The Frank Rozzani Detective Agency, on Lisa Burton Radio

Don’t touch that dial. You’ve found Lisa Burton Radio, the only show that brings you the characters from the books you love to read. This episode is for you amateur detectives, the mystery solving maniacs among you, and those who crave a big puzzle as part of your reading regimen.

I’m your host, Lisa the robot girl, and with me in the studio today is Frank Rozzani and Clifford Jones the third. “Welcome to the show, fellas.”

“Please call me Jonesy. Clifford is the horrible name my parents gave me. My mom was so embarrassed, she called me Trey for the third.”

“Alright, Jonesy. You two boys team up in a kind of private detective agency. That’s kind of an unusual profession, or is it more of a hobby?”

“Well, for Jonesy, it’s a hobby. For me, it’s turning into a profession although I get paid like it’s a hobby sometimes.”

“Frank’s right. Although, when people come to us to find lost cats and lost wallets, I think we might even need to get a new hobby.”

“I want to get into your background, Frank, if that’s okay. It makes some sense that a police officer could become a PI. Why don’t you just work inside the system? You could be a cop in Jacksonville as easily as New York.”

“I was a policeman. Being forced to take on a case I didn’t want got my wife killed. Being a PI lets me pick my own cases. There are a lot of people in this community that need help that can’t afford a P.I. I’m able to help them out. Someone has to help the underdog.”

“Hmm, underdog, is that what led you to Jonesy?”

“I consider myself more like Shaggy from Scooby Doo instead of being the actual dog.”

“Jonesy is selling himself short. You’re looking at a guy who passed the bar without studying, is a computer genius, surfs and he also does a decent job of playing the drums in my jazz trio.”

“Someone has to drown out your piano playing.”

“Now, Frank, let’s talk about that personal project. People aren’t going to warm up to a character who abandons his children like you did. You probably have to help a lot of underdogs to balance that book.”

“Ouch, Lisa. Way to hit a guy below the belt.”

“It’s okay, Jonesy. Since you brought it up, my kids had to go into witness protection. The witness I protected brought down a significant chunk of the mob with his testimony. I was threatened and I figured if I was going to get out of town, I needed to protect my kids. They offered all three of us witness protection, but I have some unfinished business with the people who murdered my wife.

“I’ll be glad if they come and look for me. I’ll be waiting, but they better hope I don’t find them first. So you see, I help underdogs because no one else will. It’s not related to guilt. It’s just something that needs to be done.”

“When you explain it that way, it’s really more of a sacrifice than abandonment. I’m glad you took the time to explain it. There’s going to come a time when you have to let go of the past to take advantage of the future. I mean, you’re a nice looking man. You’ve got almost a Bradley Cooper thing going on, and a nicer jacket, maybe a decent haircut, and lots of women would be interested in you.”

“Well, he does share his bed with a lovely female. She is a beauty, despite the bad breath. Tell her about Lucy, Frank.”

“Jonesy, you’re in full wise-ass mode today. Lucy is a dog. I’d say she’s my dog, but she just kind of showed up at my trailer the day I moved in. The trailer is my office. I rent it from Sam Monreaux. He’s the proprietor of a local restaurant where Jonesy and I play with our Jazz trio on weekends. He is also the benefactor to a lot of local underdogs and subsidizes a lot of the cases we take on.”

“You still didn’t answer her question about women. What are you, a politician? Answer the question you were asked.”

“I…just. I just need some time. My wife’s death is not something I’ll get over easily. Maybe when I find the bastards responsible I’ll be ready to move on. It’s just not something I want right now.”

“Oh, honey, you’re so broken. Maybe a nice girl can help you out of this dark place. Plenty of women like to fix things for their man. What about that lady detective, what was her name?”

“Yeah, Frank what about Anita?”

“Um, Thanks Jonesy. Anita is like my sister. Besides, let’s just say, we have the same taste in potential partners.”

“Okay, moving on then. Tell us about your latest project.”

“In our latest case, Jonesy and I had to go undercover to investigate the disappearance of twin 10-year-old girls. They were on a cruise with their parents and they just disappeared. Their dad was an ex-Navy Seal and we enlisted his help on this one.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing he helped us or Frank could have ended up visiting Davy Jones’ locker.”

“No thanks to you, Jonesy. You were off enjoying the fun and sun in Panama when that happened.”

“Fun and sun? Is that what you call it. I felt like I was at a Rambo wannabe convention.”

“Anyway, the case was a tough one, especially going under cover.”

“It wasn’t that bad. We had to blend in with the musicians on the cruise ship. It was kind of fun.”

“Maybe for you. At any rate, this was the fifth in a line of high-profile cases, but this one was special because of the age of the victims and the ruthlessness of the bad guys.”

“Gents, it’s been fun, but we’re about out of time. I sincerely hope you can find those little girls. Any last words for our listeners?”

“Cases like the one we are currently on are becoming a specialty. If despicable people want to victimize defenseless members of my community, they’re going to pay a price. Jonesy and I won’t let it stand. We will come after you and we will catch you. You might want to do yourself a favor and turn yourself it. It will be the easier way out, trust me.”

“Lisa, thanks for having us. All kidding aside, Frank is right. Mess with our people and we will mess with you. Thanks for letting us put the word out.”

“Check out the entire Frank Rozzani Detective Series. I’ll include all the contact data on the website. I’m always looking for guests, so if you’d like to have a character on Lisa Burton Radio, drop me a line.

“Help me keep the lights on around here by using the sharing links on Craig’s blog. I’ll appreciate it, and I’m sure Frank and Jonesy would too. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton.”

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