I’m still not a poet

It’s Christmas tomorrow. I’ve heard the songs of the season for two months now. It occurred to me that nobody ever made a parody Christmas song. There might be one somewhere, but I can’t think of it.

Wednesday is one of my regular posting days, so I made you a Christmas parody. I spent fifteen whole minutes on this, because I’m dedicated like that.

(With apologies to Keith, Mick, Santa, and … well, the whole world really.)

Santa’s Little Helper

What a drag it is without snow

“Kids are different today”

I just heard old Santa say

Santa needs something to help him through his day

And though he’s not really ill

There’s a little chocolate pill

He goes running for the shelter of a Santa’s little helper

And it helps him now and then, just a couple M & Ms

“Kids are different today”

I just heard old Santa say

Hitching reindeer to a sled is just a drag

So he pops an M &M and a Mars Bar is his friend

And goes running for the shelter of a Santa’s little helper

Two more help him on his way, get him through his busy day

Outside the shop, he drank a pop

“Kids just aren’t the same today”

I just heard old Santa say

They want iPhones by the ton and X-Box too

They’re so tough to satisfy, but with sugar you can try

So go running for the shelter of your Santa’s little helper

Egg Nog helps him get it right, helps him through this Silent Night

Please, oh please, some Jujubes

Cookies and tea, at number three

What a drag this is without snow

“Christmas is too hard today”

I just heard old Santa say

These kids really need some stockings full of coal

And if you drink one more Coke, you will give yourself a stroke

No more running for the shelter of your Santa’s little helper

And he works on through the night, makes his list and checks it twice