Don’t touch that dial! You’ve found Lisa Burton Radio. Now broadcasting to alternate dimensions, and all across the known universe at one point twenty-one jigawatts of power. I’m your host, Lisa Burton, the robot girl.
We have a very special guest today, Veronica Kane, also known as Giant Girl. Welcome to the show Ronni.
“Hello Lisa! Thanks for having me on the show. I don’t usually get interviewed except by insurance claims adjustors, so this is a treat for me.”
“I love Giant Girl Adventures comics, and am excited for our listeners to meet you. You’re a very interesting super-being in that you’re not overly successful. What can you tell us about that?”
“Suuuure, we can start with that. I gave the folks at Giant Comics rights to publish stories based on my adventures years ago, but I’ll never see a dime of it because of all the lawsuits for property damage and such that I’m always stuck with. Basically when your power-set involves getting very big and you do a commensurate amount of damage, it makes you less than popular. Let’s put it this way, I caught a guy’s car that flew off a skyway in Dallas last week, and he’s suing me for the damage to his car that I caused in catching it before it and him became a pancake.
“There’s gratitude for ya, right? That’s my life in a nutshell. But what are you gonna do? People love to sue.”
“Well, I don’t know what people expect. When you grow to a thousand feet tall, there’s bound to be damage. How upset would they be if you just walked away from a bad guy and let them get destroyed?”
“Well, I have tried that… I mean no, I can’t in good conscience just walk away. Heck, most of the time trouble won’t let me walk away. Or talk sense to it or convince it to go somewhere a little more private. I mean, I try to make violence my absolute last resort, but some people are just determined to play king of the hill. It’s just that I’m the hill…”
“Our listeners might not know this, but you can also make yourself really small. Maybe that’s a good way to hide from lawyers and judgments.”
“Eh, good for dodging process servers but the law always gets ya. Yes, I can actually shrink myself and other things I touch, just like my growth power. That’s how my outfit is always so nicely tailored- a little shrink here, a little grow there and presto! It’s just that getting super-small in a fight isn’t very sexy so the press seldom pays attention to that unless they are blaming me for running away.
“Um, present company excluded. Obviously.”
“I’m known for being into fashion. I have to say I love your style. The red dress, the coat of many pockets. I’m a little sad about the hat. It was so iconic. Is there any hope you’ll get it back some day?”
“Yeah… that hat. I loved that thing- it was the very best part of my outfit. But you wear a big red hat and they are gonna call you Carmen Sandiego no matter what else you wear… though all red and black was probably not the best choice to avoid that comparison, honestly.”
“I always thought Carmen SanDiego was awesome. I wouldn’t let her bother you. Truth be told, you wear it better.”
“Aw, you are very sweet! That was part of the problem, I wanted to be the Lady In Red, and the rubber boots and gloves really do make handy insulators. Giants go through a LOT of power-lines, trust me, and those shocks hurt. So the modern outfit is form and function- I’m so glad you like it!”
“Ronni, we have someone waiting on the line to talk to you. Welcome to the show, Kumiko Kanzaki, also known as Badonkasaurus.”
“Thanks for having me, please pardon me- it is difficult using this tiny phone with fifteen foot claws.”
“Now Kumiko, you and Ronni had one of the most iconic Kaiju battles ever. You even destroyed Tokyo in the classic fashion. Do you still feel hostility toward Ronni?”
“Yes. While it is not Giant Girl’s fault that I am trapped as a 75 meter tall green scaly monster with an enormous posterior, we are opposing forces, yin and yang. It is theorized that I was born of the earth to be a check to her power, and I admit I am always eager to battle her once more!”
“Greeeeeat. You know, I still get blamed for that battle in Tokyo? I begged her to not fight with me and talk about it but noooo…”
“I had just been transformed into a kaiju, destroying my workplace in the process! I was traumatized. And you called me Badonkasaurus!”
“You always complain about that name. Personally I think it suits you, so there. That day you transformed you were mad at the world and I was the biggest thing in your line of sight. If not for me you would have leveled all of Tokyo that day. Then I wonder how much the Japanese people would love you, hm?”
“Please. You wanted that fight, Giant Girl! Otherwise you could have shrunk me down to normal size and no one would have gotten hurt!”
“Are you kidding me?!? That was the first thing I tried. I have no idea how or why but my powers don’t work on you.”
“… wait, really?”
“Are you kidding me with this? What kind of lunatic would brawl through Tokyo at 250 feet tall if they didn’t have to? You think I like rumbling around, knocking down buildings and terrorizing people like a giant monster movie?”
“Now ladies, we’re all ladies here. Except I’m a robot, and Kumiko is a giant lizard thing with a protruding posterior. No, on second thought, we’re definitely all ladies here. So please don’t fight.
“Now Ronni, you said your powers don’t work on Kumiko. Does this make facing her again more dangerous?”
“That depends on if we’re in a populated area. Pound for pound she’s got me in muscle as well as appendages with that tail of hers. But she’s 250 feet tall, and I can get a lot bigger than that. On the other hand I’ll bet she’s been working on that nuclear breath of hers, so who knows?”
“You call me fat then pick on my breath too?!? Wait… you mean my energy exhalation expression. You are not calling me fat either, you are trying to compliment me in your rude American way, aren’t you?”
“You always think I’m attacking you Kumiko, especially when I’m not. Look, you want me to come out to Kaiju Island and brawl with you I’ll do it, if nothing else to give you some variety from fighting with the rest of the Great Kaiju out there.”
“Hoo boy. Kumiko, didn’t you make a boyfriend on the one day you left Kaiju Island? Tell us about him. He seemed to be pretty stricken with you.”
“Shigeru… well, he is very nice, but he is not my… I mean, he is the president of my fan club, but I am sure he would not be interested in… I mean… er, that is…”
“Maybe you should invite him out to see you Kumiko. Heck, I can even bring him with me if you like…”
“Ladies, we have to sew this up. Ronni, thank you for being on the show, and Kumiko, I wish you well. Maybe you should call that boy after we get off the air.”
Giant Girl Adventures is written by Sabrina Pandora, she leave us with this comment: Big shout out to my artist Koen Luyten, my creative partner in crime who puts up with my crazy demands and works like a dog to make sure every issue is more amazing than the last.
Note: Koen provided us with this awesome pinup.
Follow Giant Girl Adventures at the following locations.