This is a story about me. There is a funny bit in the middle, but it's going to turn out not so funny when I draw conclusions. Please stick with me to the end.
To start with, I need to tell you my state of mind at the time. I've been flooded with special interests in every walk of life lately. There were the racial issues at the Academy Awards. My newspaper shoved a magazine inside with high gloss pages throughout about women who've done something important in Boise. There has been a flood of ethnic centric women being celebrated in one writing genre or another.
I almost posted about this last week. I thought the world was ready to leave some of this behind, and start accepting people as people. I would rather celebrate the accomplishments of someone for what they are, and not for what kind of giblets exist in their pants, the shape of their eyes, or the color of their skin.
Today was just another round of more of the same. Everywhere I looked it was International Women's Day. I spent most of the day fuming there is no grouchy old man day.
Around 2:00 this afternoon, my cellphone made a strange chime. I've gone to great pains to silence all of these. It isn't appropriate for my office, and I run with an international crowd. That means it could go off in the middle of the night while we're trying to sleep.
Turns out it was Facebook Messenger, and someone sent me a picture. This was pretty cool, one of my friends sent me something. Only they didn't send me anything. They sent it to Lisa Burton. Yes fans, a man in Egypt sent a picture of his dick to Lisa. — on International Women's Day.
He even managed to hang a necklace around it, because no woman can resist something shiny and would dive for it like a pigeon after a French fry.
My first reaction was to laugh at what an idiot this guy must be. On her Facebook it clearly says, “Personal Assistant, Robot Girl, Spokesmodel.” This should be someone's first clue. The second clue is that there are no photographs of Lisa. It's all very creative electronic paint.
I hate to destroy the illusion, but Lisa is a fictitious character, and she's written by a 55 year old man.
I figured if I told him the truth, he would expect me to shrug it off in some kind of bro moment. I laughed; I admit it. Lisa silently learned where the unfriend button is.
Then I thought about it for a moment. I'll bet almost every woman out there who has a public life has been through this. Nobody talks about it much, but I'll wager somewhere around 70%. My daughter is the only female member of my family who engages in social media. When I see her again, I'm going to ask her. I won't be surprised if it's happened to her.
The necklace is an insult too, as if no woman can resist a cheap trinket and would jump all over this guy.
I suppose I should be flattered that I wrote a female character so well that some idiot believed me. I suppose there are those who will say it's all Lisa's fault for being so friendly and dressing the way she does.
Why shouldn't a woman be allowed to dress in a way that makes her happy? I've heard this in so many instances though, on the news when court cases are involved. There always seems to be someone who blames the woman.
Okay, I'm responsible for Lisa and her spokesmodel duties. I also have no intention of stopping or toning it down.
Then I realized that I will never know what women actually go through. I know it's not safe to walk on the green belt at night. I never have to worry about the bathroom at my favorite watering hole. Or the lube and oil center, or the parking lot, or or…
How would a woman react to this? I decided there is no right answer. I've known cowgirls that would show everyone they knew and make fun of the guy.
I've also known some who would lock all the doors and windows, then fail to sleep all night while they listened for an intruder.
I watched Erin Andrews break down in court because some asshole drilled a hole through a hotel wall to get naked photos of her.
Lisa's a little bit naive. She's also a computer, and would probably be very analytical about it without grasping the guy's intentions.
I've written a lot of female characters, and I've gotten some nice comments for my efforts. Still, maybe I can improve my game and learn something from all this. Women still make bad choices and walk the green belt at night. Maybe I should add a little bit to their mindset when they do. Maybe they should look over their shoulders a little more often.
As an author my job is to make it realistic. Every woman will act and react differently, because we're all human. There is no recipe box that says every woman will react the same way. That's because they're people and not walking genitalia. Those who don't get this are likely to send dick pictures to total strangers.
Back to my original attitude. I may be ready to accept everyone at face value, but the larger world is not. Maybe there is still a place in the world for some special recognition to remind folks that we all have potential. It doesn't matter what race, religion, color, or sex we are. We all have potential.
There is a woman out there who loves you. She always has your best interest in mind. Before you send someone a picture of your dick ask your mother if it's a good idea. When she answers, believe her.
I was going to ask for a special day for grouchy old white guys, but it doesn't seem so important now. Celebrate who you are, but don't be offended if I do too… silently, in my own way. There will probably be beer involved.