Coming at you with 1.21 jigawatts of power, you’ve discovered Lisa Burton Radio. The only show where we interview the characters that you love to read about. I’m Lisa Burton, the robot girl, and I’m waiting for my guest Brandi to show up.
She’s out in the meadow, following her cellphone somewhere. I know the old Airstream is in a forest, but come on! I’ll just throw the switch for the loudspeaker. “Hey, Brandi, over here.” That seems to have gotten her attention.
“Damn that’s loud! So sorry I’m late. I play Pokemon Go. There was a Snorlax in my nearby sightings and I was trying to track him. I think I stepped in some yak splat. Ewww, it’s all over my new shoes.”
“Welcome to the show, Brandi. Here’s some paper towels to clean that up.”
“Thank you. Man, this place is hard to find. It’s beautiful up here and so serene, but you’re about as far out as Robin Williams. Brought some fresh Florida produce for Bunny.”
“That’s so nice of you. Would you like to meet him after the show?”
“I would. I adore soft, furry, cuddly animals.”
“Our sponsor today is Naked Alliances, by S. K. Nicholls. Craig and I have both read this book and enjoyed it immensely. When we first meet you, you’ve just rescued a Vietnamese girl, Cara Kieu, and are running from her pursuers. What can you tell us about that?”
“I didn’t know Cara Kieu prior to that night. I just saw a girl in trouble and tried to help her. The fact that men were chasing after us with guns caused us to run into the street. That’s where we literally ran into Richard Noggin, P.I. (aka Dick Head, P.I.) I’m not saying he’s not a gentleman, but when he dumped us off on the corner in front of the Parliament House and raced away, I had my doubts.”
“Google tells me The Parliament House is a gay nightclub. How does one wind up there?”
“It’s more than a gay nightclub, it’s an entire resort complex with hotel suites, swimming pool, seven nightclubs that all have different themes, a full service restaurant and the Footlight Theater. I perform at the theater. We have comedy shows for the general public and grand dance events. I’m a showgirl and love dressing up in glimmering costumes to perform for the crowds. Entertaining is not all that I do well. I was an Explosives Ordinance Disposal Specialist in the U.S. Army for five years, followed by a brief stint as a cop. I learned a great deal in those roles, but had a bad experience as a cop that left me with a morbid fear of guns. After that, I hooked up with my bestie, Gloria, she’s a female impersonator, and we came to Florida. Gloria offered me so much support when I was transitioning from Brandon to Brandi.”
“So you’re in a nice dress, killer heels, and running through the Florida night and cross paths with Richard Noggin, Private Eye. Tell us a little about Richard.”
“Richard is a nice man, chivalrous to a degree, reserved but open-,minded, and a bit of a loner. He prefers to work alone, or at least he used to. He’s a gambling man, but not the luckiest card in the deck. He’s kinda cute, but we could never be more than friends with his attitude. That night I wanted Richard to take Cara because I had a show to do, but he had to meet with the former mayor about some big important case. Priorities, you know. I was worried about the girl, but I had priorities too. Richard finally came over the next night and took Cara somewhere, but I took matters into my own hands to find out who was after us and went looking in Little Saigon for clues. Honestly, that didn’t turn out too well either. Both Cara and I were abducted. In the end, Richard came for us, but again, he dumped us… at a freakin’ nudist resort! At least nobody was walking around with a concealed weapon there. Richard focused on the cold case murder and sort of left Cara and I to our own devices.”
“Brandi, it looks like we have a call. Do you mind some questions from our listeners?”
“Sure, I’m fine with that.”
“Hello, caller, you’re on the air with Lisa and Brandi.”
“This is Richard. Where the hell are you?”
“I know you are, so where are you?”
“Smart ass. Idaho, the State where Lisa Burton lives.”
“I sent you to Vegas to check on some leads about my friend Rex and the fact that he was either murdered or committed suicide, and you end up in Idaho chatting on a radio show with a friend. I can’t trust you to get this job done. Maybe you’re not cut out for this kind of work.”
“I did everything you asked me to do in Vegas and then some, with time to spare.”
“Well, get yourself home pronto. We have one dead Seminole and another is missing. I’d like to get to him before the alligators do.”
“I wish I could buy you for what you are worth and sell you for what you think you are worth. Good-bye!”
“Wow, was that your boss?”
“He likes to think he’s my boss. Actually, we’re supposed to be partners, but you know men. They’re like panty hose. Either they run, they cling, or they don’t fit right in the crotch. Richard is having trouble accepting my position. It’s bad enough I used to be man. Richard sees me as a woman, and that’s a good thing, in some ways, but he also has this attitude that I’m somehow supposed to be subservient. There is a rigid idea of what is feminine or masculine and our almost pathological need to classify people by those ideas. It’s well known that the plastic sign of a stick man or stick woman on bathroom doors is like kryptonite to criminals and has kept us safe for 10,000 years.”
“I get it. People find out I’m a robot and they think I’m either; out to take over the world, bound to Asimov’s Laws of robotics like some kind of servant, or a sex toy of some kind. Being a robot is what I am, but it’s not who I am. Know what I mean?”
“Honey, I do. Not only am I transgendered, but I’m biracial. Prejudice is something I’ve dealt with all my life.”
“You know, I was in Florida recently. I knew we had this interview coming up, and I bought you something.”
“You bought something for me? I know you had some trouble gettin’ outta Florida, but I had no idea you were shopping for me. You shoulda called me! I know all those guys down at the station.”
“That old Army messenger bag isn’t getting it done. I found this cool purse and it seems big enough for most of your stuff. Let’s face it, you need a big bag.”
“Geez, thank you. You’re such the fashionista. I’m still working on my fashion sense. This is just awesome, and SWIM, that’s a big brand name in Florida.”
“Let’s walk over to the cabin and see if Bunny wants an organically grown radish.”
“Let’s do. Thank you for having me here today.”
“For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. Our sponsor today has been The Naked Alliance, by S. K. Nicholls. I’ll load all the important details on the blog.”
When a young immigrant woman and an exotic dancer are fleeing men with guns and have no place to hide, Richard Noggin, P.I., can’t turn his back on them, even if helping them makes him a target.
Richard plans to impress an aspiring politician by taking on a big white-collar case with the potential of getting him off the streets and into air-conditioned offices. Instead, he’s handed a cold case and quickly finds himself sucked into a shadowy world of sex, secrets and…murder.
Marked for a bullet and stretched thin by his investigations, he reluctantly teams up with the unlikely, brassy custodian of the young woman on the run. With bodies piling up, they go undercover in a nudist resort, determined to catch the killer and bring down the mastermind of the Alliance before someone else dies.
From the dark corners of Orlando’s Little Saigon, to the sunny exposure of Leisure Lagoon, the Naked Eye juggles to keep his balls in the air.
“Richard Noggin and his trusty sidekick, expose the bare truth about a ten-year-old murder and get to the bottom of an ugly human trafficking scheme. With tight prose and a cast of unforgettable characters, Naked Alliances doesn’t let up until you’ve seen it all!” ~ Tim Baker, author of Eyewitness Blues.
“Interesting settings, believable characters, and a wonderful plot earn this one five stars from me.” ~ C.S. Boyack, author of Will O’ the Wisp.
“Naked Alliances offers a rollicking good time, a dose of evil, a murder to solve, and characters you want to get to know better. All in a well-written package that begs for more stories to come.” ~ Mark Paxson, author of One Night in Bridgeport
“Gritty, heart pounding and wickedly amusing!” ~ Ionia Froment, Top Amazon Reviewer
Amazon Link: http://tinyurl.com/h5akhd9
S.K. Nicholls’ family owns and operates one of the oldest and largest nudist resorts in the nation located in Central Florida, Cypress Cove. Her experience gives her a deep understanding of the lifestyle choice and how it is extremely different from the sex industry, yet harbors clandestine elements of intrigue and fascination. Social issues are at the forefront of her writing. A former sexual assault nurse examiner, she has a special interest in the subject matter of sex-trafficking.
Accused of being the class clown and a daydreamer as a child, life got complicated and she developed a serious side, but never forgot how important it is to laugh. Heinous crimes are highlighted with humor providing entertainment and creating a light crime read with the Naked Eye Series. She is a member of Sisters in Crime, Florida Writers Association, and Writers of Central Florida…or Thereabouts.