Wait, we have a caller. “Hello, You're on the air with Lisa Burton.”
“Hi, this is Lana, calling from an empty warehouse in the middle of nowhere. First time caller, long time listener.”
“Lana, as in Spying with Lana?”
“Alas, yes.”
<Squee> “Spying has to be such a glamorous lifestyle. Beautiful locations, pretty clothes, hanging out with high rollers. Maybe knocking down the casino at Monte Carlo.”
“That's what they tell me. I'm still waiting for the glamour part to kick in. I wonder if the Agency is giving the glamorous missions to someone else behind my back…..”
“Where are you now, and what's involved with this mission?”
“Your guess is as good as mine. Today I was in a warehouse waiting to meet some guy, but he never showed up, so now I'm in a warehouse not waiting for anyone. Sean probably doesn't even know where this story is going, which he really should, since they're pretty repetitive.”
“It must be a really important mission, or the Agency wouldn't have sent you.”
“Of course! Once I battled a team of assassins on a mission to get a refund for the Chief's defective laptop. And there was the time he accidentally sent me into the middle of a rebel uprising when I was supposed to be on vacation. He also once sent me undercover to take down an arms dealer that turned out to be an employee of the Agency, but that's hardly worth mentioning.”
“Sounds to me like you're under appreciated. Still, you get to wear all those cool outfits. You know, until they get destroyed.”
“Yes, unfortunately the wardrobe department has suffered a lot of casualties on my missions. While I have been known to, er… misplace a few clothes here and there, most of the time it isn't my fault! It seems like every time a get a cute new outfit, it ends up getting ripped, shredded, or torn right off! Oh well, I suppose that as long as I stay in one piece myself on these ridiculous missions I shouldn't complain.”
“Doesn't running around naked distract you from completing your mission?”
“Oh, one get's used to it, and on some missions it can be quite helpful, as you can imagine! Unless the mission is in someplace really cold, then… well, you can just imagine that, too. Or maybe not? Being a robot, you probably don't get cold; of course, you probably don't run naked through the snow with guard dogs chasing you very often, either.”
“I'm going to order some sexy spy clothes. I could totally pull off a Lana cosplay at the next convention I attend. If it's in Vegas, maybe I'll take down a casino in your honor.”
“Wow, really? I'd be flattered! I'd be even more flattered if you'd take my place in this crummy mission while I go to Vegas, but never mind that…..”
“It looks like we have a caller. Hello, you're on the air with Lisa and Lana.”
“Hey Lana, this is the Chief with an update on your mission. You're going to get a good laugh out of this, but the guy didn't want to meet in that warehouse after all! His name is Ware and he wanted to meet you at his house! I rescheduled the meeting for tomorrow since it's about a 12 hour bus ride to his house from where you are.”
“How long would it take to get to where you are and strangle you?”
“Oh, don't make such heavy weather over such a minor mistake. Besides, the nearest bus stop is only an hour's walk away! You'll be there in no time.”
“More like three hours with all the snow outside, but what's the difference, right? It's already a lousy day.”
“That's the spirit! And don't forget, the secret password is 'Sasquatch'. Don't let anyone know.”
“This isn't a secure line, you know. It's a radio show being broadcast all over the world.”
“Really? Oh… Well, I'll call you with a new password tomorrow.” <click>
“He's going to call the radio station tomorrow isn't he?”
“Yeah, most likely. But don't worry about it. It'll probably be the wrong password anyway.”
“I heard some of your old missions have been collected into a graphic novel. What can you tell me about that?”
“I'd rather forget about most of my missions, but Sean keeps collecting them in graphic novels. The latest one is called Sweet Dreams, and it contains some of my craziest missions yet. It even has some new pages and scenes in it that readers have never seen before (and I hope I never see again)! It sometimes irks me that Sean profits from my misery, but he doesn't profit very much so I suppose it's okay.”
“I still think it sounds glamorous. Cute shoes, pretty dresses, catsuits.”
“Yeah, I'm living the dream. Say, can you wire me some money for a bus ticket? I don't have any pockets in my outfit. Actually, I don't even have my outfit anymore. It's a long story….”
“Um, yeah, no problem. I'll collect your info off the air.”
***
Sean Harrington is an extremely versatile artist. He creates all the Lisa Burton art for me. He also has some cool art deco pieces, and does great motorcycles and cars (and biplanes).
He made the covers for Wild Concept, and The Playground. Check out the GTO on this cover:
Lana
Spying with Lana is a funny webcomic. I'm still laughing over the time she flipped a tank; who flips a tank? It has some mature themes, and occasionally takes spy sexiness a degree further. I love all the perspective, reflections, and blur in this Lana image. The gun is pretty cool too.
You can pick up a copy of Sweet Dreams at this site. He says right up front that it's for mature readers, and it is.
This is Sean's Tumblr, for those of you familiar with that platform.
This is the site where you can hire him for book covers. He's interested in doing more, and I've found him to be reasonable, reliable, and fast. I hadn't seen this new site until now, and was pretty excited to see Wild Concept among his promo pieces.
Every artist needs a DeviantArt site. That's where I found this Art Nouveau piece. Maybe something like that is more suitable for some genres.
Keep Sean in mind if you're shopping for a cover artist. If you would like one of your characters to be on Lisa Burton Radio, check out the page of the same name at the top of my blog.
Entertaining Stories 