I am an idiot

I have a houseful of company this weekend. As such, I am not coming up with something deeply creative today. Instead, I’ll make a confession to the world.

I’ve never been one for reality television. My wife will watch something on occasion, and I zone out with one project or another. In similar fashion, I’ve never gotten into YouTube — until recently. This probably makes me a bad human, but I’m addicted to videos of people lancing boils, carbuncles, cysts and whatever else you call such things.

These come in various forms:

They start out with doctors extracting the entire bubble of fluid (pus) completely within it’s natural sac. These are boring.

They are followed by doctors lancing and draining the various infections. These are clinical but interesting.

Next is the third world. Sanitation is weak or non-existent. The interesting part is these people don’t whine or wince at all. They accept their fates without any anesthetics at all.

Moving on to tattoo parlors and beauty salons. These are getting interesting. People make a loose attempt at sanitation, usually by putting on some kind of black rubber gloves. They still place cutting implements on dirty tables and such. There is always a crowd around, and sometimes crap squirts for yards. Any women involved squeal and jump as the cyst is squeezed.

Then there are the redneck versions. Now we’re talking! This style of video is like the Darwin Awards – Junior.

These usually start off with some young dude making his best pro wrestling poses and grunting. Sanitation usually isn’t even attempted; although, I saw one guy who cut a hole in a garbage bag and placed it around his cyst. I also watched one guy dunk his carpet knife in his highball before going to work.

These videos usually involve a barbecue, and a ring of people standing around the victim patient while holding long-necked bottles.

Once the rednecks get to work, someone usually refers to the boil as a “little brother.” Someone usually retches, but that could be from the beverages, or the quality of the barbecue. I watched one cyst squirt a graceful arch over the top of the “surgeon’s” drink. The surgeon simply moved it  aside, took a swig and kept squeezing.

Surgical equipment usually involves an Exacto blade held in a pair of pliers. I have seen a handful of carpet knives, and one Buck folding knife. The dogs usually clean up the patio.

I don’t know what it is, but these things crack me up. If one of these guys cut his whole arm off, I’d probably laugh anyway. It has nothing to do with the process, it’s the people that get my attention. These people are real live humans. It means we can do some pretty outrageous things with our fictional characters and still be believable.

I think I must be going to Hell. There is certainly something wrong with me. Maybe there is a 12 step program somewhere.



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22 responses to “I am an idiot

  1. I really should have read this after I ate dinner. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No, there’s something wrong with people who videotape themselves having a boil lanced! Ewww!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You ARE strange! I couldnt watch that stuff! But that’s the thing, there are all sorts of people out there, and its all good for us writers.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Not all women squeal and jump, especially not RNs. Goats are prone to develop very large boils. I incised and drained several on mine and other folks’ animals. I gowned, gloved, used proper aseptic technique, and topped off the critters with antibiotic injections. Too bad your Virtual Goat doesn’t get boils. You’d have a blast, I’m sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Now I’m going to watch these and it sounds like something I could get addicted to and it will be your fault. I hope you will at least have the decency to attend my intervention.


  6. One of the worst things I’ve seen as a nurse was a man with a dressing on his necrotic foot. He was sitting on the front porch of his daughter’s house as she did not allow him inside, not even to sleep. I removed the dressing and a zillion maggots fell out and he had NO FOOT…just bones. Freaked me out and I don’t freak easy.


  7. DO you have an obsession with purulent drainage or just the process of expunging it?


  8. Never mind twelve steps, there’s a one step program : step away from the computer! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’ve got a confession that might send me to hell, too. You know when someone gets hit by a bus or whatever, or falls — splat — from a very high height killing them instantly? Well, I rewind and replay the “accident” over and over, each time laughing harder and harder with my hubby. We just can’t get enough of it. Now, either that makes us sick, strange, or sadists. Whatever the case, we have a blast. Feel better?


  10. LOL! That’s so gross! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Now I have to go watch these videos. 🙂 I’ve seen the infected tattoo, that had to be drained,by a doctor. It was all colors of the rainbow that flowed out of those cuts.

    Liked by 1 person

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