Dear Lisa Vol. 2, on #LisaBurtonRadio

Lisa Burton

Hey, hipsters, Lisa Burton the robot girl here, and today we’re doing something fun. I don’t have a guest to interview, so we’re holding another episode of Dear Lisa. This is where I flip through some of the fan mail, and answer it on the air. Stick with me, it’ll be fun.

Our first letter comes from Long Island and wants to know what my first job was.

I try really hard to be just as human as everyone else, but admit that I’m a little different. I was created in a concept lab as both a promotional tool, and to demonstrate what the future of robotics could hold. Part of the bargain was to plant me into society and see how I adapt as a human. Some people are nervous nellies, and were terrified that I’d go all Skynet on them. That meant the police department was the only place they’d let me work. They were better equipped to watch over me, so to speak.

At the Hudson Police Department, I was assigned to the homicide squad. My absolute very first job was to make a Vice sweep. It’s kind of a hazing slash welcome to the department kind of thing. I caught some perps too. The night ended early when we got a call about a body someone found.

This next one is kind of sad, and I’m going to read it so you get the gist of it.

Dear Lisa,

Lately my boyfriend is always showing up late. He tells me football practice ran late, but I’ve got my doubts. I’ve also noticed him checking out my fellow cheerleaders when he comes to pick me up. I’m afraid if I confront him, he’ll leave me. He’s the most popular boy in school. I can’t lose him. What should I do?

Signed,

Heartbroken in High School

This is something I can really sink my teeth into, and there are a couple of ways to answer you. Since it’s my show, I’m going to do both. You can’t hack into his phone and computer, like I can. You can try taking a look at his phone when he’s at practice. You might find all kinds of evidence on social media, text messages, those kind of places. There are any number of small drones you can use to see what he’s up to when you’re out of sight too. That seems simple enough, but may not be the best option.

The second part of this answer is that you seem to need him to establish your own value. The only way you described him is how popular he is. You didn’t tell me anything about him except that he plays football and is popular. No mention of his cute smile, or how he makes you feel. You need to find a way to feel valuable without him. When you’ve done that, he might be an asset. Without your own feeling of self worth, you’ll never be stable in the relationship.

The last one for today is from Yukon, Canada. This person wants to know why Bunny is so important to me.

For new people, Bunny is my pet rabbit. He and I have a lot of similarities. He is a genetically modified organism, I have GMO human skin covering my chassis. My original experiment involved me being broken down into my component parts at the end to study for wear and tear. Bunny is a Kansas City Broiler, and he was going to be broken down into his component parts too.

I rescued Bunny and saved him from the butcher shop, and in doing so he inspired me to save myself. I found my own self worth, and decided not to be broken down at the end of my experiment. It was a struggle, and I suffered some real loss. Bunny and I got through it together, and we stay together through thick and thin.

That was fun, and we should do it again some time. In order to do it, I need your fan mail. You can drop me a comment here on the blog, Facebook me, or send me an email. I’ll hang onto the the questions for a future edition of Dear Lisa.

This broadcast is primarily for me to interview characters from the books you love to read. I’m in need of characters again too. I have a few questionnaires out in cyberspace somewhere, but nothing broadcast ready right now. Authors, send me your protagonists, your colorful supporting characters, even your antagonists. I’d love to help promote their books. Return visits aren’t just allowed, they’re encouraged.

If you aren’t an author, you can still send a question for me to answer. You can also tell someone about Lisa Burton Radio by using the sharing buttons below. For Lisa Burton Radio, I’m Lisa Burton. Have a great day.

***

Lisa can be reached at coldhand (dot) boyack (at) gmail (dot) com, on Facebook, or in the comments.

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40 Comments

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40 responses to “Dear Lisa Vol. 2, on #LisaBurtonRadio

  1. Lisa has just reminded me that I have a few more interesting characters in my cupboard!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Legends of Windemere and commented:
    Looking for a book promotion that’s fun and free?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cool Bunny origin. What were the modifications on him? Also, if the kid is in high school then I doubt he’s good at lying and covering his tracks right now. So many ways to undo his deceptions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bunny is a modern agricultural product. I have no idea what mods were made, but he’s huge, maybe pig DNA. I think maybe “Heartbroken” should listen to Lisa’s second piece of advice. There are laws about the first part.

      Like

      • True. There are legal ways to get him to slip up, but she has to think about herself first. I’ve read about huge rabbits before. So, is Bunny bigger than them? Since he’s a rodent then maybe some capybara DNA. Those get pretty huge too.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I love Bunny! It was nice hearing Lisa explain their connection. Also nice hearing about Bunny when I’m looking at a multitude of hares on your wallpaper. They are hares, right? I know you did a “lesson” on the difference a while back.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Will be in touch re another character interview after April Fools is over, Lisa. Stupid busy here with house renovation prep just now so must dash and take some pictures off the walls and start packing before the guys with sledgehammers arrive to knock down walls! gulp 😦
    Love to bunny! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, Lisa, how I adore you.

    And kudos to you for your advice to Heartbroken in High School. (Well, the second part, although I understand the thoughts behind the first.) People really need to learn how to value who they are outside of others.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lisa, you’re the bomb!

    Dear Lisa,

    My dad ran over all my video games with his lawnmower! What a jerk. Just because I’m 30 years old and still live at home with no job, he thinks it’s okay to destroy my stuff. I have a good mind to– Well, anyway, I’m writing to you for advice. I plan to play video games professionally. That’s a job, right? How can make my parents understand?

    Signed,

    Frustrated in Farmington

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dear Lisa,

    My two sons drive me insane with their constant bickering. Between you and me, my eldest, Nathan, starts it. He thinks he’s the cat’s meow, and he never misses a chance to smear his good looks in poor Robbie’s face. He’s my baby. Such a wonderful boy, too, with straight A’s and on the honor roll every year. Nathan, on the other hand, has girls in and out of his room at all hours. He doesn’t think I know, but I do. I even slip condoms into his leather jacket. Lord knows if he ever uses them. At my tender age, I can’t be a grandmother! Ahem. Excuse me. My question is, how do i stop the rivalry between them? It’s not Robbie’s fault he wasn’t born with more brains than brawn.

    Signed,

    Desperate in Dakota

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hahahahahaha! Okay, I’m done. Back to work…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Good job, Lisa. I liked your second bit of advice to that high school girl. Good job, Craig.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Always love hearing what Lisa has to say. And I love that she keeps reminding us that she isn’t human. She seems so “real.” 🙂 Great post, Craig!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Honestly, shouldn’t he be looking at her fellow cheerleaders? I mean, they’re cheerleaders, we’re sposta look at em… I agree on your assessment, Lisa. I’m not sure she’s confident enough to date right now. 😛

    Does Lisa have any suggestions on how to cook carrots faster? Or why the carrots at the market are the size of my arm? We’re hungry bunnies over here and I just don’t think raw carrots go with chicken and dumplings.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I love Lisa. Her advice to the lover who may be scorned was spot on. Not who is HE, but how does he make ME feel? If it’s not there, don’t try to make it be. Anyways, I’ve been crazy busy with the grandkids out for spring break. Today we played putt-putt at Pirate’s Cove. It’s always something, isn’t it? Looking forward to Vegas in a couple of weeks. The weather has been so beautiful here lately that I can’t force myself to sit down and write or read. I’m always outside doing something.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. I have been slacking off too. I started reading a book, but haven’t had a chance to pick it up again in over a week. I also have some other promo obligations to work on. Someday I’ll get back to it. I have a hunch the water Pokemon isn’t a big event in Florida, but here in the desert everyone is out and you have to be careful driving.

      Like

  14. Pingback: Writing Links 3/27/17 – Where Genres Collide

  15. Pingback: Guest robot: Lisa Burton – An invitation | Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

  16. I love the idea of using your character as your spokesperson. Interesting read, thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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