No one knows how life is going to go on a daily basis. Things turned South in a hurry over the last two weeks.
Sometime the week before Christmas, I found out my daughter started smoking. There were the trips to a coffee shop at odd hours. The need to take two cars to our son’s house on Christmas morning. The smell confirmed it all.
She regularly informs us that, “She’s a grown assed woman.” At 21 years of age, I suppose that’s true. It just seems like she wants that status only when it’s convenient, but I’ll get to that in a minute.
I still think someone who’s completely into hair, makeup, and fashion ought to be concerned about smelling like shit. This same daughter ran to the doctor recently complaining of chest pains, and getting a chest x-ray. Nothing was wrong, but she was prescribed some steroids to help with swelling. Wonder why???
On Christmas Day, the old pitbull developed two lumps under his jaws. He’s already exceeded his shelf life, so I’ve been dreading this for some time. The most likely cause is cancer, and we had the biopsy taken Monday. The results today are – no cancer. He will start on antibiotics tomorrow, but at 13-14 years old I know it’s coming eventually.
Yesterday, my son and daughter-in-law wound up taking the 4 year old to the doctor. This led to a specialist, and blood work, plus an ultrasound. We won’t know anything until next week.
To top off the worries, my daughter crashed her Jeep on Monday night. This led to a tow truck and an insurance claim. She seems to be using it as a crutch to get out of work and school. We wound up helping her with her last car payment. Seems to me that work ought to be important somehow if you’re short on money. I suppose her money is dedicated to buying cigarettes these days.
My wife co-signed for the Jeep, and we care about our credit. Guess who gets to pay the insurance deductible too. I’m having a hard time here, because “grown assed woman” seems like it ought to apply across the board.
My daughter has always been a go-getter, and this is a new phase for her. If I said I’m a little disappointed it would be an understatement.
My wife spent the evening with our son and his family last night. There is nothing she can do, but it makes her feel better to be there. I’m a wait and see kind of guy. I wound up with some time to myself, and The Yak Guy Project is over 11,000 words now.
2016 can’t get here fast enough for me.
Can’t bring myself to hit like here. Hope the grandkid’s tests come back clean and the dog gets better. Not sure what can be said about the ‘grown assed woman’ thing. There are people my age who announce that while drinking themselves into a stupor, making stupid mistakes, and acting like a teenage delinquent. To be optimistic, 21 is when a lot of people do stuff like this. It’s like the last binding of childhood is gone and they’re out to prove they’re mature. For myself, I did a lot of drinking. Don’t want to pull out that ‘phase’ cliche, but hopefully that’s all it is and a short one at that.
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I’m hoping that’s all it is too. I’ve raised enough of them to know how little control I actually have. The granddaughter has been sick on an off for a while. It’s time to test more things.
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Yeah. I’m learning about the control thing even with the 6-year-old. That final step is always up to him. My son was sick on and off for a while around that age too. Ended up being the start of juvenile asthma and constant upper respiratory infection. Hope your granddaughter is fine and it’s something that will go away soon.
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Miyagi can train with everything he has, but Daniel has to step into the arena by his own willpower. Kids are pretty resilient, and she’ll probably be fine.
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Good analogy.
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I’m sorry to hear about the rough end to the year. Hopefully things will look up come January.
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I’m not in control of this stuff, so I’m not going to torture myself over it. I’m thinking over my 2016 business plan, and will put my efforts there.
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My daughter is 26 now and I can say some of the adult behaviors are beginning to take hold. Hang in there. The less said the better.
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That’s what we saw with her older brother. He’s a genuine adult today, but I never thought he’d live that long.
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🙂
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Oh Craig. I don’t really know what to say to this but I’ll have a go and hope it’s the right thing because you’re a man who clearly gives his heart and soul to his family.
I could list the things that didn’t happen for me as a young woman (couldn’t we all) that you have clearly made happen for your daughter and state that she doesn’t know how good she’s got it but then I’d be being ungrateful for all the things I did and do have as a result of my parents.
I honestly believe it’s consumerism at the heart of many of our ills. We’ve been conditioned to have what we want when we want, perhaps the jeep should be sold and your daughter should learn what it means to be a ‘grown ass woman’ and have to find a way to work.
As for the little one I’m sending good thoughts and hoping hard he’s well soon. not knowing is the worst.
There’s always some worse off than us and always someone better. Lets hope 2016 is better. Have a beer and write some more 🙂
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The beer and writing is really all I can be in charge of. I’ll be the supervisor of that department. All of this will happen without my influence. I can’t make children well, or convince young adults they should amend their ways. I can’t even fix the car myself. I’d fix the dog if I could, but he’s out of my control too.
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I’m not very good at things that aren’t in my control. Good luck Craig. Thinking of you all.
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Fingers crossed that 2016 is a happy and HEALTHY one for you and yours!
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Thanks Barb. I hope your 2016 is wonderful too.
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I hope your daughter’s “phase” vanishes quickly, and that your grandchild is OK. And your dog, too. Hope 2016 brings you all good things!
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I am going to work towards good things. I can’t change any of this other stuff myself anyway. I hope your 2016 is a banner year too.
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Thank you!
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Craig. Unfortunately, I started smoking when it was still cool to smoke, so I have no business preaching to anyone. But I do understand the helplessness of watching a young person make a mistake. I’m dealing with something similar, though I didn’t birth the young woman, only raised her. Not sure that makes a difference. I still love her as if she were mine. Be thankful your daughter isn’t covered with tattoos and piercings. Long story; don’t ask. But I do believe we all have to stumble in life in order to find our way. Lord knows I always took hard road. Somehow it’ll all work out. All we can do is offer advice and try to guide them. And, y’know, pray they smarten up quick. Wishing you a Happy New Year.
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We all go through some of this. This is her crucible, and she has to find some things out without dad’s involvement. Happy New Year to you too.
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OH! I do sympathize with you, being a parent seems to get harder as our children grow older! Firstly I do hope your grandson’s tests will be as innocuous as your, grown assed woman’s, were. Your wife is right she probably does make a difference by just being there for your son and his wife….at least you got some writing done.
As to your grown assed woman, I only have grown flown men but I do know how infuriating they can be…our middle lad thinks we are the bank of mum and dad for his own personal use!
I do hope the New Year brings you all a happy healthy and smoke free era!! xxxxxx
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I’ve acknowledged there is nothing I can do about any of it. I can’t even fix the dog. I’m hopeful for good outcomes everywhere, but I’m not in charge of making it happen. (This time.) I hope you have a great 2016 too.
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OH! I am so sorry about the dog too I should of mentioned him but at least it is not cancer… if it is not too corny remember tomorrow is another day and nothing lasts forever xxxxx
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It’s true. Phases don’t last forever, but neither do old dogs. I’ll miss the dog, but not the phase.
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I do agree the dog is part of the family and you love him like a child. xxx
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Craig, I am sending you strength! After 5 kids, I know what you are going through. Happy New Year, friend! Grown-ass women should take care of their own woes, not have her parents rescue her. ❤ Cheers! 😀
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It’s kind of funny, don’t we all go through a phase of one kind or another? Most of us come out of the forge stronger than we went in. Here’s to a Happy New Year for you and yours, I have some good plans for mine.
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We sure do. My favorite saying was always, “This too, shall pass!” LOL! It sounds like your daughter is getting ready to leave the nest. Always a battle at first, but then, they all learn the hard way. All my best to you. I agree, this year has much promise! ❤
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That is exactly the phase of life we are in today. This has become a very philosophical comment section today. I kind of like it.
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It’s great connecting with each other and don’t you get the feeling that you are not alone? LOL! 😀
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It is kind of cool. So many of us have the same experiences. Someone ought to write a book. Wait, we all write books.
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LOL! I had a great laugh over that one! ❤
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Oh boy! Hope it brings you better times!
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I am concentrating on those things I can control. I hope for the best in the other areas.
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Best you can do!
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Take each day as it comes, sounds a lot like my 2014 was
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Will do, good advice.
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When my daughter was going through a few trying years (we’re talking Miss High School Salutatorian–cocaine and homeless shelters after a 3.83 GPA at Michigan State), I had a therapist tell me to stop enabling her. I rescued her at every turn. Ran to her at every phone call. Plane tickets. Paid hospital bills. Purchased multiple cars and insurance. Put her up in apartments. Paid bills. I didn’t know how to stop because I love her dearly. I didn’t have a mother and I wanted to be the best for my daughter. Then the therapist said something that really rang a bell. “The more you do FOR her, the more incapable she will feel about doing for herself.” I backed off. I had bonded her out of jail (assault with a deadly weapon–a girl claimed she tried to run over her with the car…charges were dropped/case dismissed) but then she took off with my car and was gone three days, returning home high as a kite. I called the bondsman to come and get her and let her sit in jail a couple of weeks. That really turned her around. That, and finding out she was pregnant. She’s clean now, doesn’t even drink or smoke, and the best little mama in the world. I’m hoping your daughter never goes that deep. But if you have to say, “No, I’m not bailing you this time.” Stand your ground and know you are doing what is best for her. Hope your daughter finds her way, your grandson recovers well and the tests aren’t disturbing, and I do hope that doggie is comfortable. Our old Captain has some similar issues going on…about deaf and blind, thyroid problems, and a few nodules on his back. He’s gone gray and grumpy in his old age, but he will always be my Captain.
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That was the only thing that worked with her brothers. I believe in second chances, but beyond that they are on their own. In fact we’ve dealt with worse issues than this version. I hope she figures it out soon. Old dogs and the final years are inevitable. I’m hoping some basic medication is all the granddaughter needs.
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Bummer. Happy about the pibble tho 🙂
I kinda wonder what’s going on with grown-assed daughter who is suddenly (openly) smoking, having health and financial issues. Somethin’s goin on there. More than meets the eye.
I’m 90% mad furious with our eldest daughter, and I’d trade you places there, so try to find out what’s really goin on. (In case, knock wood, it gets worse before it gets better. Cause, um, it can all get worse.)
Hope all’s sorted with the grandbaby soon 🙂
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She’s always been pretty grown up. I don’t think there is a major issue beyond general brattiness. Good results for the dog, hope our granddaughter also has good results.
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Hope things look better in 2016!!
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2015 was great. It’s just ending kind of like Old Yeller. Happy New Year to you.
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Wishing you and your family the best going forward. Sorry there have been such problems. Those issues are never good, but around Xmas I’m sure it was even worse.
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I can’t control any of it, so I’ll watch and hope for The best. Have a happy new year.
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I dont know how that happens… life seems to be going along swimmingly and then all of a sudden it turns around and kicks you in the butt. Not a great ending to the year. Though you’ll all get through it. I hope your little grandson is OK. Sending you a big hug, cos you sound like you need it.
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It’s a normal cycle around here. I’m feeling a bit galvanized to such things lately. I hope everything works out well, but I can’t influence the outcome. Thanks for the hug, and have a great new year.
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That’s probably the best attitude to have. I imagine it’s quite a shock when as a parent you first realise that you can no longer influence your child’s life choices, particularly if their choices are not wise or sensible. I’m not looking forward to that day. As parents we can only do so much. I’m sure your daughter will eventually see sense… shes just sowing some wild oats!
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I just hope her oats don’t wind up living here with me. I don’t need to raise any grandchildren, or support any boyfriends.
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No way! 😁
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Sorry to hear things aren’t going well for you, Craig. I have fingers crossed for your granddaughter and doggy, as well as for a brighter start to the New Year. As for your daughter, I hope it’s a phase too – I can imagine how frustrating that must be for you, especially with everything else going on xx
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They say troubles come in threes. We write them that way too. Maybe I’m over the hump on troubles for now.
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I have fingers and toes crossed for you that it is so…
Here’s to a bright New Year 🙂
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I hope yours is successful and bright as well.
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Oh, I’m so sorry to hear of all those problems, Craig. You really got slammed at the end of the year. I’m glad to hear it wasn’t cancer for your dog, and I do hope everything works out okay with the tests for your grandchild. Hopefully, your daughter will wake up to the ills of smoking, too. I quit 25 years ago. One of the hardest things I ever did.
It’s a lot harder to be a smoker today as there are very few places you can do it in public. People are also a lot more conscious of the health issues, not only for them, but second-hand, too. At 21 she has to make her own decisions. Give her some time and hopefully it will be the right one.
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All I can do is ride this horse. Therefore, I’m going to work on stuff I can influence. Happy 2016 to you and yours.
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So sorry to hear of the issues with your daughter. Been there, done that. No, wait, I’m still doing that. My son is coming up on 20, a dropout, who stays up all night, sleeps all day, and claims he can’t find work because everyone in the world is an asshole.
He smokes, too. We’ve forbidden it in the house, and we regularly push back when we smell it or see it. You have to make house rules very clear, and then enforce them. Within the next few days, I will ask him to start paying rent. I will also ask his sister, who is 17, to begin contributing once she finishes high school this spring.
They’ll try to draw us into their drama, but we’ve been getting pretty good at stating facts in a calm way, sympathizing with their woes, but letting them know the facts haven’t changed.
Good luck! (Someday you can write a story about this. Hmmm, a ghost who won’t stop haunting a house because everyone in the world is an asshole…)
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As a matter of fact, Yak Guy has some similarities to what I’ve observed in this generation.
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Storytelling can be therapeutic, you know. 😀
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Oh yeah.
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