I’m still not a poet

It’s Christmas tomorrow. I’ve heard the songs of the season for two months now. It occurred to me that nobody ever made a parody Christmas song. There might be one somewhere, but I can’t think of it.

Wednesday is one of my regular posting days, so I made you a Christmas parody. I spent fifteen whole minutes on this, because I’m dedicated like that.

(With apologies to Keith, Mick, Santa, and … well, the whole world really.)

Santa’s Little Helper

What a drag it is without snow

“Kids are different today”

I just heard old Santa say

Santa needs something to help him through his day

And though he’s not really ill

There’s a little chocolate pill

He goes running for the shelter of a Santa’s little helper

And it helps him now and then, just a couple M & Ms

“Kids are different today”

I just heard old Santa say

Hitching reindeer to a sled is just a drag

So he pops an M &M and a Mars Bar is his friend

And goes running for the shelter of a Santa’s little helper

Two more help him on his way, get him through his busy day

Outside the shop, he drank a pop

“Kids just aren’t the same today”

I just heard old Santa say

They want iPhones by the ton and X-Box too

They’re so tough to satisfy, but with sugar you can try

So go running for the shelter of your Santa’s little helper

Egg Nog helps him get it right, helps him through this Silent Night

Please, oh please, some Jujubes

Cookies and tea, at number three

What a drag this is without snow

“Christmas is too hard today”

I just heard old Santa say

These kids really need some stockings full of coal

And if you drink one more Coke, you will give yourself a stroke

No more running for the shelter of your Santa’s little helper

And he works on through the night, makes his list and checks it twice

Advertisements

16 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

16 responses to “I’m still not a poet

  1. Excellent. I sang my way through the whole poem. And no, I didn’t record it. Have a great Christmas, CS.

    Like

  2. Well done! Most amusing. Merry Christmas!

    Like

  3. Good try. And there’s a lot of truth in that. I would call it meaningful poetry. 😉

    Like

  4. Kentucky Angel

    Oh, I get it, you’re not a poet, you’re a parodist, and since spell check didn’t just red line that, it must be a real word. It was fun, any way. Merry Christmas.

    Like

  5. Maybe you’re a bit too young to remember Allan Sherman’s “The Twelve Gifts of Christmas.” I was a kid when I heard it on my Japanese transistor radio.

    Like

  6. Nicely done CS, I found myself singing along on the chorus. Merry Christmas!

    Like

  7. THAT, my friend, is hilarious! You just need some wax lips like Mick’s and you can post a video of yourself singing this for us. 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s