Sniff, blech, snot

I have a ritual of speaking to my parents every Sunday. First I get Mom, then I talk to Dad. It took me years to train them not to get on the phone at the same time.

Dad always manages to ask how everyone is feeling. I honestly answered that everyone was great. By noon, I was feverish and trying to cough up my liver.

Fingers crossed, my flex day was Monday. Maybe this would pass and I wouldn’t have to miss any work. Stupid human, microbes care not for your hopes and dreams.

I spent most of the day in bed Monday. Then I “went” to bed about 6:00. I never got up until 7:00 the next day.

I coughed most of the night, and had to get up hourly for various reasons, mostly involving spitting. A few involving shivering fever-like symptoms.

Last night wasn’t much better.

I went to the doctor today, but didn’t have a lot of hope. I know the drill with a virus. They gave me some nasal spray that ought to help. The pharmacist changed it out for a generic version of Flonase.

My MO is to check for the dosage. I flipped the box over, and learned not to take it if I’m addicted to certain substances, pregnant, have a bad attitude, or might ever have a cataract. When I reached the bottom, it invited me to open the box and read the paper inside to find the directions.

By this point, I was getting a little pissed off, but after passing muster with their lawyers, I figured I was home safe.

Turns out this paper has all of their corporate history, names of their future entitled children, and other information I really don’t need to know. Then it invited me to flip it over and look at the cartoons.

In other words, I’m sufficiently trained to read all of their disclaimers and corporate bullshit, but need a cartoon to explain how to blast this shit up my nose.

Turns out some kind of assembly is required. This thing was shrink wrapped so tightly, I couldn’t get it open. It did not come with the standard perforations that I’m familiar with to help remove the shrink wrap. I tried scissors, but this crap was so tight I couldn’t slip a blade under the wrap. Finally, I resorted to a knife.

Seems odd to me they didn’t have a disclaimer about using a knife and driving it through your hand while attempting to open it. Seems like they’re setting themselves up for a lawsuit. Heaven help them if I’d have punctured the bottle and sprayed this crap in my eyes. Probably causes cataracts.

I also got some kind of Pseudoephedrine pills that Old What’s Her Face had to sign her life away for. Honestly, I have more faith in these. Time will tell.

I still nodded off multiple times today. Work tomorrow is still questionable. I may have to get up, then decide.

It took several tries to write this blog post out. It may not even be good, but at least give me a handicap.

I haven’t written a single word of fiction this week either. That’s a double impact for me. My brain hasn’t been in the right place.

Does researching biological weapons for a story mean you’re going to come down with one of them? I can’t imagine Ebola feels any worse.

Honestly, if I surfed past your blog and hit the like button, feel honored. That’s about all I could manage.


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52 responses to “Sniff, blech, snot

  1. Before you hit like did you use sanitizer? Oh, that’s okay I hit the like button with napalm. It should be fine. Seriously I hope you feel better.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow. That sounds like an unnecessary bottle for medicine. Hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. They want you to cut yourself opening the nasal spray. Then you’ll need stitches and one of their tetanus shots.

    I don’t expect an answer. You should be resting. Hope you’re better tomorrow.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. OH CRAP. Didn’t I say OH CRAP?!?
    Although this post had me in stitches, I am sorry for your generic Flonase packaging. Packaging and I don’t get along and I am no good with blades. I always wonder at what age I won’t be able to drink juice or coffee creamer…
    I sure hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Craig,I feel really horrible that you feel so badly and I seriously hope all the meds help soon ad you are back to normal in no time.

    But–OMG!–this post had me in stitches. Your brand of humor really resonates with me. You might be under the weather but this post was a gem. Every line was gold. I feel bad that I’m laughing when you’re sick, but you nailed it with this. It’s a keeper 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Okay, I have no heart. The longer I read about your miseries, the harder I laughed. Sorry you’re sick, but you sure made it sound funny!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hope you feel better, Craig! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Poor Craig. Just as well you’re not pregnant – that stuff can really mess you up if you are. I’d be out on account of the ‘bad attitude’. Feel better soon!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I am so sorry you are ill, Craig. Viruses are horrible and they seem to last forever. Get well soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. It worried me. I thought you cut yourself. What’s wrong with the shrink wrapped box. It doesn’t make sense that even a knife couldn’t make its way through. As miserable as I think you are, you made sense in this post. If I get up every hour, my head would be swimming in the fog.
    Hope you’ll get through this soon. Oh, my husband put Eucalyptus oil in the hot water and breath in the hot mist. It seemed to help him.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. harmonykent

    I hope you feel better soon, Craig. I tell you, any childproof containers mean they’re also Harmony-proof, lol. I can never get into the bleddy things. Sorry you’re having such a tough time.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Harmony. I don’t know why they go to such extremes. I went back to check the dosage this morning because I don’t trust my brain right now. One of their instructions was written, “If you are four years old or under…” How many four year olds can read?

      Liked by 1 person

      • harmonykent

        That’s nuts, Craig. I know what you mean about the brain thing … I got pretty dippy doo when I had the flu last month, lol. Feel better soon. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  12. After reading so many nightmare instructions for medication, I have given up. Most of what the doctors give us will actually do us harm one way or another, so now I don’t take anything. Might as well die under my own steam, so to speak!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Glad to hear you’re not pregnant, Craig. Get some rest – hope you feel better!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Well crap!! Feel better soon. I sympathize with the chore of opening some of the packaging these days. It’s like those blister packs you get that don’t have a corner to start to open them. Ugh! Ridiculous! Anyway, hope you are up and around and back to yourself soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Mm hmm… that’ll teach you to say you were fine. Over here they call it Sod’s Law.
    Seriously – get well, mate! Life’s too short to spend it in a sickbed.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: Five Links 3/1/19 Loleta Abi | Loleta Abi

  18. would you be surprised to learn there are two other posts with the title Sniff, blech, snot…? I was. Yours had the most likes and comments by orders of magnitude (getting the super sized meal is also an order of magnitude).

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Sorry you’re sick. Hope you feel better soon.

    I’m trying to catch up from being offline because of my recent hospital trip. I’ve been reading your posts from the past couple of weeks, but haven’t commented on them. I’m glad you managed to get plenty of writing done before you got sick, even if it wasn’t always as much as planned. Did you ever fix that problem with the quotation marks? Oh, and I loved when you shared the tabs you had open.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. well ick Craig. Hope this passes quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Aww, poor you, Craig! I hope you’re on the mend, my friend. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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