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Introvert Hell

Take a perfectly adult household. Invite everyone for Thanksgiving. Let the fun begin.

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are here. They brought their two small dogs with them. Otto and Frankie want to play. The little dogs don’t. Honestly, Otto takes a crap that’s bigger than these dogs are every morning. I don’t want him to break them.

My son came over, and brought our grandson at about 9:00. He’s making the turkey on his fancy-schmancy smoker. It takes some watching, so he has to stay. Old What’s Her Face gave our grandson a gaming console that apparently has to be turned up to full volume.

Add in the fact that my brother-in-law insists on watching 12 hours of football. What I mean by that is the TV must be on, but nobody is even watching it. In fact, he isn’t even in the room right now. Add football to the gaming console as far as noise goes. Note: My team doesn’t play today.

But wait, there’s more. My daughter is here and brought Jackson, the cat. I’d kind of like to see Jackson, he grew up here before he moved to Sun Valley. However, he’s been running for his life because the tiny dogs want to get him. This means Otto and Frankie have to chase the little dogs. Put all of that on my hard-surface floors, and it creates quite a din.

There is also the nearly constant calling out of dog names. Mostly the little dogs, but imagine a harsh voice saying the same word over and over and over and over and over and…

My daughter-in-law just arrived with the rest of the grandkids. Oh, by the way, they brought their dog with them. He is an Airedale mix of some kind. I’ll be shocked if we don’t wind up with at least one dead pet by the end of the night. Also the tiny dogs like to bark at the new arrival.

My daughter’s friend is also showing up, but I don’t think she’s bringing pets. Same thing for my son’s mother-in-law. They really don’t play into this story.

Imagine a group of people surrounding me, and they’re all honking airhorns at me. Add in some arguing and barking, along with a video game soundtrack at full volume, and you get a fair idea of how I feel.

I’m actually writing this before dinner, and while they are all here. It gives me some focus and a bit of a breather.

It may not sound like it, but I love these people. Hell, I even like their pets. I had some great one-on-one conversations with a few of them before the mob showed up. As an introvert, it is about all I can handle, but I’m being a trooper.

I think I’d like to have Thanksgiving somewhere else next year. I can handle this stuff for hours, but eventually I can go home.

Let the celebration begin, and by that I mean drinking.

Oh, and not for nothing, I went to bed about 11:30 last night. I had to raise dough and make my rolls. The dogs started barking at house guests at 6:00 AM. Kind of a sleep deprived state to add to the mix.

Bonus, I gave my entire department tomorrow off. That means I have to work tomorrow. It’s not my first Thanksgiving/Black Friday.

Update. Two beers later and things are looking better. This stuff is 9% alcohol by volume, so that’s a bonus. New Belgium Oakspire, Bourbon Barrel Aged ale using Knob Creek barrels.


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The Green Fairy


I bought a bottle of absinthe . I always wanted to try it. First I mixed it according to the recipe. One absinthe in the glass, three ice waters trickled over a sugar cube to make it cloudy. I like it, but I wish it was greener. It probably depends on the brand. Tastes like anise candy.

I added it all to a cocktail shaker and took the easy way out for round two. It works the same. Next time I’ll mix it a little stronger. Maybe one to two.

I would have it again, but I …

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, hey Lorelei, we’re blogging. Have you met the Green Fairy?”

“Yeah, and you need to decide where your inspiration is coming from. I have other clients you know.”

“Well, she talks about different stuff.”

“True, and some of it’s good. It’s just that I’m all in, and I expect my clients to be all in too. I’ll have bourbon with you, even the occasional rye. Sometimes, I’ll even show up for craft beer. I draw the line at wine and absinthe.” Lorelei pushed out her chest and said, “She’s — fickle.”

“I’m not really that fancy either, I suppose. She’s hot though, other than being green. Not that you aren’t hot too. I mean, you’re totally hot.” The fairy licked my ear, and I pulled away.

“Whatever. Look, finish your binge, we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Those are some really hot boots…

And she was gone. The fairy stuck around, and we had a third drink. She’s pretty seductive, but can’t hold a candle to Lorelei.

I’m a beer and whiskey kind of guy. Lorelei sends me good ideas. I think I’ll stick with the Muse. Maybe she’ll try harder, but don’t tell her I said that. Now if I could only get Lorelei to help with editing.

Do fairies know how to edit?

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October 23, 2013 · 9:07 PM