Crisis of faith

This post could probably use a photograph, but since I don't have the real one, I'm not looking for a free one online.

Most of you guys are writers, and you'll understand. I've been beating myself up for a couple of days now. This stems from the preparation of tax documents and what they reveal about my writing career.

It probably goes without saying that I spent more than I made in 2015. Something tells me I'm not the only one, and I don't expect you to chime in. I actually expected this, and planned for it to happen. Then when it happened I got myself all worked up.

I actually made four times what I made last year. This should be a good thing, right? It is, but it took me a circuitous, mopey route to get there.

First I had to look up other writers and count reviews. Turns out, I'm not doing bad on that front either. I still don't have a book with the magical 20 reviews, but a couple of them are close. I think it's reasonable that one of them will hit that mark in 2016.

I'm going to completely deviate to tell you another story. Stay with me here. I grew up in Nevada's Great Basin… A loooong time ago. This was the era of DDT and other pesticides. As these things got banned and things recovered, we had a few bald eagles show up. The first time I saw one was magical.

I lived in tents for two whole summers, and my family camped more weekends than not. This includes frost, snow, and mud. I'm pretty close to the Earth and the wild things.

Every time I've ever seen a bald eagle, I wound up accomplishing my goals. This includes some pretty tough goals, but if an eagle showed up it worked out every time. It doesn't work with golden eagles, which are common.

Tonight, on my way home from work, a huge bald eagle soared over my truck. He was fully mature and looked stunning against a clear blue sky. I would have pulled over and watched him, but you just don't do that during the commute.

I really don't have a detailed goal right now. That worries me a little bit. My goal for writing is to have fun, and eventually make something at it. I have been having fun, but a little more success would be nice.

I'm sure the eagle is a sign of something good. I just don't know what. I'm glad he showed up, I kind of needed him about now. I don't have a detailed goal, but I feel something good in the air.

I was going to skip posting tonight, because I have a guest tomorrow. She's awesome and will carry the banner for Entertaining Stories for a day. Then the eagle showed up and I decided to share. Make sure you come back and support my guest tomorrow.

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34 Comments

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34 responses to “Crisis of faith

  1. Congrats on the successes. Maybe the eagle is a sign that a subconscious goal or ultimate one will be achieved. We don’t always know when a great opportunity will appear, so I hope it’s a sign that such a thing is around the corner for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish you could have stopped and watched him awhile, too. I do hope it’s a good omen 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your spirit animal of sorts! Stick with the writing. You are very good at it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bald eagles are a rare and wonderful site. I’d take it as a good sign for sure. And I think all of us writers share your reality over the tax truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Eagle is definitely a good sign. Hey, the eagle is on every dollar bill! I have done lots of things like painting, ceramics, making jewelry, but I never really sold any of that stuff. I have sold books, so I guess I’m ahead of my own game. Not certain if career writer is in the cards for me, but I’m still having fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hear you buddy, but ad long as you’re moving forward, every step is a step closer to what you want. I frequently have ‘who am I kidding moments’ and if we are honest, we all do. Someone quoted me a statistic that it’s only 2-3% of writers earning a living from writing – I haven’t checked that. I often look to the natural world for inspiration and that Bald Eagle is definitely a sign. Keep going and don’t forget – ‘Lighthouses don’t run around the island looking for boats to save. They just stand there shining.’ Annie Lamott 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Trust in the Eagle it has never let you down. You might not think you have a goal but trust spirit and the Eagle they know. That is a great spirit bird to have on your side.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m right there with you on that eagle. It had to mean something for it to show up when it did. I would hang onto that sign and keep moving ahead. I’ve heard it takes 5 years for any business to really be successful, but every gain along the way is a step in the right direction. You’re definitely headed down the right path!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You didn’t ask for advice, but mine is to not compare yourself to other writers. There’s always someone who makes more or gets more words out or whatever.

    But, it’s cool the eagle paid you a visit.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I wouldn’t call this a crisis of faith. It is a crisis of confidence. Ignore the feeling and think of the eagle. Yes, we all spend more than we make. That’s why the gov is so pissed at the write offs.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. While I have a day job, I was thrilled that I spent more than I made on writing last year. It offset the high taxes I had to pay on my regular job. As I set writing up as a retirement career, however, I’m a bit concerned. I’m in those early years where I have to spend money to make (less) money.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I did show up! Mae ‘s book sounds amazing! And your story is awesome! I am sure this is a sign for you. Perhaps the bald eagle is your totem, a spirit guide. Very exciting! Wish I could have seen him! I once got checked out by a condor in the Colca Canyon. He was massive, and it was an experience I will never forget.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sorry I’m late. If you’re looking for a great free photo site, go to http://www.morguefile.com. You can modify and use all the photos any way you like. The title is misleading, they have all kinds of excellent pics. There’s also http://www.unsplash.com. Again, no attribution required.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I think you do right on both, happily watching those skinhead-eagles and writing your way without placing your proverbial head into clouds or pipe-dreams!

    I could note that shamanism has believers who say omens and specific animals have meaning. Still I found that ‘pushing it’ often is more spoiler than help, and real shamanism is actually rare (outside of fraud-books & drug-abusing subcultures)…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: Writing Links in the 3s and 5…2/29/16 – Where Worlds Collide

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