Welcome everyone, on this episode of Lisa Burton Radio we have a really unusual guest. I’m your host, Lisa Burton the robot girl.
Crossing Bedlam is the sponsor of today’s show, and I’ll load all the important links at the end of the show. Let’s all welcome Lloyd Tenay.
“Hello Lloyd, welcome to the show.”
“Great to boob here. Uh . . . eh, close enough.”
“You have an interesting background. Prior to the collapse, which produced the Shattered States, you were in prison. Can you tell us a little about that?”
“The simple story is that I was a totally misunderstood serial killer who got caught. In my defense, the zoo had a new baboon exhibit and those animals are a lot of fun to watch. Oh, I guess I kill people because I wasn’t raised right or have a couple screws loose. I don’t know. It was either serial killer or taxi driver and I hate getting stuck in traffic. Where was I?
“By the way, I think you dropped your pencil and should bend down to pick it up.
“So, I was locked up for a while. Mostly solitary confinement because I rarely played well with others. There really wasn’t much to do besides working out, dreaming up new ways to kill people, and occasionally being brought out to entertain guests. After the collapse, the warden got supplies in various ways, which included hosting a death match. Reigning champion over here. Though I wasn’t allowed to go ‘Predator’ and keep a trophy. Wow. Nice to be able to utter a reference instead of being vague.”
“Do you think all of that is a benefit in the Shattered States? I mean survival can be a brutal business.”
“Seems to be useful. I’m still the newborn babe in this world, but having the ability to end a life without remorse does have an advantage here. Well, maybe I have some remorse at times, but there are a lot of bad guys to take out now. I can be like the Punisher or Venom or that guy with the hit movie whose name escapes me. All I really know is that it’s become kill or be killed out there and I’m a master at the former. How would a master at being killed work anyway? It’s really a onetime trick.”
“Yeah Lloyd, I suppose I can see that in a kind of twisted way. Under these circumstances, there are likely people who need killing. I mean there are cannibals out there, for cripes sakes. Still, don’t you want some kind of normalcy? Maybe settle down with Cassidy and live happily ever after?”
“Those cannibals were really freaky, but my contract states I can’t say anything more than that. I mean, total nutcases that would make Charles Manson question their sanity. Not sure normalcy is a thing here any more and it wasn’t my cup of tea in the first place. At least until I find the right woman who can admire the raw, animal crazy that is me. I’d say magnetism, but I don’t want to scramble your circuits and kick off Skynet. Although, there’d probably be a lot less resistance if Terminators looked more like you than Captain Heavy Accent. So exactly how long are your legs and are you double-jointed?”
“I’m a concept robot, so my legs are adjustable. And just in case, I’m bullet resistant, and a whole lot stronger than you are.
“Moving on, let’s talk about Nebraska. What’s Cassidy so scared of in Nebraska?”
“The kid won’t tell me. I think she has an ex-boyfriend out there or a reputation as some badass stripper with a heart of gold. Maybe it’s all about her father and people will get a front row seat to some teary-eyed reunion. Although she’s really big on saving ammo for Nebraska, which makes me lean more toward family being involved.”
“Lloyd, Lloyd, <snap, snap> I hate to cut you off there, but you have a caller. Hi, you’re on the air with Lisa and Lloyd.”
“This is Cassidy… Where the fuck are you, Lloyd!?
<Beeep>
“You left me in the bar and took the trading bag with you! I had to fight my way out and now we can’t go back. Not to mention I had to beat a gangbanger into the ground to get his phone and call into the show.”
“Thank god you added ‘into the ground’ there. <snick> Ah, the sobering sound of a friend aiming a sniper rifle at my nether region. In my defense, the host is really hot. I mean, insanely hot. They don’t make them like her . . . Are you mass produced because I’d like to order one?”
“You see a pair of tits and leave me behind? What kind of bodyguard are you?”
“The one you broke out of prison and never signed up for the job. You know I’m only in this story to be the crazy, sexy killer and source of comedy. Helps that I have a beautiful smile that the author really should bring more attention to. To be fair, I’d have wandered off for a nice ass, killer legs, shiny knives, a sale on graphic t-shirts, baboons, free samples of those cocktail weenies, and out of boredom. Not to mention, we’re the main characters. I’m safe because the two fans we have love me and you’re safe because you’re more of the focal point when it comes to the plot. Either one of us bites it then the series ends. At least if there is a series. Please buy CROSSING BEDLAM, which is now in paperback as well as the original eBook format for Amazon! Order now for your Kindle and get the book delivered immediately, which is how the thing works in the first place.”
“Shut the fuck up, Lloyd!” <Click>
<Beeeeep. Bu-Bu-Beeeeep>
“Sorry folks, trying to get the timing down on this censor button thingie. So wait a minute. You believe you’re a fictitious character in a book, rather than someone a book was written about? How is it that you’re here outside any book talking to Cassidy and I?”
“Well it makes complete sense. You have two strangers who get together in bizarre circumstances (jail break) and have a strange quest (toss Mama Cassidy’s ashes off the Golden Gate Bridge) and travel across a desolate landscape where they run into an array of odd characters (cannibals, rhino-loving snipers, wandering librarians, Eagles fans, etc.). We have to be main characters in a story with all of that going on. No other logical, totally sane explanation can be made.
“Now how did I get here specifically? Well, I told Cass that <Snick> Sorry, Cassidy that I was going to hit the bathroom, took the cellphone from a greasy guy out back who might have been the cook, and called in after seeing the number on a bathroom stall. So, I didn’t really know what I was calling into, but I gave all my info to this Craig guy. He seemed nice. Do you pay him well?
“Anyway, I tend to wander around when I’m on the phone and thought I was heading back to the Jeep. Um, I think I got lost. Cassidy, can you drive down the highway and look for a guy showing leg to get a lift? Probably won’t be me, but I want to see what post-apocalyptic hitchhikers are like.”
“Oooo Kaaay, I told everyone at the beginning that Lloyd was a bit different. He certainly proved that. Until next time for Lisa Burton Radio, this is Lisa Burton. Please check out the links on the website and consider adding Crossing Bedlam to your reading list.”
***
Crossing Bedlam- http://www.amazon.com/Crossing-Bedlam-Charles-E-Yallowitz-ebook/dp/B01BRE7UDC/
Amazon Author Page- http://www.amazon.com/Charles-E.-Yallowitz/e/B00AX1MSQA/
Blog- www.legendsofwindemere.com
Twitter- https://twitter.com/cyallowitz
I think you had your work cut out there Lisa! This is hilarious guys well done and have either of you read Jasper Fforde. I think you’d find him amusing, if not quite in your genre. Sharing on twitter 🙂
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Thanks for the tweet. Not family with that author. What genre does he write?
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What they like to call ‘cosy crime’ but it’s detective fiction with a fantasy twist. The main character is Thursday Next and she’s with the literary department that police books and their fictional characters when they get up to no good and start book jumping.
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That sounds fun. You know I like the occasional cozy.
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Absolutely! I think you’d enjoy it. ‘The Well Of Lost Plots’ is a good one although The Eyre Affair is the first one.
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Interesting. Reminds me of an old Looney Tunes cartoon that takes place in a bookstore after hours.
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I have a vague recollection of that too …
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Probably on YouTube somewhere. Everything seems to be there in some form. 🙂
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Thanks. We’ll take all the sharing we can get.
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Reblogged this on Legends of Windemere and commented:
A fun interview of characters. Lloyd tries to be on his best behavior.
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Tries…
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Helps if we promise him a cookie.
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Or cocktail weenies.
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As long as they come with sword-shaped toothpicks.
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Brilliant. I wonder if Lisa ever did bend to pick up that pencil.
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Probably long after Lloyd left or she had him do it after the interview.
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She *is* stronger than him, after all…
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True. I don’t think he’d get very far before being put in his place.
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You’re already writing up the scene in your head, aren’t you?
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Not much of a scene. He says the wrong thing and then wakes up in a dumpster. Probably talks with a rat until he feels like moving.
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Ouch.
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Later, she’ll get it later.
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Smart girl, our Lisa.
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Pingback: Lloyd Tenay Drops By Lisa Burton Radio | Illuminite Caliginosus
I had to laugh out loud with the whole interview. So well done. I think Lisa did a great job trying to keep the interview from getting out of hand. Wait. Did it?
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I’m really enjoying these, and we’ve got some more great guests lined up. Thanks for sharing the post.
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My pleasure.
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I think it stayed on track. Lloyd rambled a bit, but he didn’t hurt anybody. That’s progress for him.
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Yes, he was good especially with someone else’s phone.
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Means less guilt for roaming charges. Though the person better not check their photo album.
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Would be nice for Lloyd to give the phone back.(of course the victim probably won’t have much use for it.)
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Only if the person is dead. He could have just knocked them out and left them in an embarrassing position.
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True
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Reblogged this on Fiction Favorites and commented:
A fabulous interview with an interesting character from Charles Yallowitz’s new book Crossing Bedlam. You gotta believe this is one wild ride (interview and book)
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Thanks for the reblog. 🙂
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My pleasure.
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What a riot! Lisa had her hands full with this one. I especially loved her trouble with the censor button. Too funny. You guys are a blast. Well done!
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Thanks Mae. Keep us in mind…
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Glad you enjoyed it. Guess the censor button wasn’t ready Lloyd and Cassidy.
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Loving this – Lisa you rock… and Lloyd – do you have a fan club then? 😉
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Thanks Jan. This idea is getting popular and I think it gives authors another option that is unique.
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He’s working on it. Though half the time he’s talking about actual fans.
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A scrumptious interview. Love it! Brilliant idea! 😀
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It’s becoming a popular bit. There will be more of these.
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I don’t doubt there will be more. My favorite robot. Did there used to be something called My Favorite Martian? Scrap that. It’s old hat. 😀 😀 😀
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Yes there was. The people in it called him Uncle Martin. They eventually made a movie, like Hollywood does for so many old programs. It turned out like all the rest. The charm was gone.
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Thanks. It was a lot of fun.
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Well this was fun! Charles,Thursday Next is a female time traveler who works for a futuristic agency that secures stolen literature. The stories are interesting but I sometimes get lost in the complicated twists. It helps to get the jokes if you’ve read the works she’s after. If I hadn’t read Jane Eyre, a lot would have been lost on me in that book. Loving Lloyd’s character.
Wonderfully hosted, Lisa!
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Thanks. These are proving to be a lot of fun.
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I’d probably be lost on the Thursday Next story since I never read Jane Eyre. That’s one of the challenges with a character that uses pop culture references. If the reader isn’t familiar with them then they fall flat. Gets even harder when you have to allude to things. Never realized the high risk until I did this book.
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Sorry I’m late. This was such a fun interview! Nicely done, Lloyd and Lisa.
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I just figured you were up to something awesome. These are a lot of fun.
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Thanks. 🙂
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