Crisis of Confidence

I never got to write at all last weekend. We never had a drop of rain from May to October, and when we finally did, the skylights decided to leak.

This led to getting on a contractor’s list, and waiting our turn. The house is over twenty years old, so we decided to replace the roof and skylights rather than make repairs. It was time.

They started last Friday and had about six guys on the job. Two elected to work Saturday, but didn’t finish. It snowed Sunday, and that killed Monday. I had to take Tuesday off, because they needed inside. Somehow they’d lost one of the roof vents. I get it, they removed the part, slung the underlayment and lost track of it. That all got sorted out and the job was finished on Wednesday.

It snowed again Thursday, so I’m grateful, and the roof looks awesome.

I managed to add somewhere around a thousand words to my WIP, but my mind has other things going on.

I tried to fill this with a bit of storyboarding. I have one idea that’s going to require magic and artifacts and putting them in the right order to make a discovery. A storyboard is needed. My brain is still focused elsewhere.

I’m going to write about it here. Maybe it will get some of these thoughts out of my head. Maybe it will help me reach some conclusions.

I typically do a yearly wrap up post, followed by a new year business plan. It’s time to be thinking about this, but my thoughts aren’t good.

Both of my 2022 publications performed dismally. Reviews seem to be down, too, and I’m trying to draw some conclusions. Add a few of what I call drive-by one-star ratings, and I may never sell another copy again. You know the types, they never bought the book, never read it, but drop a one-star rating, because it amuses them. Amazon is so picky about reviews, and heaven help you if a family member gives you one, but some random stranger who never read the story gets to destroy your rating and they leave that up.

It’s hard to draw conclusions here. I was getting a majority of five-star reviews three years ago, but not now. I’ve either gotten worse at this, or I’ve worn out my welcome. Don’t know how else to take this.

It’s possible that people are sick of Lizzie and the hat. There are millions of choices out there, so I understand.

I listened to my first dramatic podcast recently. Something to fill the commute time with. It was pretty bad with pregnant pauses and poor dialog, but the story was so compelling I’m going to listen to season two next. Tells me that small foibles aren’t enough to put someone off. There’s also a book, but I wasn’t going to pay $16 for an ebook. Price does matter at some arbitrary point.

Giving up isn’t an option for me. I love writing and will always do it. Publishing, on the other hand could be on the chopping block. I already feel like most of my readers are there because of me and not any deep interest in the story or my creativity. My readers mean a lot to me.

I also need to assess my membership at Story Empire. I’m the guy who watches the stats and most of my posts perform well. I struggle to come up with fresh content over there, and now I’m wondering why anyone would pay attention to a guy who can’t get his own books out of the cellar.

I’ve known many an old timer who makes beautiful things, but really doesn’t have a place for them. Old men still whittle, and grannies keep knitting afghans, even though they’ll never wind up at Christie’s Auction house or in the Louvre.

Going wide, and trying to make everything free has limited merit. Amazon is still where all the action is, and Kindle Unlimited is only available if the work is exclusive, so I’m torn on this.

Blog tours used to be my bread and butter, but those failed, too. I know why, and it’s hard to change. It’s complicated. I sold more books by announcing the publication here, than I sold on the subsequent tours. Maybe I’ll blog about new publications, then forget about them. Birds and turtles leave the nest and are on their own. More turtles hatch in a year than I can publish books, though.

The financial difference between selling 500 copies and 5 copies is negligible. Neither situation is going to pay for a week of groceries.

If I stop doing a lot of promo, I don’t really need Lisa Burton anymore. I love commissioning her art, but it was all for promo purposes. That offers some savings, and it matters. She’d probably look good in post apocalyptic armor, or floating around at zero-G with Percy the space chimp, but to what end?

We’re in a phase of getting everything ready to start living on a fixed income. There are a few years left, but that promo money could be directed to paying things off, and doing deferred maintenance on our house.

I need to figure out what I’m going to do moving forward. While it would be nice for my year end posts, that’s not an absolute requirement either.

I’ve been sharing Pinterest boards and people seem to be enjoying them. This one is about promotion, but it’s not my promotion. I call this one Friend’s Books. Check it out https://pin.it/QrAhbO1

Miss me?

We had a lot of guests on Entertaining Stories this week. All of them were fascinating in their own way, and I appreciate all of them. Some of you shared on your own blogs and tweeted out the posts. It takes guts to create something and share it with the world, promotion is a bugger, and your sharing is appreciated.

I had another weekend of not getting a bunch done on the writing front. Summer is not a great time for me to write a novel. There are too many other distractions. Otto likes people and demands attention. Trying to write while he is active is guaranteed to fail. He likes to chew on feet, hands, keyboards, anything to get attention.

I tricked him away from the keyboard by sacrificing my finger. Things usually work out, because he takes some big naps. He gets super active, then super tired. This weekend, my daughter and Otto worked in shifts. She wanted to talk while he napped, then when he woke up she left.

I worked on some micro-fiction, and that seems better suited for me during the summer. I managed one more for Macabre Macaroni in October, but I'm not satisfied with either one yet. I still need two more. Hopefully, I'll have four good ones before October.

I also started a short story, but only got about a third of it finished. No deadlines or rushes here.

In other news, another beta reader came through. She had some unique ideas, and I made several adjustments based upon her recommendations. I appreciate my beta readers so much, you have no idea. I couldn't do this without that kind of help.

I finally managed to assemble the stopper mechanism in my bathroom sink. After days of effort, in stages, I felt like I'd pulled the sword from the stone. This morning I proudly used my own sink to brush my teeth. The damned thing still leaks. I've never been a tool guy, and I proved it to myself yet again. I'm surprised that I can use the coffee maker successfully. It looks like I have to tear the whole thing apart and start over.

My wife decided to shampoo the carpets today. Moving furniture is more my style; no wrenches or assembly required.

I have about a ton of peaches ripening right before we go on vacation. This means I have to grab as many as possible, set a few aside to take with me, and leave the rest for the birds. I'd be willing to donate them somewhere, but it requires two days worth of picking and bagging. I have to work tomorrow. I made a wonderful peach sangria the other night though. I think I'll take a basketful to work tomorrow. My colleagues will enjoy them.

Not joking about the tonnage. One whole branch is bent down to the lawn with the weight.

I hope you folks are enjoying your summer. I'm not putting too much pressure on myself, and you shouldn't either. Enjoy it while you can. My only real focus is the release of my next Experimental Notebook. Everything else is a bonus.

I should have been an oracle

At the beginning of winter, our furnace died. This required us to finance a new furnace and coil. We're still paying for it, and probably will be for years.

I predicted when it happened that we were creating a jalopy. We had a fifteen year old air conditioner attached to a brand spanking new furnace. I announced that the air conditioner would fail as soon as we turned it on.

Sometimes, being right isn't all it's cracked up to be. It turns out a replacement air conditioner is even more expensive than a furnace. The compressor is shot and cannot be repaired.

My wife is going to look into financing options. I kind of wanted to replace my old dog, but that may have to wait until next year. Even regular meals might have to wait until next year.

If I managed to sell 5000 books in the next 30 days that would help. My oracle vibe is telling me that won't happen.

There is an air conditioner in my truck. Maybe we can set out there this summer.

Why don't I get oracle vibes about the right lottery numbers, or even the Kentucky Derby?