I suppose this was inevitable

This is a story about me. There is a funny bit in the middle, but it's going to turn out not so funny when I draw conclusions. Please stick with me to the end.

To start with, I need to tell you my state of mind at the time. I've been flooded with special interests in every walk of life lately. There were the racial issues at the Academy Awards. My newspaper shoved a magazine inside with high gloss pages throughout about women who've done something important in Boise. There has been a flood of ethnic centric women being celebrated in one writing genre or another.

I almost posted about this last week. I thought the world was ready to leave some of this behind, and start accepting people as people. I would rather celebrate the accomplishments of someone for what they are, and not for what kind of giblets exist in their pants, the shape of their eyes, or the color of their skin.

Today was just another round of more of the same. Everywhere I looked it was International Women's Day. I spent most of the day fuming there is no grouchy old man day.

Around 2:00 this afternoon, my cellphone made a strange chime. I've gone to great pains to silence all of these. It isn't appropriate for my office, and I run with an international crowd. That means it could go off in the middle of the night while we're trying to sleep.

Turns out it was Facebook Messenger, and someone sent me a picture. This was pretty cool, one of my friends sent me something. Only they didn't send me anything. They sent it to Lisa Burton. Yes fans, a man in Egypt sent a picture of his dick to Lisa. — on International Women's Day.

He even managed to hang a necklace around it, because no woman can resist something shiny and would dive for it like a pigeon after a French fry.

My first reaction was to laugh at what an idiot this guy must be. On her Facebook it clearly says, “Personal Assistant, Robot Girl, Spokesmodel.” This should be someone's first clue. The second clue is that there are no photographs of Lisa. It's all very creative electronic paint.

I hate to destroy the illusion, but Lisa is a fictitious character, and she's written by a 55 year old man.

I figured if I told him the truth, he would expect me to shrug it off in some kind of bro moment. I laughed; I admit it. Lisa silently learned where the unfriend button is.

Then I thought about it for a moment. I'll bet almost every woman out there who has a public life has been through this. Nobody talks about it much, but I'll wager somewhere around 70%. My daughter is the only female member of my family who engages in social media. When I see her again, I'm going to ask her. I won't be surprised if it's happened to her.

The necklace is an insult too, as if no woman can resist a cheap trinket and would jump all over this guy.

I suppose I should be flattered that I wrote a female character so well that some idiot believed me. I suppose there are those who will say it's all Lisa's fault for being so friendly and dressing the way she does.

Why shouldn't a woman be allowed to dress in a way that makes her happy? I've heard this in so many instances though, on the news when court cases are involved. There always seems to be someone who blames the woman.

Okay, I'm responsible for Lisa and her spokesmodel duties. I also have no intention of stopping or toning it down.

Keep it in your pants, Buster

Then I realized that I will never know what women actually go through. I know it's not safe to walk on the green belt at night. I never have to worry about the bathroom at my favorite watering hole. Or the lube and oil center, or the parking lot, or or…

How would a woman react to this? I decided there is no right answer. I've known cowgirls that would show everyone they knew and make fun of the guy.

I've also known some who would lock all the doors and windows, then fail to sleep all night while they listened for an intruder.

I watched Erin Andrews break down in court because some asshole drilled a hole through a hotel wall to get naked photos of her.

Lisa's a little bit naive. She's also a computer, and would probably be very analytical about it without grasping the guy's intentions.

I've written a lot of female characters, and I've gotten some nice comments for my efforts. Still, maybe I can improve my game and learn something from all this. Women still make bad choices and walk the green belt at night. Maybe I should add a little bit to their mindset when they do. Maybe they should look over their shoulders a little more often.

As an author my job is to make it realistic. Every woman will act and react differently, because we're all human. There is no recipe box that says every woman will react the same way. That's because they're people and not walking genitalia. Those who don't get this are likely to send dick pictures to total strangers.

Back to my original attitude. I may be ready to accept everyone at face value, but the larger world is not. Maybe there is still a place in the world for some special recognition to remind folks that we all have potential. It doesn't matter what race, religion, color, or sex we are. We all have potential.

There is a woman out there who loves you. She always has your best interest in mind. Before you send someone a picture of your dick ask your mother if it's a good idea. When she answers, believe her.

I was going to ask for a special day for grouchy old white guys, but it doesn't seem so important now. Celebrate who you are, but don't be offended if I do too… silently, in my own way. There will probably be beer involved.


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40 responses to “I suppose this was inevitable

  1. Eww, is all I have to say. Thankfully this has not happen to be as yet although Facebook is the route of all evil, in my opinion, as well as being a great networking tool. As usual it’s abused by the minority. I too take people for what they not their label but as you say, in that, we are the minority. I do recognise difference but I also celebrate it. Incidently, I have a feeling there is an international mens day, if you choose to be grumpy that day, well…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There IS an International Men’s Day. November 19th. There is also a great men’s blog if you have never heard of it, The Art Of Manliness. As for dick pics, it was absolutely inevitable. I have received a few myself over the years and I am not as socially connected as Lisa. The dicks STILL manage to find me…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. *stops reading, goes to wall, bangs head*

    Some days I think there should be a ‘decency test’ for people to take before getting on the Internet. Nothing complicated. Just a ‘is it right do this’ list of questions. All blatantly obvious ‘no’ behaviors. All I can figure is that the guy thought a woman was behind Lisa. I read once that guys with long hair who look feminine can get similar treatment even if their names are obviously male. So people simply don’t think before doing this. Though that probably goes without saying. Now if you excuse me.

    *returns to banging head against wall*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, yeah, there are tons of perverts on Facebook. Every day I get friend request from men who don’t share the same friends as me, and I hate to say it, but most perverts who’ve found me have no vowels in their last name. No idea why. So now, I don’t accept friend requests unless the person has at least one friend in common with me. If one slips by, I ignore them. Sometimes they get pissed off and send porn, but most times they just go away. Did you know you can report Lisa’s pervert to FB? They’ll ban him from ever contacting you/her again. If enough people report him, they’ll ban him from the site. So, as a man with a woman spokes model, you could help other women by reporting him. There are safety in numbers.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Please do report him. It’s the only defence we have. Although I do rather like the story of the woman who was sent obscene messages and photos online, and duly forwarded them to the girlfriends and/or mothers of the perpetrators, located through their social media accounts. It’s the only happy ending I’ve heard of.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. You might find this interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve been told that one can easily end dick pics by sending one back, but I don’t store them on my phone and I don’t have my own. Some women upload them online, but some of the guys actually LIKE that, I guess. I just go for the Block button. I hope you reported him.
    No, you don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, and I only know what it’s like to be a woman here. Women elsewhere continue to suffer. I think you’ll be stuck with these sorta days as long as anyone is persecuted for all the ways they aren’t a grouchy old man.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ugh! The world is full of idiots in all shapes,sizes and color. I frequently get friend requests from guys I don’t know on FB. I’ve actually had to block two in the early days of using FB before I got savvy to how things work. Fortunately, I’ve never gotten any question pics sent my way, but then I’m not a big FB user.
    Loved the message behind your post. Sadly, I’ve seen women post and share some pretty ridiculous things, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Super post, Craig. I’m with you on the people is people idea. Also, sometimes idiots are simply idiots. The guy and his dick belong in the class of idiot who needs more help than you can give them. Your advice to ask mom was perfect. Here is to International Check with Your Mom Before All Dick Photos Day. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ha, ha! Now that I think about it, it does seem obvious. There are a lot of pages on FB and they’re probably created by men but they have a woman representing them, and all they are is a way to lure men into some porn site. I can see how he might confuse Lisa Burton for that. Other than that analysis, the rest really isn’t so funny. I used to work in an office that sold porn so I can go on about this all day but I’ll stop here.


  11. Yuck! What an a-hole. When I had my long blond hair I got come-ons from guys on FB all the time. Not so many now that I look like a frumpy old lady, but still a few. They’re mostly foreigners. Strange, I have happily married in my profile. I think they just click on anything female and take their chances. Exhibitionists are the worst. Excellent post BTW, with much food for thought. I feel the same way about all the special interests and organizations for this and that, petitions for this or that cause. Seems we’re becoming more and more socially complex as we become a collective consciousness.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Another thoughtful post, Charles. I hope I don’t immediately lunge for the baubles, although they’re captivating. My advice: talk to women about their experiences – just as women should talk to men. You have obviously done this since you’ve creating very believable female characters – enough to be recognized most inappropriately on International Women’s Day!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. As women, we’re required to be cautious and consider our words, dress and demeanor at all times, because you never know what idea someone might get. I do think that most men consider their words and demeanor, but not to the extent that women do. It isn’t a matter of life and safety for men the way it is for women.

    To be honest, I’ve been a bit annoyed by Lisa’s image always having such massive cleavage. (Also, too much eyeliner! But that’s just me.) I do share things from blogs with my teenaged daughter at times, and there’s no way I could share yours.

    But it’s your career, and obviously that image has worked for you. Maybe worked a little too well, as it now seems. I’m glad you were able to step back and process this in a humble way. This is the world we now live in, and it’s really weird sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

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