Don’t touch that dial, you’ve found Lisa Burton Radio, the only show on the airwaves that interviews the characters from the books you love. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and this interview is one I’ve looked forward to for a long time. He’s my favorite character from the land of Windemere, and I’ve interviewed a few of them. “Give a warm welcome to Ichabod Brooks.”
“Thanks. Happy to be here and . . . talk. I have to admit that I’m not really sure how this set up works. I didn’t bring anything to help if one of these things explode.”
“Ichabod, your story inspires me. It’s encouraging to find an adventurer with a family. So many adventurers seem to wander from place to place, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I mean, you even have a pet… well, some kind of snort-pig thing. Can you tell our listeners how you make all that work?”
“To be honest, I did the wandering adventurer thing when I was younger. Just followed either the money, the rumors, or whatever caught my attention. Things became more stable when I began taking jobs and issuing contracts to my employers. Guess that’s what helped me make the transition more than most people in my career. Although, I never went for the glory and save the world type of adventures, so I may have been working toward this in the first place without knowing it. Just had to find the right woman and reach an age where I was more interested in putting food on the table than fighting monsters. Not that the latter doesn’t have some appeal.
“How do I make it work? Well, that depends on who you ask. My friends will say that I’m whipped and make it work by letting my wife call the shots. Bards would tell you that there’s nothing I can’t do, which is a blatant lie. My own opinion is that I make sure my wife and I discuss everything. She’s kind of an adventurer too, so we have to plan our jobs in a way that means one of us is always home with our son. There are no secrets between us unless the job involves sensitive material and we can’t legally share. That happens more with her than me since I avoid those headaches on principle. That principle is that I don’t want to deal with those types of messes.
“Only other piece of advice I can give is to make every minute of family time count. Romantic time with my wife and play time with my son are very important to me. Never know when my luck will run out or if I’ll ever reach retirement. This is one of the reasons I bring home trophies for my son and spend time telling him the stories. The real ones and not those abominations that the bards sing about me. Nobody could possibly defeat fifty trolls with a single shot of their longbow. Not unless they used fireball arrows and led the monsters into an enclosed area that’s been doused in oil. Fine, I guess it is possible.”
“There is a clause in your contract that warms my circuits. Before you take any job, they have to agree that you can claim a souvenir for your son. I’ve read your stories, and he must have quite a collection by now.”
“Funny how that started. My son hadn’t been born yet and an employer gave me a souvenir to bring home. This was a pinecone from a tree that had grown to take over an entire castle and I managed to revert it back to its normal state. That gave me the idea of adding the clause because it will help my son remember and learn about my real adventures. Last thing I want is for him to think the bard songs are all true. As far as size, the collection is in one room of the house and he can only get in there with me or my wife. I’ll admit to having a few dangerous items in there, but a friend specializes in display cases and he gives me a good deal for bulk products. “
“Bards? Let me tell you about the bards! Do you have any idea how many of them wanted to sponsor today’s show? I was bombarded with CDs and demo tapes. I finally had to run one off at gunpoint because he staked out the studio. I mean, I’ve had to deal with paparazzi a time or two, but these guys are crazy.”
“Guess they caught wind of you having a big audience. Must be newcomers to the trade because the veterans are a lot more discreet and respectful. They still lie because they claim it’s good for business. There was one adventure where I traveled with a bard to handle some rogue barbarians. His name was Rebec and he latched onto me at a tavern. Couldn’t shake the man and he was trouble from the start. He nearly got us killed a few times and then made it sound like I took out an entire tribe when it was just a handful of warriors in a very narrow mountain pass. This is why I prefer traveling with friends who have no financial interest in lying about my exploits. Can’t get very far in this job without friends.”
“Oh yeah, Dex, Morgan, and Meg. They say no man is an island, and you have some pretty good help when you need it. Dex seems like a handy guy, tell our listeners about him.”
“Where to even start with a piece of work like Dex? As far as dwarves go, he’s fairly cuddly once you get to know him. Feels far too clinical to call him a good example of a great friend, but he’s there for me both on and off the job. We try to get together once a month to have a few drinks and get the families together. Dex doesn’t have kids, so he enjoys spoiling my son whenever he’s over. That and telling exaggerated tales of our adventures in order to get under my skin.
“Hard to remember when we first met too. Dex says it was when we were assigned to the same job, but I swear we got into a barfight two months prior to that. You can’t really forget a beard that red and elegantly braided. At my age, the memory doesn’t always work the way it’s supposed to.
“We don’t get to adventure together as often as we used to. Dex’s specialty is mountaineering, so I go to him whenever I have a job that requires a lot of climbing. My knee and lower back make those jobs more difficult. Hate to depend on him more than he depends on me, which is why he’s trying to help me get the kinks out. Now he has Meg helping him with this self-proclaimed quest because she wants me to stay in shape in case she needs me. Her expertise is the ocean and I recently worked with them to retrieve an artifact called Zaria’s Kiss. Kind of wish they were still squabbling instead of getting along because having a dwarf and a gnome teaming up on you is no picnic. Better to have them on my side.”
“I loved that one. It not only provided a great adventure underwater, it also hinted at the larger pantheon of Windemere. Would you like to offer some closing remarks to our listeners today? Then I have one more question, more of a request actually.”
“Not really sure what you mean by closing remarks, but I guess I’m just hoping people enjoy my real story. I’ve had plenty of adventures and this chat has left me more nervous than all of those combined. As you can tell, I’m not much of a talker. That definitely helps in the adventurer trade because you need to listen for danger and to your employer. Guess it’s nice to end with some advice like that.”
“Can I have your autograph?”
“I don’t see why not. Mostly because you asked politely. Good to see a youngster show some manners.”
“For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. Don’t forget to tell your social circles about The Life and Times of Ichabod Brooks. You do that by using the sharing buttons on the website. I’ll also include purchase links, and you don’t want to miss this one”
Enter the world of Windemere with 11 action adventure short stories featuring a man who is out to make an honest living.
Some heroes seek fame. Some seek fortune. Others simply want to save the world. Ichabod Brooks only wants to put food on the table for his family.
Known and respected as the man who can get any job done, Ichabod has seen his share of adventure. Most of which have been highly exaggerated by bards. Still, the man has his famous reputation for a reason. Whether it be climbing a temperamental mountain for eggs or escorting orphans to their new homes, Ichabod takes every job seriously and makes sure he is as prepared as he can be. Not that it helps since things always take a turn for the worse.
Pick up a copy of The Life & Times of Ichabod Brooks right here.
Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.
Facebook: Charles Yallowitz