Tag Archives: adventure

Technological Angel, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Welcome all you sci-fi geeks, aliens, and starship troopers. You’ve landed on Planet Lisa. Lisa Burton Radio to be exact, and I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl.

With me today is my special guest, Daniele Sommaruga. He’s just a regular guy who got caught up in something bigger. “Welcome to the show Daniele.”

“Hello there! Nice meeting you! You know we had a song called “Lisa” on Earth a few months before I left? It said “Lisa is gone/she’s no longer mine”… Sorry, getting carried away.”

“Aw, aren’t you sweet. It says here you’re living on a star base called Friport. How did a regular dude like you wind up on a star base.”

“It’s a starship as big as Earth’s Moon! It looks like the Death Star! Okay, to start from scratch, it was a dark night and I thought I saw a panther in my street. I lived in Rome, it was 1982 and an urban legend said there was a panther roaming… it was an alien shapeshifter instead! His name is Gaurishankar, he’s human – I mean, a Humanoid, since there are other races out there – but he has been tinkered with by a crazy scientist who introduced a mutation in his blood and he turns into a panther. Gaurishankar was chasing a bounty, some other alien Humanoid living incognito in my street. I told him I wanted to go with him. And he shifted to panther form under my eyes! I considered running away, but it was the opportunity of a lifetime…”

“Seems kind of like a trusting move to just go along?”

“Are you kidding? I’m a sci-fi nerd, I had to go with him! I could visit space, I felt like Luke Skywalker or Captain Kirk in a new adventure! Okay, I’ll admit I didn’t really think about the consequences. I just had to tag along, see new things, expand my mind, meet real, non-human aliens…”

“I certainly appreciate the spirit of adventure. What’s life like on Friport?”

“It’s strange. It’s an artificial world, it doesn’t have a real sky, but there’s the illusion of it. It has a 24 hours cycle, and the locals are very pale for lack of sunshine. There are a lot of Humanoid adventurers, but also some Felines, some Reptilians and the half-bloods. Soon after our arrival, we met mysterious Kol-ian, who also brought an Earthling named Chantal and has retractile bat-like wings, and Maela, a cyborg amazon of some kind who even has a daughter who looks just like her. Now we’ve all teamed up to restore a ship and then we’re going to find work – illegal work, mind you. Maela, the cyborg, ran away from her home planet because she didn’t want to send her daughter to the Girls’ House as is customary and her government owns her because it paid for her prosthetic, so she must live outside of the law now. She was maimed during the war with the Reptilians and had her left side remade in silver – well, it’s probably some other metal alloy.”

“Maela sounds pretty interesting. I appreciate that you’re willing to get involved with a cyborg. I see far too much prejudice here being a robot. It’s nice to know that everyone gets along.”

“Are you kidding? Maela is… è proprio bbona! With her silver hand she’s the most beautiful blonde I have ever seen! I’d give her one, but she’s kind of uptight and would probably punch me with her silver hand… so I’ll just stay away from her. We’re a small team and we get along fine, but Chantal is really obsessed with Kol-ian, so sometimes we bicker. I mean, we’re the only two Earthlings out here, we should be more united, right? But no-o, she’s obsessed with that winged hunk! Okay, he’s gorgeous, but still…. I don’t know, he feels too perfect! Perfect but icy, you know? He’s so cold and mysterious and… Gari – I mean Gaurishankar – is a mutant but sometimes he is more human than Kol-ian.”

“I suppose nothing is ever perfect. What do you intend to do with your new ship?”

“Well, we’re going to look for work. Mercenaries, killers, bounty hunters… what Gaurishankar did when I first met him. He’s going to be our connection to the underworld, since he has already been working here for a year. Maela is a soldier, so she can bring her expertise. And Kol-ian is a hacker, I mean he can do things with that computer of his… I’ve never seen anyone having so much access! I’m not an expert, mind you, but even Gari is impressed. So we’ll have to kill people or maybe protect them and hopefully say off the radar with the Galaxy Police who apparently are unable to come to Friport but surely will try to stop us. Our company is called Three because the actual members are Kol-ian, Gari and Maela, since for the galaxy out there Chantal and I don’t exist. We come from a low tech planet and don’t know much of what’s out there, but I’m sure we’ll have a wondrous adventure!”

“Daniele, I wish you all the luck… well, in the galaxy I suppose. Any last thought for our listeners today?”

“I don’t know where you are, Lisa, but if you transmit to Earth, please let them know we’re okay and we’re keeping the planet’s name as high as we can! And thank you for having me!”

“If you’d like to learn more about Daniele, Kol-Ian, Maela, and more, pick up the book Technological Angel, by Barbara Tarn. It’s the first book in the Star Minds Trilogy. I’ll include all the important data on the website.

“Now would be a good time to use those sharing buttons. I know Daniele and Barbara would do it for you, when your character appears on the next Lisa Burton Radio.

“For Lisa burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. So, infinity and beyond and all that jazz.”

***

BLURB

“Technological Angel” (book 1)

Heartbreak is an eye-opener.

When Kol-ian is rejected by his beloved “angel”, he finds refuge on low-tech Earth. Until he feels the need to get back into the galaxy loop to explore the rogues’ world.

Cyborgs, shape-shifters, merciless telepaths and two earthlings lost in the Milky Way, learning to deal with aliens long before the rest of the blue planet.

Universal ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/49nP8b

Mind Link (book 2) universal ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/3RJ1n3

Slave Traders (book 3) universal ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/m2lv1b

The Trilogy ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/3n7j9m and paperback on Amazon, Barnes&Noble and other retailers.

Star Minds the series http://www.unicornproductionsbooks.com/star-minds-2/

 

Barbara G.Tarn

Barbara G.Tarn had an intense life in the Middle Ages that stuck to her through the centuries. She prefers swords to guns, long gowns to mini-skirts, and even though she buried the warrior woman, she deplores the death of knights in shining chainmail. She likes to think her condo apartment is a medieval castle, unfortunately lacking a dungeon to throw noisy neighbors and naughty colleagues in. Also known as the Lady with the Unicorns, these days she prefers to add a touch of fantasy to all her stories, past and present – when she’s not wandering on her fantasy world of Silvery Earth or in her Star Minds futuristic universe. She dabbles into historical fantasy with her Vampires Through the Centuries series and is attempting some real sci-fi with post-apocalypse and future Earth stories.

She’s a writer, sometimes artist, mostly a world-creator and story-teller. Two of her stories received an Honorable Mention at the Writers of the Future contest. She writes, draws, ignores her day job and blogs at: http://creativebarbwire.wordpress.com.

Check her Vimeo channel for book trailers and other funny stuff.

Find her books www.unicornproductionsbooks.com

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/BarbaraGTarn

Author Central https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0050P0R2G

Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4717133.Barbara_G_Tarn

Instafreebie https://www.instafreebie.com/author/BarbaraGTarn“Technological Angel” (book 1)
Heartbreak is an eye-opener.
When Kol-ian is rejected by his beloved “angel”, he finds refuge on low-tech Earth. Until he feels the need to get back into the galaxy loop to explore the rogues’ world.
Cyborgs, shape-shifters, merciless telepaths and two earthlings lost in the Milky Way, learning to deal with aliens long before the rest of the blue planet.

Universal ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/49nP8b

Mind Link (book 2) universal ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/3RJ1n3

Slave Traders (book 3) universal ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/m2lv1b

The Trilogy ebook links https://www.books2read.com/u/3n7j9m and paperback on Amazon, Barnes&Noble and other retailers.

Star Minds the series http://www.unicornproductionsbooks.com/star-minds-2/

Barbara G.Tarn

Barbara G.Tarn had an intense life in the Middle Ages that stuck to her through the centuries. She prefers swords to guns, long gowns to mini-skirts, and even though she buried the warrior woman, she deplores the death of knights in shining chainmail. She likes to think her condo apartment is a medieval castle, unfortunately lacking a dungeon to throw noisy neighbors and naughty colleagues in. Also known as the Lady with the Unicorns, these days she prefers to add a touch of fantasy to all her stories, past and present – when she’s not wandering on her fantasy world of Silvery Earth or in her Star Minds futuristic universe. She dabbles into historical fantasy with her Vampires Through the Centuries series and is attempting some real sci-fi with post-apocalypse and future Earth stories.

She’s a writer, sometimes artist, mostly a world-creator and story-teller. Two of her stories received an Honorable Mention at the Writers of the Future contest. She writes, draws, ignores her day job and blogs at: http://creativebarbwire.wordpress.com.

Check her Vimeo channel for book trailers and other funny stuff.

Find her books www.unicornproductionsbooks.com

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/BarbaraGTarn

Author Central https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0050P0R2G

Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4717133.Barbara_G_Tarn

Instafreebie https://www.instafreebie.com/author/BarbaraGTarn

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Sir Chocolate stops by #LisaBurtonRadio

Lisa Burton

Hey there all you conquistadores and knights in shining armor. Today is Thursday, and you know what that means. It’s time for Lisa Burton Radio. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, bringing you another fabulous interview with one of the characters you love from your favorite books. My guest today is Sir Chocolate. “Welcome to the show, um, Sir.”

“Thank you, Lisa, I am delighted to be here. You don’t mind if I try up the air conditioning, do you? It is a bit warm in here and I don’t want to start melting.”

“I’m kind of indifferent to temperatures, so help yourself. I understand you’ve taken up a quest, as knights often do. Can you tell our listeners what kind of challenge you’re facing?”

“Lady Sweet and I own a chocolate factory where we make chocolate goodies, sugar mice and other sugar decorations that we sell in our chocolatier. One of our most popular products is our range of homemade soda pop which we make using sugar water from the Sugar Crystal Cave. This cave is nestled at the heart of the Chocolate Chip Hills. To get there we have to cross the chocolate mousse swamp which is infested with alligator sours, who feed on travelers, giant mosquitos and a fondant ghost.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad. I mean chocolate mousse swamp ought to be a pretty good time. I know several female authors who would happily move there.”

“The chocolate mousse swamp is a great place to stop for a snack. There are delicious marshmallow flowers to enjoy with a dollop of chocolate mousse on top, the only problems are the alligator sours and fondant ghost.”

“There’s always a catch, isn’t there. So what do you do to avoid those hazards?”

“Well, the alligator sours are very fond of the sugar mice I make so I bring a bag of those along to distract them with. I cleverly laid down some chocolate disk stepping stones which helps Lady Sweet and I cross the swamp. The fondant ghost haunts the swamp at night so we get around that by always crossing it during the day time. Once across, we always stop and have a chat and a picnic with the marshmallow sheep who told us the story of the Candy-striped Roc. That is how we knew he was lonely and needed a friend.

“On this latest trip to the Sugar Crystal Cave, the marshmallow sheep warned us that something strange was afoot. The area around the cave was warmer than usual and there were sobbing sounds coming from inside.

“When Lady Sweet and I arrived we quickly saw that something was wrong. The temperature was so high we had to put on our quick freeze suits to make sure we didn’t melt. Once inside we saw the sugar crystals were all starting to melt. Something had to be done or our famous soda pop would be at risk as we use the sugar water run off to make it in my chocolate factory.”

“Bummer. How will you make your soda now?”

“Well, when we ventured inside we came across a very miserable Baked Alaska Dragon. A magnificent creature who breathes fire in different seven different colours depending on his mood. The dragon was very sad and depressed and his fire was blue. Although he looked very fierce, I know something had to be done to save the sugar crystals and cheer up this anguished creature. He was very nice when we approached him and explained that he was very lonely as everyone was afraid of him because of his fierce looks.”

“I know this one author, who shall remain nameless, that could probably slay that dragon in one setting. So what are you going to do?”

“Well, Lisa, in Chocolate Land we prefer to find nonviolent solutions to problems. What this dragon needed was a friend. Lady Sweet remembered the conversation with the marshmallow sheep and their comments that the Candy-striped Roc was also very lonely as he was another scary and fierce creature. We decided to introduce the two creatures and they hit it off straight away. The Baked Alaska Dragon’s fire changed colour to yellow with happiness that very same day. They decided to live together in the Roc’s nest high up in the Chocolate Chip Hills.

“With that problems solved, Lady Sweet and I rushed back to the Sugar Crystal Cave. We had a high powered portable fan that we carry around to keep things cool. We turned this on high and the temperature soon returned to normal and the crystals hardened. We were able to gather more sugar water than usual due to the initial melted state of the sugar crystals so we went home very happy. We won’t need to make this journey again for quite a while as we have plenty of sugar water to keep us going in our factory.”

“That sound like a wonderful solution, Sir. Do you have any closing remarks for us today.”

“Well, we find in Chocolate Land that most fierce creatures also have a kind and tender side. If you can discover this side then they will usually be much more helpful. Look at the trolls, Stinkpot and his wife, who have helped us out more than once after we got to know them a bit better. Most creatures are also keen to help save their environment if it is at all possible so we always get the help we need on our adventures.”

“You can read all about Sir Chocolate’s quest in the book Sir Chocolate and the Sugar Crystal Cave, by Robbie Cheadle and Michael Cheadle. This book also comes with five outstanding recipes, including one that shows you how to make those beautiful sugar crystals yourself. Sounds like a great book to read with your children, and it gains longevity as a craft session later.

“Robbie provided some wonderful photos, and I’ll add those to the website. Don’t forget to click on those sharing buttons today. Sir Chocolate, Robbie, and Michael would do it for you when your character appears on the next Lisa Burton Radio.”

***

Sir Chocolate and Lady Sweet journey to the sugar crystal caves to collect the sugar water they need to make their soda pop. To get to the Chocolate Chip Hills they must cross the Chocolate Mousse Swamp infested with alligator sours and a meringue ghost. When they arrive, they discover that the sugar crystals are melting, and something needs to be done to save them. Learn how to make some four fun creations out of biscuits and the sugar crystals too.

Purchase your copy here and here.

Robbie Cheadle was born in London in the United Kingdom. Her father died when she was three months old and her mother immigrated to South Africa with her tiny baby girl. Robbie has lived in Johannesburg, George and Cape Town in South Africa and attended fourteen different schools. This gave her lots of opportunities to meet new people and learn lots of social skills as she was frequently “the new girl”.

Robbie is a qualified Chartered Accountant and specialises in corporate finance with a specific interest in listed entities and stock markets. Robbie has written a number of publications on listing equities and debt instruments in Africa and foreign direct investment into Africa.

Robbie is married to Terence Cheadle and they have two lovely boys, Gregory and Michael. Michael (aged 11) is the co-author of the Sir Chocolate series of books and attends school in Johannesburg. Gregory (aged 14) is an avid reader and assists Robbie and Michael with filming and editing their YouTube videos and editing their books. Robbie is also the author of the new Silly Willy series the first of which, Silly Willy goes to Cape Town, is now available.

You can follow along with Robbie at the following places:

Blog

Goodreads

Google+

Facebook: @SirChocolateBooks

Twitter: @bakeandwrite

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Beyond Barlow, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Hello all you Lost Boys and Merry Men, you misplaced children of all stripes. You’ve landed on Lisa Burton Radio, the only show out there bringing you the characters from the stories you love. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and today my special guest is Ford Barlow, he’s a runaway stepchild who falls in with a group similar to himself. “Welcome to the show, Ford.”

“Are you…are you of the gods…from out there?”

“In a manner of speaking. And where are you currently?”

“Right here. I mean, in the woods. I wanted to get away from the others for a bit, ya know? And I found this totem in this glade. I’ve never seen one like this before, with lady parts and all.”

“Oh yeah. Now please speak clearly into the ears of the magic totem. Now, Ford, what would make a young man leave his home so suddenly?”

“Well, I’m ashamed to say I made a bad mistake, you see, and someone got hurt, well, killed if I’m honest. I didn’t mean to! It just happened, so I had to leave. I took to these woods and been here ever since.”

“But I understand you’re not living like an animal. There are others in the forest. What can you tell our listeners… um, the spirit thingies about them?”

“Oh yeah! I met these folks ‘bout my age. They call themselves the Wayward Boys and they took me in, treat me good.”

“Camping out with your buds, and living off the land doesn’t sound so bad.”

“No, it ain’t so bad at all. We got along all right, but sometimes are better than others. Winter’s awful hard. Cold cuts right through to the bone and there’s never enough to eat. Whenever we wasn’t all bundled up in our hideout, we’d be out sniffing ‘bout the towns for this and that. I’m ashamed to admit, ma’am or mistress, we take from others now and again when needs must. But I tell you true, it’s not by want, not on my part. All I want’s to get my father’s axe back to him. I took it when I wasn’t thinking straight and, well, I just want him to know I’m better than that.”

“That’s kind of a deep well. Could you maybe slip back one night and leave a note tied around the axe handle?”

“Well, I can’t write and neither can any the Boys, and we don’t have nothing to write with even if we could. And besides, there’s something creeping around out there just now, something nobody’s ever seen before. It’s like demon’s magic or something. Don’t know what it is, but it ain’t good.”

“Ford, I really hope you can find closure with your father somehow. You have to remember that life goes on though. What do you think your future holds?”

“Don’t know…You’re of the gods, maybe you could tell me!”

“Well, um. I guess you have to accept your circumstances and make the best life you can. If you don’t like something, change it.”

“That would be nice… The Boys want to keep me around and I don’t know how I’d get away. Even if I did, where would I go? I couldn’t go back home. They don’t want me back.”

“That’s a problem, for sure. Maybe you can work your way up in the group and find a new life somewhere else?”

“Hmmm, that’s a thought maybe!”

“Any final thought for the, um, spirits today?”

“I just want to give my thanks for the help of the gods.”

“Thanks for, you know, entertaining the spirits today, Ford.

“If you want to read more about Ford and his friends, pick up a copy of Beyond Barlow, by Jason R. Koivu. I’ll post all the deets on the website. Please use those sharing buttons today to help spread the word. I know Jason would do it for you, and we could probably trick Ford into doing the same. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

***

blurb

Ford Barlow is banished from his home and the clansmen he loves after a tragic accident forces him into joining a band of thieving boys. Adventure and fun abound and it seems Ford has found a perfectly fine new home until a mysterious massacre chases the boys away from their beloved woodland hideaway. They pass through a magical and dangerous forest into the arms of conniving bandits. These vicious men and his conscience push Ford to the brink of his moral limits in Beyond Barlow.

Review snippet

“The story was so full of twists and turns that I had trouble putting it down…” – Jasmin Brooks, Amazon user

You can pick up a copy of Beyond Barlow right here.

You can catch up with Jason at jasonrkoivu@mail.com, or on his website.

 

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Filed under Lisa Burton Radio

Blood Match, by Don Massenzio

Don a a great supporter of independent authors, and he’s certainly supported this one. Let’s help him launch his new book today. You might consider following Don’s blog too. He’s the kind of person all authors need to know. – CB

Introducing Kindle Scout Candidate – Blood Match – By Don Massenzio

blood match front coverBlood Match, a new thriller by Don Massenzio is currently a candidate in the Kindle Scout Program.

What is the Kindle Scout Program?

Kindle Scout is reader-powered publishing for new, never-before-published books. … Selected books will be published by Kindle Press and receive 5-year renewable terms, an advance, royalties and featured Amazon marketing.

A Little about the book:

Intelligence analyst Jake Balrich boards his Monday morning flight, as he has so many times, for routine field work. When the plan lands, a passenger fails to wake up. Jake soon realizes that the death was not accidental and that the murderous plot was meant for him.

The situation soon spins out of control with Balrich running for his life trying to prove his own innocence as he struggles with an unknown enemy that seems to guess his every move.

Blood Match is a terrorism thriller examines how far someone will go to reach the height of power and ambition with little regard for human life.

Follow Jake, Balrich as he enlists the help of Commander Brad Rafferty, to take down an enemy more powerful and dangerous than the United States has ever faced.

Some of you may recognize this story. It originally appeared as a weekly serial on my blog under the name Road Kill. The story has been reworked and many extras have been added to turn it into this novel.

Why is it a Kindle Scout Candidate?

If Don’s book is selected for publication by Kindle Scout, it can help take his writing to the next level in terms of exposure and recognition.

How can you help?

First and foremost, you can vote to nominate the book. The campaign goes up on September 20th at midnight and will continue through October 20th. You can vote for it and preview the opening of the book by clicking HERE.

How can you help even more?

Spread the word. Don has made it easy for you using something called Thunderclap. Thunderclap is a social media tool that allows you to effortlessly spread the word using your social media accounts with a pre-written message. All of your followers will receive the message. You can help by signing up for the Thunderclap campaign HERE.

What’s in it for you?

Apart from Don’s eternal gratitude, if his book is selected, you will receive a free pre-launch copy from Amazon and will have the opportunity to officially review it before its launch. That is a free book for you, but it also help, yet again, by allowing the book to launch with established reviews.

Social Media Contacts

Facebook
Website/Blog
Twitter: @dmassenzio
Amazon Author Page

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Darla of Deodanth, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Welcome to this week’s edition of Lisa Burton Radio. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and I’m pretty excited to bring you this week’s guest. Darla is someone a bit different in that she’s a regularly occurring short story character. Many famous characters got their start this way, but it’s kind of an old school method. “Welcome to the show, Darla.”

“Hi. Thank you for having me.”

“Darla, my bio says you live in a South American city, high in the mountains, that was actually founded by the Elder Gods. What can you tell me about that?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it South America, Lisa. It’s not exactly in your world. But that’s a long story. Yes, we live in a beautiful mountain city, Deodanth, in the part of our world that would translate to your South America. My people call these creatures The Elders, and most believe they’re gods, but lately I’ve gotten to know one very well, and they are not gods.”

“Wait, so you guys are walking around with these Cthulhu type things in your city? What’s that like? ”

“I’m not sure what a Cthulhu is. You people have great smelly buses and trains chugging around your city. What’s that like? Our Elders are simply The Elders. They’ve been around forever. They brought The People to Deodanth. They have many tentacles they slither around on, leathery wings, in case they need to fly somewhere fast, and huge big eyes that see right into your soul. They’re sort of a combination Kraken, dragon, and Cocker Spaniel. The Cocker Spaniel part would be the soul gaze.”

“Uh… We don’t have dragons in our world. Dragons aren’t real.”

“Oh… Okay. Well you do have giant creatures that fly, don’t you? I saw one in the sky as I was coming to the studio.”

“That was probably an airplane. You mentioned you had trouble with one of the Elders? What’s his name…”

“I can’t tell you his name. Names are very powerful, and I’d get into trouble. What happened was, a woman hired me as a Finder, to find her dog. ”

“Okay… What does a Finder do?

“Just like it sounds, a Finder finds things. You find a lost dog, lost key, lost child. Anything that’s lost. Much like what your detectives do. A Finder finds out what caused a fire, who stole a warehouse full of grain, who killed someone. So the woman with the lost dog had a little of The Sight, and put a weird clause in the contract. If the dog was tortured or killed, she wanted me to kill the one who did it. I was born into an Assassin House, and trained as one, so that clause didn’t bother me. But I didn’t like the work, and was trying different jobs. That was why I was working as a Finder. Finding a lost dog sounded like a simple job and I couldn’t see how it could possibly lead to killing anyone, so I took it. My own dog Rageth is a superb scent hound, and we simply followed the trail of the lost dog. It led us to the house of an Elder. I didn’t want to go in, it’s a great breach of courtesy, but Rageth insisted the trail led there, so … so I sneaked in. I’m not proud of it, but I wanted to find that dog, and it seemed the only way. I guess I can tell you this, because all of Deodanth probably knows by now. The Elder caught me snooping and threw me into his fungus garden. It’s in a cavern many storeys beneath his house. That’s where I found the lost dog.”

“Wait a minute here. The Elder God was feeding a live doggie to his fungus garden? That would piss me off to the point of being a dangerous robot.”

“The Elder had been secretly capturing people and creatures from Deodanth, and feeding them to his garden. The place was full of mounds of soft dead bodies. The smell was overpowering, the air full of fungus spores. The lost dog, Brevert, and I both became infected, and barely got out alive. It got under our skin and was itchy and painful. It would have eventually filled our bodies completely and been a terrible way to die. We lost all our hair. Assassins don’t lose their hair over a job, and my mother never let me hear the end of it. The treatment was almost worse than the disease. When we finally recovered, I was very angry, and vowed to kill The Elder. Which in fact I did. It was not easy. It felt strange working as a Finder, and killing someone, but I least I didn’t have to find out who did it. But killing an Elder brought the attention of the other Elders. Never a good thing. If we know anything in Deodanth, it’s to keep a low profile.”

“That sounds to me like a good time to get out of town. What did you do?”

“I needed to wait till the uproar died down, so I made nice with my mother and cooled it in the Assassin’s House for the winter. Grew my hair. The valleys below Deodanth are full of ancient ruins, and I guided an expedition in the spring to explore the ruins of Machu Hampacchu. Legends persisted of spirits dwelling there, and there was no telling what we might find. And we found them. The Toads of Machu Hampacchu. It was an incredible experience.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Yes. When I’m not terrified out of my mind, I’m excited.”

“That sounds like a nice segue to another story. I’ve got to tell you, Darla, I’m incredibly attracted to a story titled The Toads of Manchu Hampacchu. There’s so much intrigue in the title. So what’s that one all about?”

“It’s hard to describe. I realize now that there’s more to our worlds than I ever knew or could imagine. For one thing, The Toads are real. But you wouldn’t want to visit them. They’re old, and they’re cranky, and enjoy snacking on humans as much as the next guy. They’re more or less retired and into gardening now. But before the toads and I reached an understanding, the expedition was in big trouble. And on top of that, I found out that the Elder I killed wasn’t quite as dead as I had thought. If it weren’t for the Toads, the people on the expedition and I wouldn’t be alive today.”

“You have such an interesting life, Darla. Do you think your mother will ever let you leave the assassin’s life behind, or is it like a source of side money for you? I mean, you could try being an Uber driver.”

“The Elders are Uber enough for me, thank you. Being an assassin pays well, and you get to wear cool clothing, but not everyone’s cut out for it. My mother must learn this. I need to get away from Deodanth for a while and let her cool off. The next thing I know, she’ll be pressuring me to find a husband and start a family, and I’m not ready for that. First, I want to find out what I’m good at, and what I really want to do with my life. Part of an expedition guide’s duties is to resupply the camp sites, so I’m going to go to the Cirque of Ponies, round some up for carrying supplies, and go down to the coast to buy firewood. That should be a simple task, and I’m going to have a vacation and see the sights. I hear they have great food, many exotic wares in their markets, and snails big as houses. I’m really looking forward to it.”

“It all sounds so interesting. Any closing comments for our listeners today?”

“Hmm. Yes. No matter how much you want to, don’t kill an Elder.”

“If you want to read all about Darla’s ongoing adventures, they can be found in the pages of Cirsova Magazine #5. I’ll post all the deets on the website.

“Help a robot girl out. This show functions by spreading the word about characters and the stories they appear in. It helps me keep the lights on around her when you use those sharing buttons. Tell your peeps about Darla of Deodanth on Facebook, Google Plus, and Twitter. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

***

Purchase your copy of Cirsova #5 here: https://www.amazon.com/Cirsova-Fantasy-Science-Fiction-Magazine-ebook/dp/B06XHJMSS3

Louise Sorensen:

My whole life I painted pictures, until we had a really bad Ice Storm, January 1998. No electricity for nine days in the worst of the Canadian winter. Woodstove burning 24/7 to keep the house from freezing. After that I couldn’t paint anymore. But my muse wouldn’t leave me alone, so I started writing. Been at it ever since. Live on a farm in eastern Ontario, with one dog, two cats, five equines and a wonderful husband.
Social media:

Twitter: @louise3anne

Facebook: Louise Sorensen

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Ichabod Brooks, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Don’t touch that dial, you’ve found Lisa Burton Radio, the only show on the airwaves that interviews the characters from the books you love. I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and this interview is one I’ve looked forward to for a long time. He’s my favorite character from the land of Windemere, and I’ve interviewed a few of them. “Give a warm welcome to Ichabod Brooks.”

“Thanks. Happy to be here and . . . talk. I have to admit that I’m not really sure how this set up works. I didn’t bring anything to help if one of these things explode.”

“Ichabod, your story inspires me. It’s encouraging to find an adventurer with a family. So many adventurers seem to wander from place to place, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I mean, you even have a pet… well, some kind of snort-pig thing. Can you tell our listeners how you make all that work?”

“To be honest, I did the wandering adventurer thing when I was younger. Just followed either the money, the rumors, or whatever caught my attention. Things became more stable when I began taking jobs and issuing contracts to my employers. Guess that’s what helped me make the transition more than most people in my career. Although, I never went for the glory and save the world type of adventures, so I may have been working toward this in the first place without knowing it. Just had to find the right woman and reach an age where I was more interested in putting food on the table than fighting monsters. Not that the latter doesn’t have some appeal.

“How do I make it work? Well, that depends on who you ask. My friends will say that I’m whipped and make it work by letting my wife call the shots. Bards would tell you that there’s nothing I can’t do, which is a blatant lie. My own opinion is that I make sure my wife and I discuss everything. She’s kind of an adventurer too, so we have to plan our jobs in a way that means one of us is always home with our son. There are no secrets between us unless the job involves sensitive material and we can’t legally share. That happens more with her than me since I avoid those headaches on principle. That principle is that I don’t want to deal with those types of messes.

“Only other piece of advice I can give is to make every minute of family time count. Romantic time with my wife and play time with my son are very important to me. Never know when my luck will run out or if I’ll ever reach retirement. This is one of the reasons I bring home trophies for my son and spend time telling him the stories. The real ones and not those abominations that the bards sing about me. Nobody could possibly defeat fifty trolls with a single shot of their longbow. Not unless they used fireball arrows and led the monsters into an enclosed area that’s been doused in oil. Fine, I guess it is possible.”

“There is a clause in your contract that warms my circuits. Before you take any job, they have to agree that you can claim a souvenir for your son. I’ve read your stories, and he must have quite a collection by now.”

“Funny how that started. My son hadn’t been born yet and an employer gave me a souvenir to bring home. This was a pinecone from a tree that had grown to take over an entire castle and I managed to revert it back to its normal state. That gave me the idea of adding the clause because it will help my son remember and learn about my real adventures. Last thing I want is for him to think the bard songs are all true. As far as size, the collection is in one room of the house and he can only get in there with me or my wife. I’ll admit to having a few dangerous items in there, but a friend specializes in display cases and he gives me a good deal for bulk products.

“Bards? Let me tell you about the bards! Do you have any idea how many of them wanted to sponsor today’s show? I was bombarded with CDs and demo tapes. I finally had to run one off at gunpoint because he staked out the studio. I mean, I’ve had to deal with paparazzi a time or two, but these guys are crazy.”

“Guess they caught wind of you having a big audience. Must be newcomers to the trade because the veterans are a lot more discreet and respectful. They still lie because they claim it’s good for business. There was one adventure where I traveled with a bard to handle some rogue barbarians. His name was Rebec and he latched onto me at a tavern. Couldn’t shake the man and he was trouble from the start. He nearly got us killed a few times and then made it sound like I took out an entire tribe when it was just a handful of warriors in a very narrow mountain pass. This is why I prefer traveling with friends who have no financial interest in lying about my exploits. Can’t get very far in this job without friends.”

“Oh yeah, Dex, Morgan, and Meg. They say no man is an island, and you have some pretty good help when you need it. Dex seems like a handy guy, tell our listeners about him.”

“Where to even start with a piece of work like Dex? As far as dwarves go, he’s fairly cuddly once you get to know him. Feels far too clinical to call him a good example of a great friend, but he’s there for me both on and off the job. We try to get together once a month to have a few drinks and get the families together. Dex doesn’t have kids, so he enjoys spoiling my son whenever he’s over. That and telling exaggerated tales of our adventures in order to get under my skin.

“Hard to remember when we first met too. Dex says it was when we were assigned to the same job, but I swear we got into a barfight two months prior to that. You can’t really forget a beard that red and elegantly braided. At my age, the memory doesn’t always work the way it’s supposed to.

“We don’t get to adventure together as often as we used to. Dex’s specialty is mountaineering, so I go to him whenever I have a job that requires a lot of climbing. My knee and lower back make those jobs more difficult. Hate to depend on him more than he depends on me, which is why he’s trying to help me get the kinks out. Now he has Meg helping him with this self-proclaimed quest because she wants me to stay in shape in case she needs me. Her expertise is the ocean and I recently worked with them to retrieve an artifact called Zaria’s Kiss. Kind of wish they were still squabbling instead of getting along because having a dwarf and a gnome teaming up on you is no picnic. Better to have them on my side.”

“I loved that one. It not only provided a great adventure underwater, it also hinted at the larger pantheon of Windemere. Would you like to offer some closing remarks to our listeners today? Then I have one more question, more of a request actually.”

“Not really sure what you mean by closing remarks, but I guess I’m just hoping people enjoy my real story. I’ve had plenty of adventures and this chat has left me more nervous than all of those combined. As you can tell, I’m not much of a talker. That definitely helps in the adventurer trade because you need to listen for danger and to your employer. Guess it’s nice to end with some advice like that.”

“Can I have your autograph?”

“I don’t see why not. Mostly because you asked politely. Good to see a youngster show some manners.”

“For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. Don’t forget to tell your social circles about The Life and Times of Ichabod Brooks. You do that by using the sharing buttons on the website. I’ll also include purchase links, and you don’t want to miss this one”

***

Enter the world of Windemere with 11 action adventure short stories featuring a man who is out to make an honest living.

Some heroes seek fame. Some seek fortune. Others simply want to save the world. Ichabod Brooks only wants to put food on the table for his family.

Known and respected as the man who can get any job done, Ichabod has seen his share of adventure. Most of which have been highly exaggerated by bards. Still, the man has his famous reputation for a reason. Whether it be climbing a temperamental mountain for eggs or escorting orphans to their new homes, Ichabod takes every job seriously and makes sure he is as prepared as he can be. Not that it helps since things always take a turn for the worse.

Pick up a copy of The Life & Times of Ichabod Brooks right here.

 

 

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.

Blog: www.legendsofwindemere.com

Twitter: @cyallowitz

Facebook: Charles Yallowitz

Website: www.legendsofwindemere.com

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Adventures in La-La Land, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Coming at you with 1.21 jigawatts of power, it’s Lisa Burton Radio, the only show where I interview the characters from the books you love. My special guest today is Moe Fishbein. He lives in LA, and dabbles a little in skip tracing, vehicular repossession, and even the law on rare occasions. “Welcome to the show, Moe.”

“Good to meetcha, Lisa. But please…my friends just call me Fish.”

“Lawyers make bank, and I’ll bet Los Angeles is an interesting market. Why would someone walk away from that kind of career to go solo?”

“You ever heard of a law firm called Uptight, Rigid, Repressed and Lipshitz? Hey, if somebody – or some government agency – is hassling you and you’ve got the bucks, they’ve got the power, the muscle and the connections to make it go annoy somebody else. I was an associate there for almost five years, then I just couldn’t take another day of defending the rich and powerful for committing the indefensible. So, I told the management committee to take their partnership offer letter and use it as a suppository.

“Now I live at the beach, on top of a cliff that overlooks the little cove where they used to park Jim Garner’s trailer when they were shooting Rockford Files. Now, I just dabble. Practice a little law here…a little vehicle repoing and bounty hunting there. Backed up by my two best buds in the world…Einstein, who’s all but dissertation on his Ph.D. in physics. And Kenny, who became my first bail capture, legal client and employee – all on the same freakin’ day.

“What else do you want to know? Lived in L.A. my whole life. Pretty much grew up next door to the Brady Bunch. Did a little time at UCLA and Valley State. Kicked around restaurants as a sous chef for a few years, while I went to night law school. Quickly became the Uptight, Rigid, Repressed and Lipshitz associate voted most likely to royally piss off the Appellate Court. Go ahead, call me a wise-ass. WTF, everybody does. I’m kind of like John McLane from Die Hard…but without the firepower.

“Sure, we work hard. And we’re pretty damn good at getting the job done – without fracturing too many statutes along the way. But, this is L.A. we’re talking about. With a heavy side order of the entertainment industry. Where EVERYBODY packs a hyphen and valet parks on the whacko side of the street. So, we usually don’t have to go looking for trouble. It’s always got our GPS coordinates.”

“Repo and bounty work is kind of dangerous. Seems to me the courtroom is a safer place to earn a living.”

“That’s why I never go out on a job alone… Hey, Sinatra had his Rat Pack, right? Well, I’ve got Einstein and Kenny. And Beast, my head of security. We all keep an eye on each other’s 6. Kenny is fully fluent in ‘Dude’. He stumbled out of the 70’s a few brain cells lighter than when he face-planted in, and is sniper/scout material when it comes to paint ball guns. Einstein is close to his Ph.D. in theoretical physics, and he never met a neutrino he didn’t like. Especially, the ones that hang around the ignition system of your average deadbeat’s car. And Beast? He started out as a pampered little Beverly Hills lap pooch. Now he’s rockin’ a tiny little body full of dredds, day-glo patches of dyed fur, beads…and whole new attitude. He’s my little go-to guy.”

“Where did you boys go?”

“Where, on our little vacation? Hey, where does anybody who can spell the words Harley and Davidson want to spend their vacation?

“I’ll even give you a little hint: picture more than a million Harley owners. Partying HARD in a Black Hills town of only about 8,000. Hey, forget Tomorrowland. Sturgis, South Dakota HAS to be the freakin’ happiest place on Earth. And me, Kenny, Einstein and another bud, are all lickety-splitting our way down the highway to get there. Then we get picked up by a force of nature named Shawna Kretschman, a bad-ass blonde with her own full-race hog. Not to mention a short fuse, some serious fighting skills and an outfit that leaves zippo to the imagination. So, now we’re all headed for Sturgis to link up with more than a million of our best buds and budettes at the town’s annual Motor Cycle Rally.

“Too bad we never got the memo about the real estate developer who wanted all the bikers gone, so he could sell the area as a family-oriented resort town. And how he’d stop at nothing – including murder – to get it. All of a sudden, bikers and locals are dropping all over town. And me, my lady friend, my buds and my big mouth are all in the developer’s crosshairs.

“We’re all on a weird-ass collision course that includes phony cops and bar fights, pepper spray-laced paint balls, a no-holds-barred wrestling match in a ring full of chocolate pudding and getting adopted by the Sioux nation. Even a little manscaping.

“Y’know, like the old rock ‘n roll song says, “girls just wanna have fun”. Shawna says they also wanna have a lavender-tanked hog and bottomless saddlebags packing everything from high fashion to large caliber playthings; thigh-high leather boots to latex-covered toys.”

“Oh I like her. We sound like kindred spirits, only I carry all my stuff in my sidecar.

“You ride?”

“Oh yeah. It’s a modern build of an old Army motorcycle. That’s a sweet Panhead you rode in here.”

“Funny, Lisa. Mine’s a modern build of an old classic, too. Right down to the puddle of engine oil that’s always on my garage floor. And the hardtail frame that sends so much vibration and road shock my way, it’s paying for my proctologist’s vacation home on Maui…

“Yup, I definitely think you and Shawna would get along. Tell you what—let me give her a quick call, and we can all go out for a fictional drink when we’re done. Get to know each other, have a few laughs…maybe insult the Hell out of a wise guy or a city councilman, or something…”

“I’m curious, Fish. How’d the two of you get together?”

“Actually, we met about five years ago, over a not-quite so stolen RV in Twin Falls, Idaho. The owner was more than a year behind on the payments, so the bank sent us there to repo his rig. And Shawna ended up booking us into Twin Falls’ right friendly little jail…and treating us to a complimentary de-lousing and the jail’s Grand Theft Auto suite. When the boys in blue figured out that we had legitimately repoed the RV, they let us go. Then they found the body of the owner stuffed into a large freezer in the belly of the beast, and Shawna got to give us our official welcome and de-lousing again—this time for murder. When all THAT got sorted out, I ended up inviting her down to Malibu for a few days of surf, sun and whatever.

“She showed up on a surprise visit about a month ago, right as we were getting to hit the road for Sturgis, South Dakota, and the biggest biker party in the business. And, we’ve been ‘whatever-ing’ a ton ever since.”

“What do you think, Fish? Was it kismet that brought the two of you together? Fate? Karma?”

Hah! Nah. Probably just a writer with a vivid imagination and a warped sense of humor. But if you tell Shawna, I swear, I’ll deny every word.”

“Fish, you’re fun, and you certainly don’t leave for any dead airspace. Any last thoughts for our listeners today?”

“Hey, thanks for taking the time to hang with me today, Lisa. This has been a ton of fun. Gotta tell you, you’re good people – even for an android. Seriously, thanks.”

“If you want to learn more about Fish and his friends, pick up the Adventures in La-La Land series by Jeff Lee. I’ll post all the pertinents on the website.

“Don’t forget to tip your waitress by using those sharing buttons. I know Jeff and Fish would appreciate it, and they’ll do the same when your character appears on the next Lisa Burton Radio.”

***

Hurricane Kretchman is book number four in the Adventures in La-La Land series, featuring Fish and all his friends.

You can download it directly at this link.

If you’re like many of us and prefer to start at the beginning, you can find all the books at Jeff’s Amazon Author Page.

You can check out Jeff, and follow him, at the following locations:

Website

Facebook

Twitter

 

Jeff Lee Bio:

 

 

Born in New York and raised near San Francisco, I’ve been a copywriter and creative director for some of the country’s most creative ad agencies. Won a lot of silly awards for my creativity and wise-ass sense of humor.

And I’ve been writing in L.A. since before KC even HAD a Sunshine Band.

So, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that, given half a chance, this city can be a never-ending cavalcade of rib-tickling fun — and funny — things, people and approaches to this thrill ride we call life.

 

Like phony televangelists who produce biblical-themed porn for the faithful.

 

Bat-shit crazy showbiz moms.

 

Defrocked talent agents posing as Reality Show producers.

 

The Rose Parade.

 

And on.

 

And on.

 

It never freakin’ ends with this place.

 

There’s always something — or someone — to gape at and giggle over.

 

I tell ya, you’ve just GOT to love this town!

 

It’s the law.

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