Still trying to learn

I managed two chapters of editing today. Things I want to learn kept calling to me like a Siren of old. I went to the footboard of our bed and knocked.

A slurping, gurgling sound crawled toward me from beneath the bed. A sickly yellow tentacle slithered out beside my leg.

“New style?” I asked.

“You know how it is. I wanted to try a new look. New look, new you they say.”

“I'm still trying to figure out this horror thing.”

“Unh unh. Remember my consulting fee?”

“Yeah, but I couldn't come up with all of it. I managed to find some mismatched socks in the laundry.”

“Laundry monster is kind of hot. A couple of these and it might be a good weekend for the old bed monster. What's on your mind?” The tentacle scooped up the socks and dragged them under the bed.

“Last night, I watched a movie on the Chiller channel–“

“That was your first mistake.”

“Yeah, the characters were all right out of central casting. They wound up stuck in the middle of a lake that was owned by a giant killer fish. They managed to attack it with the oars, which they promptly lost. It wasn't long before they started voting people off the boat to distract the fish.”

“Don't tell me any more.”

“I wound up cheering for the fish about halfway through.”

“Nothing scary about that.”

“Exactly. I'm no closer to figuring out how to write a scary monster. This morning I downloaded and read The Call of Cthulhu. It's a short story and I'm kind of into those right now.”

“That was a better move. Old C was big back in the day. Have you considered reading anything written in this century?”

“I liked the style, but it isn't really very commercial by today's standards. My problem is that saturation seems to have removed scary stuff from the modern world. What can a vampire or a zombie do that we haven't all seen a dozen times?”

“Not much, I'm afraid. That's the same problem I have these days. Kids see so much on video games the old bed monster pales in comparison. Maybe when you figure it out you can tell me.”

“Then I'll have to charge you a consulting fee. I don't even want to write horror. It's just that a tip or trick can enhance other kinds of stories.”

“That makes some sense. You might have better luck learning some romance tricks.”

“No way. No man understands that stuff.”

“Well the old bed monster is going to give it one hell of a shot tonight.”

“Alright man. Just don't get lint all over the place, and stay out of my wife's fabric softener.”

***

Time for me to get back to editing. Violence and brutality I can write.

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47 Comments

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47 responses to “Still trying to learn

  1. Gremlins got me. Taking something cute and cuddly, then having it go ballistic.

    I’m terrified of gators. I had a house on Lake Toho and they would sun in my yard. Dozens of them, large and small. Creeped me out. I always wanted a house on the water…just turns out a lake in Florida is not ideal. I refuse to walk near a lake on summer nights down here.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The very best “But WHAT IS IT?!?” I’ve encountered was Brotherhood of the Wolf. Seen that?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m still scared of things that can eat me, like sharks and crocodiles. But most horror things, like dolls, clowns, and ghosts, just make me laugh. If you want some real horror, there’s actual scary stuff out there: drug cartels, child soldiers, terrorists.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. keeping the monster/baddie a secret for ages is what usually gets me…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on Anita Dawes & Jaye Marie and commented:
    mysterious is the most scary…

    Like

  6. I’m really digging the under-the-bed monster. You should use him in a novel.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Don’t know if it will help, but sometimes I make a list of what I do NOT want to write about. This can clear the clutter enough for me to work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That sounds like a good idea. I know exactly what’s next, and I have most of an outline ready. I’m just not doing it until my new keyboard arrives. I’ve been consoling myself with some micro-fiction on the side.

      Like

  8. I have no tips for your struggle with horror, being as how it has been years since I watched what anyone would term “proper” horror. What I tend to find terrifying is not the supernatural (though certainly there is plenty to be scared of). I find people can be terrifying. Psychosis, mental disorders. The unexpectedly horrifying coming from someone meant to personify trustworthiness. Perhaps that is why nearly every Disney villain is a woman, eh? I do love this post you have written, though… not chilling or creepy, but certainly funny!
    “Alright man. Just don’t get lint all over the place, and stay out of my wife’s fabric softener.”
    Best. Line. Ever.
    Keep plugging away, Craig. You’ll get there!

    Like

  9. The under-the-bed monster got me – I was afraid of one when I was little. Then came Chuckie!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I really like this under the bed scene.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Uh… don’t think I could write horror either. I think you’re great with suspense and tension and especially with the unexpected twist. Maybe that combo is all you need.

    Liked by 1 person

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