nadine stared off into space, and absently said, “Me too.”

After work, Nadine took the elevator down to the parking level. Helicopters roared overhead, then down the street toward the city. The sound of sirens echoed in the distance. She walked past her car to look toward town.

The streets were gridlocked. It would be hours before she could get home tonight. She thought of the little bistro, and returned to the elevator. She could wait out the gridlock there, save some gasoline, and enjoy some of their wonderful coffee.

She pulled her coat tighter as she wove between the stopped cars and crossed the street. The mid day temperatures dropped rapidly this time of year. She’d be taking an indoor table this time.

“Back again?” The waitress asked.

“Yeah. Figure it’s nicer here than waiting in my car. Just coffee this time.”

“On the house. I’ll call it a refill of the one you bought earlier.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Let’s see if there’s any news about what’s going on.” The waitress turned on a small television.

Images of helicopters filled the screen. Nadine hoisted the coffee to her nose and smelled the wonderful aroma. The news cut to a shot from one of the helicopters. A gigantic blue blob, nearly seventeen stories tall, rampaged through downtown. She sat her cup down and gripped the edge of the table with both hands.

The helicopter flew around the tower for a better angle. There was no mistaking Sara Spears’ face from the photo.

The monster had absorbed several cars, and one fire engine was clearly visible inside her. The flashing red lights filtered through the blue gelatin came out as purple. As the helicopter moved past, several wire tables appeared inside the monster, like the ones Nadine had lunch at. She spotted at least three people inside the blob too.

She grabbed for her phone. Maybe she could undo the manipulation and set things right. Sorry, your free trial has ended. You can buy the Halloween Pack…

Nadine deleted the app. The news kept running. Maybe it would take a second or two before things went back to normal. But they didn’t.

She opened the photograph. There was Sara, standing against the cityscape as a giant blue blob. The positioning of the photo made it look a bit like Sara was as tall as some buildings.

The news kept running as Sara moved on to the Shriner’s Hospital. Those poor people were about to be absorbed too.

Nadine held down the photo until the option bar appeared. She deleted the photograph.

The news image reacted almost immediately. Sara completely disappeared.

Those poor people inside the blob didn’t deserve this. Hell, even Sara didn’t deserve this. She was a horrible person, but this was beyond what she earned.

Nadine went to the App Store, maybe she could repeat the process, not modify the photo, and set things right. The Halloween Pack was nowhere to be found, like it never existed.

Eclectic? I’ll own that.

A while back I confessed to reading in a broad range of genres. Good is good, and it doesn't have to be limited to one area. I've always felt that way about a great many things. I still go to movies, even after they stopped making good westerns.

I thought it might be fun to check out my music. I have close to 500 songs on my iPhone. This device speaks to my truck and plays music during my commute. I'll bet nobody has a more mixed up playlist than I do. This phone contains the following (in part):

AC/DC

The Alan Parsons Project

Alice Cooper

Aretha Franklin

The B-52's

The Beach Boys

Beyoncé

Blue Oyster Cult

Bonnie Rait

Brad Paisley

Cher

Chuck Berry

Commander Cody & his Lost Planet Airmen

The Corrs

Creedence Clearwater Revival

David Bowie

Del Shannon

Dwight Yoakam

ELO

Elvis

Fun

George Thorogood

The Go-Go's

Gretchen Wilson

Harry Nilsson

The Irish Rovers

The Isley Brothers

Jethro Tull

Jimmy Durante

Joan Jett with and without The Blackhearts

John Cougar Mellencamp

Judas Priest

Katy Perry

Led Zeppelin

Linda Ronstadt

Meat Loaf

Metallica

Mickey Gilley

Monty Python

Oingo Boingo

Ozzie Osbourne

Pink

Paul Revere & The Raiders

The Pointer Sisters

Quiet Riot

Ramones

Reba McEntire

REO Speedwagon

Rihanna

The Rolling Stones

Stevie Nicks

Stray Cats

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Weird Al Yankovic

ZZ Top

Am I eclectic, or flat out insane? Seriously, who has a playlist with Jimmy Durrante, Reba McEntire, and Metallica on it? Let me hear it in the comments. Is your playlist a rival of mine, or do you stick with one style of music?

iOS H8te

Yeah, I wrote the title that way on purpose. It’s supposed to be clever.

Today’s post is intended to provide a place for iOS users to commiserate about the new operating system, and possibly offer some hints if you have any. Let’s hear them, God knows we need them.

I spent most of two nights ago watching my iPad and iPhone fail at getting the latest operating system. I wound up checking the internet for a solution. I had to hook up to the Mac (which also needed an update) and go through the iTunes store.

I finally got everything up and running, but my initial opinion is this iSucks. My photos are scattered from Hell to breakfast now, with no obvious way to change things around. They are organized by date, or location. Then there’s an option of seeing them pinned onto a map based on where the photo was taken or downloaded. That’s about as handy as a chapped ass. What if I want to organize by topic; cover art, sourdough photos, etc.?

Someone online suggested making folders and organizing things the way I like them. Great idea.

I grab artwork off the internet. Some of it gets pinned to my outlines, some of it becomes wallpaper on my phone that I change every day, then I delete it never to be used again. It varies from science fiction, fantasy, and paranormal, to quite a few pinups. (the painted kind, not the photo kind.) I made an artwork folder on my iPad and dragged everything into it. Everything is duplicated not moved. Delete one = delete both.

The sales pitch was that iCloud syncs everything up really well now. This morning I tried to change my phone background. No artwork folder, it’s only on the iPad. Looks like iCloud isn’t delivering on its promise.

I went to my RSS reader, Feeddler Pro. Every page I open crashes the app. I finally read a couple archaeology articles and two comics by telling it to open the pages in my Safari browser. I decided to look for an update to Feeddler. This was app of the year or something last year. The app store says it no longer exists – at all.

The app store found a little used app and said it has an upgrade available. What the iHell? I told it to upgrade. It said we can no longer find this app in the iTunes store. This is the same system that told me to upgrade the stupid thing. I tried it a day later and it upgraded. Color me iConfused.

The new iOS says I can send an audio text now. All I have to do is hold down the microphone icon and speak. I tried it out on my wife. I entered her contact information, and the microphone icon disappeared. Not an option. (We both have iPhones and upgraded software.) I tried the microphone icon on the keyboard. It produced a wonderful speech to text, but no audio text.

Worst of all is WordPress in the Safari Browser. I use the Reader to read all of your blogs. Keep in mind that I am frequently away from my computer, and I sleep sometimes too. When I wake up, I may have eight to ten hours of blogs to catch up on. Bedtime for me could be breakfast time for some of the blogs I read. (Ali in Ireland, Jo in South Africa, etc.) We aren’t all on Mountain Daylight time here.

When I open a post it always does so in a new page, and I like that. When I close that page now, my WordPress Reader is a sheet of grey. I have to hit refresh to get it back. That means I start at the top and read southward all over again. I have a temporary work around, in that if I’m really quick, I can open a post and immediately return to reader. I can’t read the post until later, so I open a few dozen posts and finish with Reader. I can read each post after that and close the page when I’m finished. Then I only have to croak and restart Reader once.

This gives me an idea. Sorry for the aside. Reader ought to have a filtering option. I could scroll through it and tag all the posts I want to read. Filter everything down and let me read the entire post in filtered view. Sorry, back to my tantrum…

I use Blogpad Pro for my posts. I really like it, but they posted two days ago that it has glitches with iOS 8. They expected an upgrade soon. I give them credit for warning me, and am certain they’ll do just what they said.

Apple always has an update out relatively soon after release. I really hope they address some of these issues. It sounds like the app store has some problems going on too.

On the plus side, if I connect my phone to power, I can say “Hey Siri” and ask her some useless question. Might be cool in the car, but it has to be connected to power. Yay, that works just as advertised. (worthless, but it works.)

How about you guys? Are any of you Apple users having any problems? Call them out in the comments, and offer solutions if you have any.

Update: I sent an email off to Feeddler. They have a Feeddler Pro 2 under consideration in the app store right now. This one should work with iOS 8. Nice folks, quick answer back for a $4 consumer.