My Preciousss

Old What's Her Face* told me a few days ago that she needed a new iron. I figured, small appliance, they don't last forever, okay. I assumed we'd wind up at Target or someplace this weekend.


My phone rang at the office this afternoon. “Well, I got my iron.”


“That's cool. One less errand this weekend.”


“Well, I decided to go to Bed Bath & Beyond and take care of it.”


I might have done a small face palm. There are no witnesses, so I'm not sure. “I thought you were going to Kohl's or someplace.”


“I looked at Target last week, and I don't like what they have.”


“What else did you buy?”


“Just–” Oh yeah, notice how there is no attempt to deny anything. Also notice how the word “just” minimizes the shopping experience.


Just some tea tree oil, a new pumice stone, an iron, and a new dog blanket.”


“I didn't think there was anything wrong with his old blanket.”


“I've been watching these special dog blankets, and they're only eighty dollars, but I had a coupon and got half off.”


I leaned against my desk. Huh, I don't think we use an eighty dollar blanket.


She continued, “I needed the right iron. An iron is a very personal item – Gollum Gollum.


“So about two hundred bucks or so?”


“Pretty close.”


This is wife-speak for I've guessed too low. I've been married long enough to recognize the time to quit – while I'm behind.


I'm writing this at home. The dog is curled up with his new blanket. Old What's Her Face is in the kitchen filling The Precious with water. I'm pretty sure she's going to spend part of the evening on the couch working on her hooves with a pumice stone and tea tree oil.


*Not my wife's actual name.


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37 responses to “My Preciousss

  1. AHAHAHA! Irons are seriously personal, ferreal! If I knew then what I know now, I’da kept my mother’s old iron from the 70’s! New irons that heavy are $$$!
    I had to laugh at the dog blanky, I don’t think our blankets were ever $80 either, but the sheets…welll…
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bed, Bath, & Beyond: You can’t buy just one thing. Seriously, we have a staff hypnotist who whispers through the intercom system.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh, dear. I can think of hundreds if not thousands of things I would rather spend $200 on than an iron. Like clothes that don’t have to be ironed!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m not a shopper. Don’t like the crowds. But if there’s one store that’s my downfall, it’s Target. I can take or leave Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but put me in a Target? I’ll leave with twenty things when I came in for five.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ali Isaac

    We don’t have either of those stores over here, but Ikea pretty much has that effect on me. Aside from the fact that it’s designed so that you can’t find your way out until you’be bought lots of stuff you don’t really need… as if it magically triggers the appearance of the exit…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I could spend lots of money at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I would have lots of fun buying kitchen items!
    I never thought of an iron as being a person thing. I think I do have an iron. . .somewhere. We probably got it when we were first married. Hope your dog is enjoying the new blanket!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. LOL! Um…given shopping is a favorite sport, I’ve got lots of “Precious” items, too. Loved your wife’s phone call. Reminded me of things I’ll say to my husband. I usually start with what I COULD have spent if I paid full price. Then I point out all the coupons and savings I got (“aren’t I a clever shopper?”).

    Hilarious post. You do slice-of-life stuff so well. I’m still laughing 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Hahaha! Don’t you mean “sharpening her talons” rather than hooves? Woman after my own heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’ve pretty much stopped going to the store. I can usually find exactly what I want online. Except clothes…to get the right fit in pants and dresses, I have to try on. BTW…I can’t remember the last time I ironed anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. LOL. I am forbidden to make a comment.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Lol! I’m kind of the opposite- if I needed a new iron I would be like “well I could get a new one at the store… or I could just warm up my hand under hot water and use that”. It wouldn’t turn out well. Get me to a grocery store though, and there’s no stopping me.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. LOL! And you thought the lady in my last manuscript was a shopaholic. 😉 BTW, tell Mrs. Boyack that I’ve recently discovered that “Woman’s World” magazine occasionally has a 20% off BBB coupon! YAY! As Wilma and Betty would say… “Charge it!!”

    Liked by 1 person

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