I managed two chapters of editing today. Things I want to learn kept calling to me like a Siren of old. I went to the footboard of our bed and knocked.
A slurping, gurgling sound crawled toward me from beneath the bed. A sickly yellow tentacle slithered out beside my leg.
“New style?” I asked.
“You know how it is. I wanted to try a new look. New look, new you they say.”
“I'm still trying to figure out this horror thing.”
“Unh unh. Remember my consulting fee?”
“Yeah, but I couldn't come up with all of it. I managed to find some mismatched socks in the laundry.”
“Laundry monster is kind of hot. A couple of these and it might be a good weekend for the old bed monster. What's on your mind?” The tentacle scooped up the socks and dragged them under the bed.
“Last night, I watched a movie on the Chiller channel–“
“That was your first mistake.”
“Yeah, the characters were all right out of central casting. They wound up stuck in the middle of a lake that was owned by a giant killer fish. They managed to attack it with the oars, which they promptly lost. It wasn't long before they started voting people off the boat to distract the fish.”
“Don't tell me any more.”
“I wound up cheering for the fish about halfway through.”
“Nothing scary about that.”
“Exactly. I'm no closer to figuring out how to write a scary monster. This morning I downloaded and read The Call of Cthulhu. It's a short story and I'm kind of into those right now.”
“That was a better move. Old C was big back in the day. Have you considered reading anything written in this century?”
“I liked the style, but it isn't really very commercial by today's standards. My problem is that saturation seems to have removed scary stuff from the modern world. What can a vampire or a zombie do that we haven't all seen a dozen times?”
“Not much, I'm afraid. That's the same problem I have these days. Kids see so much on video games the old bed monster pales in comparison. Maybe when you figure it out you can tell me.”
“Then I'll have to charge you a consulting fee. I don't even want to write horror. It's just that a tip or trick can enhance other kinds of stories.”
“That makes some sense. You might have better luck learning some romance tricks.”
“No way. No man understands that stuff.”
“Well the old bed monster is going to give it one hell of a shot tonight.”
“Alright man. Just don't get lint all over the place, and stay out of my wife's fabric softener.”
***
Time for me to get back to editing. Violence and brutality I can write.
Entertaining Stories 
Gremlins got me. Taking something cute and cuddly, then having it go ballistic.
I’m terrified of gators. I had a house on Lake Toho and they would sun in my yard. Dozens of them, large and small. Creeped me out. I always wanted a house on the water…just turns out a lake in Florida is not ideal. I refuse to walk near a lake on summer nights down here.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Reminds me of a Betty White movie. I get that people fear stuff, but how soon to reveal the monster seems to be key.
LikeLike
That’s how I feel about the crime novels. How quickly do you dole out the clues…you have to have the murderer figured out by mid-point…then you have to catch them (or insert twist).
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a very good point. I’m a big believer in formulas. Writers ought to understand such things before blazing our own paths.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve lived with the gators, too. Not for me!
LikeLiked by 2 people
One day (I worked nights and slept days), I got up to the sound of someone knocking at my door. I looked out the windows and didn’t see anyone. Still, I heard the knocking. Looked through the peep-hole, couldn’t see anyone. Kept going back to bed and kept hearing the knocking. After half an hour of frustration, I put on a housecoat and yanked open the door. It was a giant alligator snapping turtle wedged between the door and a planter banging his head on the door. He was hissing at me like a snake. I about peed myself. I had to call a neighbor to come over and deal with it. Neighbor said he’d never seen one that big. He got him unwedged and carried him to the lake. Brave man.
LikeLiked by 2 people
OMG, I’da prolly peed myself too! I cannot imagine! How big was he?
LikeLiked by 1 person
H.U.G.E. That sucker had to weigh at least two-hundred pounds. He was bigger than I am now, and back then I was a tiny thing. So I wasn’t about to tackle him alone.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve known of guys who keep theirs in a horse trough.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ans fed them out for turtle soup? I ate some and enjoyed it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Noooo. You used to be able to buy it in stores. I remember it being pretty good. Endangered species now, because of the soup industry. The regular version is still pretty common though. They’re a lot tougher to deal with in a giant aquarium though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had mine back in GA over twenty years ago. It was okay, but nothing I’d go out of my way for. I’d be one of those people blocking traffic to help him across the road now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too, and I know how to do it without losing a limb.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They’re like living dinosaurs they are! I bet you’ll never forget that!
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s so cool. I used to have a pet alligator snapping turtle. Came via mail at the size of a quarter. He was the size of a #11 Dutch oven when he got pneumonia and died. (Kind of hard to recognize in reptiles)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah…you’re brave, too. Ha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kind of a bummer. He was pretty cool the way he used to fish using his tongue as bait.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seems like Charles Yallowitz says the same thing in his bio.
LikeLike
The very best “But WHAT IS IT?!?” I’ve encountered was Brotherhood of the Wolf. Seen that?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t remember it, so probably not.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You must borrow it or whatever. I promise you’ll like it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m still scared of things that can eat me, like sharks and crocodiles. But most horror things, like dolls, clowns, and ghosts, just make me laugh. If you want some real horror, there’s actual scary stuff out there: drug cartels, child soldiers, terrorists.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My next release has creepy dolls. These creepy dolls come with access to a social network for children. The network is the source of problems.
LikeLike
That could be scary, although for me it wouldn’t be the dolls themselves, but the AI/Villain/whatever telling the dolls what to do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And it’s something all parents are concerned about already. I just pushed it to the extreme.
LikeLike
keeping the monster/baddie a secret for ages is what usually gets me…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m convinced that is part of it. I also think a shorter book works well in pure horror. Many of the best horror stories were short stories. Holding out for 900 pages might irritate readers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s always the classic: reveal the monster – hero kills the monster – wait, the monster’s teeth are too small, that’s not the real monster…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a good one. Thanks for it.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Anita Dawes & Jaye Marie and commented:
mysterious is the most scary…
LikeLike
I’m really digging the under-the-bed monster. You should use him in a novel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He’s almost more suited to a children’s story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True. But he’s cool. I’m sure you could figure out a way to work him into an adult novel. Perhaps something like, a schizophrenic who befriends the monster, because the world around him scares him so. Or, y’know, a writer. We’re all half-crazy, anyway. LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ahh, I remember the days when I was only half crazy. I’m much happier now that I’m 100% crazy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Don’t know if it will help, but sometimes I make a list of what I do NOT want to write about. This can clear the clutter enough for me to work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That sounds like a good idea. I know exactly what’s next, and I have most of an outline ready. I’m just not doing it until my new keyboard arrives. I’ve been consoling myself with some micro-fiction on the side.
LikeLike
I have no tips for your struggle with horror, being as how it has been years since I watched what anyone would term “proper” horror. What I tend to find terrifying is not the supernatural (though certainly there is plenty to be scared of). I find people can be terrifying. Psychosis, mental disorders. The unexpectedly horrifying coming from someone meant to personify trustworthiness. Perhaps that is why nearly every Disney villain is a woman, eh? I do love this post you have written, though… not chilling or creepy, but certainly funny!
“Alright man. Just don’t get lint all over the place, and stay out of my wife’s fabric softener.”
Best. Line. Ever.
Keep plugging away, Craig. You’ll get there!
LikeLike
There are tricks from various genres that I am completely willing to steal. I’m not a horror writer, but something with a murderer, or a paranormal element, might benefit from a bit of fear. Glad you liked the discussion.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do love your imaginary characters most of all! Wry, sarcastic, very funny… all the things I love!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The under-the-bed monster got me – I was afraid of one when I was little. Then came Chuckie!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was afraid of one too. What changes between child and adult, and how do I tap into it?
LikeLike
I really like this under the bed scene.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. I still don’t know any more than before, but it will come to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This monster could be the next Lisa
LikeLiked by 1 person
Uh… don’t think I could write horror either. I think you’re great with suspense and tension and especially with the unexpected twist. Maybe that combo is all you need.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You may be right, and thanks for the compliment. I still like learning new things if I can.
LikeLike